Mental conditioning

I think I'm only starting to feel the true effects of 'post-vs' syndrome now...

I posted about this before... but the same issues have become like the weather currently - stormy and constantly changing.

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry I accepted I was lazy. So since I was lazy, it meant I was too lazy to do anything about it to. Perhaps that was the first sign of sentience and maturity, because soon after I saw the effects of apathy, of inaction, of going with the flow. That no one is going to wait for you. That the community is greater than me. That in fact, you are nothing, an insignificant sub-atomic particle in the expansive universe.

So I thought, why not try not being lazy!

Heh. In a way, although many may view Barney Stinson from 'How I met your mother' as comedy genius, he has a very very valid point. "Whenever I'm sad, I just stop being sad, and be awesome instead."

I will probably never completely stop being lazy, its a fact for everyone. It doesn't mean you don't try.

Meh. I am really very mood swing leh... :( Maybe I should just stop being around people altogether. I mean, do I really want to be around people? Or do I want to be comfortably alone, and at the same time not disturb anyone? Fucking confusing.

Back to mental conditioning, I think I'm feeling a backlash of its effects. Its all fine and dandy when life's good, but under pressure, can one weather the storm?

I can't. It sucks. Fuck it. Screw this. But doesn't screwing it = no action = no improvement = pathetic? FUCK LAR. >:O Cannot take this shit.

I feel a certain way is right. But everyone else disagrees. And then when I look at it rationally, I seem to disagree with myself too! FUCK. ING. INSECURE.

I think. I am really meant to lone. To not bother anyone, to be free from society, no one bothering me, just alone and happy. But then... I also want to be with many people! I wish for change! For world peace! For environmental ACTION. How can one sit by and let the world pass?

SO WHAT THE SHIT DO I DO? A SINGLE PLAYER OR MMORPG LIFESTYLE?


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NUUUUU I'M ALLERGIC TO ADORABLE-NESS!!!

*Dies* I WANT ALL OF THEM KTHXBYE