The title was just the answer which I never got to say in class today.
In truth I wanted to blog yesterday immediately after seeing Mel again in a while. It was really nice catching up with her and frankly just nice to have a long 1-1 conversation with another person again. I brought this up with Steele just now, another reason why they are important to me. It's because I can really bring out the person, their unique character, I can know them, for their strengths, flaws and aspirations, I can experience the fullness of their being. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too dramatic in spirit for my own good (probably). This is what separates me from 'the typical Singaporean', or maybe not, because I don't truly know what goes on in other people's minds. I just know there is a deviance that is apparent in Karen and Yi Hai, and Tze Yang... there is depth I can feel.
I wasn't sure what to make of it honestly, we both know it was a little awkward avoiding the rootbeer keg in the lounge kind of - that we have some history, however brief. Wasn't sure if I would have liked it to have been mentioned, maybe closure, or no. I still like her, but I know somehow it won't work, not really. Given some different circumstance, or some later time, who knows. Or you know, maybe she doesn't really care about that anymore, which could certainly be the case. But I have so much respect for how mature she is, and how the relationship was.
I've aged a lot since then... I don't know if I'll fit it in anymore, going back. It tires me to think about how all the friends I've made here will be gone... it tires me to think about how much of a prick I used to be. It really is just tiring to be alone. Yet the ugliness of it, I've also become more aware of - that I'm selfish, that I'm picky and that I'm not as ready to give up my individuality and freedom as much as I used to think. In the end, so many things are ephemeral.... I just thought about how I didn't give Daniel my blog, even though I wanted to once. Am I just looking for permanence in age?
Showing posts with label mel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mel. Show all posts
Wednesday, 5 October 2016
Saturday, 16 April 2016
West to Easter: Eastest
Boston
Two conscripted officers, in a cemetery in America, talking about Singaporean politics.
More bizarre, these two guys haven't spoken in years, nor did they talk very much even back home. Do you have friends that, while you were in the same class, or same residence, or same student group that you didn't talk to very much in that group... but then once you've left you find yourself in a situation to connect with them, and you do. And you are reminded of all the possibilities and things said and unsaid, and it's a little sad. So it perhaps is, with this little excursion on the east.
Han Yang was my armskote bro. Fellow support officer with a positive outlook and similar sense of humor in some regards. I think we both knew we would make good friends, if given the time, less stress, and similar vocations. But he went off to engineers and I to signals. And so surreal it is, to have met him in Boston, our first stop being a cemetery. You'll never get a more international experience than that. I guess I romanticize 'hidden' or 'unexpected' or 'unseen' things, a little unhealthily at times, because people think I'm weird or not interested in the mainstream(?). And honestly who would have thought me and Han Yang would have met again in such quirky circumstances and hit it off immediately. ENFJs place so much value in everyone, it can hurt not to be reciprocated, or what is perceived as unrequited companionship. But I won't whine or be bound by such statistics, they are merely guides to understanding.
I spent the whole morning and afternoon with Han Yang, eating great food, exploring the city, and talking at lengths about Wesleyan and Northwestern, Singapore, our lives. It was so heartening to hear Han Yang open up to me like that. He's a kind a generous person and is unafraid of his flaws. We talked about college bubbles, our own bubbles. How crazy awesome Americans (actually just humans with the right mind-set) are. And course, all the unsolicited Singlish spam, that inevitably attracted the attention of another Singaporean who happened to be in the same restaurant. Language and accent is powerful stuff. The cemetery was beautifully calm and unfortunately closed (just the tower don't worry), my luck had to run I suppose.
And then, Ash. I know I've romanticized pretty much everybody in this series of posts, but it's only because I value and admire all of them in their own different ways, and it's a little awkward to express them elsewhere. But also, seriously, Ash was like the climax of the trip (ew), ok highlight of the trip. Ash was the one person I spent the least time with, yet probably wanted to spend the most time with? Someone I, might as well say it, really aspire to be. High energy, an RA (which I failed to be), a classic rocker, a patriot, neither church nor club but both. When I say I connected with the various people on this trip, they really don't compare to how much I can relate to Ash. We talked about our frustration... with pretty much all the aforementioned things; I guess the difference being Ash is more high energy and has well, a pillar of support so to speak. Most people I know, have stuck to their core, and are living contented. Yet I know my weakness is like Pierre in War and Peace, in a manner of speaking. I cannot settle on something, because I don't like to rule out possibilities, I fetish-ize the road less traveled, I make it a point to leave when I'm comfortable, especially here in college. And as a result, I'm absolutely lost in the wilderness while my friends have moved further. I hoped to find the fellow loners, but that obviously makes very little sense.
Ok, I transgressed there into things I wanted to talk about that have less to do with Ash. She brought me to yet another Korean place (having eaten Korean at Brown) which was awesome, and we got straight to catching up with as much fervor as the past few days, if not more. I told her the lack of sleep would probably affect me but honestly, meeting and talking with her was enough caffeine. We somehow hit all the right notes and rarely disagreed (which is good and bad), even discovering our somehow aligning quirks like our unabashed love for good ol' millennium rock or even the fact that we were sometimes confused my Melissa. Ash is the kind of person I am on my best days. So what's the secret? Brute force of will? Aspirations engender expectations. Marcus is right in saying that mediocrity is not a sin, yet how can I ever settle on that crowd mentality?
Singaporeans punch above their own weight. Majulah.
~
Well Boston was the furthest East I traveled, so I guess Eastest counts?
Two conscripted officers, in a cemetery in America, talking about Singaporean politics.
More bizarre, these two guys haven't spoken in years, nor did they talk very much even back home. Do you have friends that, while you were in the same class, or same residence, or same student group that you didn't talk to very much in that group... but then once you've left you find yourself in a situation to connect with them, and you do. And you are reminded of all the possibilities and things said and unsaid, and it's a little sad. So it perhaps is, with this little excursion on the east.
Han Yang was my armskote bro. Fellow support officer with a positive outlook and similar sense of humor in some regards. I think we both knew we would make good friends, if given the time, less stress, and similar vocations. But he went off to engineers and I to signals. And so surreal it is, to have met him in Boston, our first stop being a cemetery. You'll never get a more international experience than that. I guess I romanticize 'hidden' or 'unexpected' or 'unseen' things, a little unhealthily at times, because people think I'm weird or not interested in the mainstream(?). And honestly who would have thought me and Han Yang would have met again in such quirky circumstances and hit it off immediately. ENFJs place so much value in everyone, it can hurt not to be reciprocated, or what is perceived as unrequited companionship. But I won't whine or be bound by such statistics, they are merely guides to understanding.
I spent the whole morning and afternoon with Han Yang, eating great food, exploring the city, and talking at lengths about Wesleyan and Northwestern, Singapore, our lives. It was so heartening to hear Han Yang open up to me like that. He's a kind a generous person and is unafraid of his flaws. We talked about college bubbles, our own bubbles. How crazy awesome Americans (actually just humans with the right mind-set) are. And course, all the unsolicited Singlish spam, that inevitably attracted the attention of another Singaporean who happened to be in the same restaurant. Language and accent is powerful stuff. The cemetery was beautifully calm and unfortunately closed (just the tower don't worry), my luck had to run I suppose.
And then, Ash. I know I've romanticized pretty much everybody in this series of posts, but it's only because I value and admire all of them in their own different ways, and it's a little awkward to express them elsewhere. But also, seriously, Ash was like the climax of the trip (ew), ok highlight of the trip. Ash was the one person I spent the least time with, yet probably wanted to spend the most time with? Someone I, might as well say it, really aspire to be. High energy, an RA (which I failed to be), a classic rocker, a patriot, neither church nor club but both. When I say I connected with the various people on this trip, they really don't compare to how much I can relate to Ash. We talked about our frustration... with pretty much all the aforementioned things; I guess the difference being Ash is more high energy and has well, a pillar of support so to speak. Most people I know, have stuck to their core, and are living contented. Yet I know my weakness is like Pierre in War and Peace, in a manner of speaking. I cannot settle on something, because I don't like to rule out possibilities, I fetish-ize the road less traveled, I make it a point to leave when I'm comfortable, especially here in college. And as a result, I'm absolutely lost in the wilderness while my friends have moved further. I hoped to find the fellow loners, but that obviously makes very little sense.
Ok, I transgressed there into things I wanted to talk about that have less to do with Ash. She brought me to yet another Korean place (having eaten Korean at Brown) which was awesome, and we got straight to catching up with as much fervor as the past few days, if not more. I told her the lack of sleep would probably affect me but honestly, meeting and talking with her was enough caffeine. We somehow hit all the right notes and rarely disagreed (which is good and bad), even discovering our somehow aligning quirks like our unabashed love for good ol' millennium rock or even the fact that we were sometimes confused my Melissa. Ash is the kind of person I am on my best days. So what's the secret? Brute force of will? Aspirations engender expectations. Marcus is right in saying that mediocrity is not a sin, yet how can I ever settle on that crowd mentality?
Singaporeans punch above their own weight. Majulah.
~
Well Boston was the furthest East I traveled, so I guess Eastest counts?
Tuesday, 18 November 2014
Proverbs
If you want to go fast, go alone.
If you want to go far, go together.
~African Proverbs
Die Stimme der Vernunft ist leise. ~Sigmund Freud
But it is persistent ~Addition by Christopher Hitchens
a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.
~The meaning of the word 'ennui'
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
~the word 'sonder' from the dictionary of obscure sorrows
I'm back from ***. And feeling listless. I miss her and I didn't expect that.
Naurto ended and slowly, the erosion of my childhood sinks in.
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist when he grows up.
~Pablo Picasso
I maintain strongly never to let go of my imagination and impulse.
If you want to go far, go together.
~African Proverbs
Die Stimme der Vernunft ist leise. ~Sigmund Freud
But it is persistent ~Addition by Christopher Hitchens
a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.
~The meaning of the word 'ennui'
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
~the word 'sonder' from the dictionary of obscure sorrows
I'm back from ***. And feeling listless. I miss her and I didn't expect that.
Naurto ended and slowly, the erosion of my childhood sinks in.
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist when he grows up.
~Pablo Picasso
I maintain strongly never to let go of my imagination and impulse.
Should write again.
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Winter
http://thoughtcatalog.com/stacey-becker/2014/10/20-things-you-should-know-about-dating-an-independent-girl/
Friend commented "Largely applies to independent guys as well."
I concur. And I'm pretty independent. Just saying. Maybe she was too.
#93 Instrumental Music
My old friend and budding (visual) artist sayeth
this is part of my campaign to make post rock the new world order
There's something ephemeral about the quality.
We think in words, i.e in our primary language, but when I think of instrumentals, I can only hear music, and see the title, like an indie music video on youtube. It's like that simple title is all that's needed.
Friend commented "Largely applies to independent guys as well."
I concur. And I'm pretty independent. Just saying. Maybe she was too.
#93 Instrumental Music
My old friend and budding (visual) artist sayeth
this is part of my campaign to make post rock the new world order
There's something ephemeral about the quality.
We think in words, i.e in our primary language, but when I think of instrumentals, I can only hear music, and see the title, like an indie music video on youtube. It's like that simple title is all that's needed.
Monday, 6 October 2014
Numb
I usually blog in quiet nowadays.
At 2AM, or 7AM or on a work day. But I've waited for a long time to no avail of such an opportunity.
In pursuit of my future (at last), I've decided to take time off, from everything, to read. I've got five books and I'm currently halfway into the fourth at the end of the third week or so. Somewhere in my head a voice screams that my attempt is vain - no, there isn't any way to get my writing score up in time to get into a good US college.
Perhaps, but I'll still try. Regardless, the seclusion has affected my everyday experience significantly.
In pursuit of my future (at last), I've decided to take time off, from everything, to read. I've got five books and I'm currently halfway into the fourth at the end of the third week or so. Somewhere in my head a voice screams that my attempt is vain - no, there isn't any way to get my writing score up in time to get into a good US college.
Perhaps, but I'll still try. Regardless, the seclusion has affected my everyday experience significantly.
ENFJ. I once read that such people should not be left alone, because they tend to harbor dark thoughts despite their strange nature to be both an extrovert but good at introspection. I have found this to be true in my experience. I often tend to go through month long cycles of social activity (I'm such a nerd, eesh) and then step back and kind of just do my own thing for an equally long period. Often, I get tired out by one of the other and hence switch to the other.
For a few months now, I've been going out every day of the weekend with different groups of friends. It was nice to feel busy, to feel involved, going somewhere. Where I was really going, I'm not sure, but I knew it would end. Finally one day I realized that NS was ending, and I had to think long and hard, of what to do next, and how to prepare for it. Suddenly, my friends were heading overseas and my fellow officers were disappearing from the battalion through offs and leave, I had an understudy and no longer was I needed so much in branch; suddenly, I was alone but free.
I've always known my contradictory outlook of life - I hate unnecessary drama, but often in my own head I'm creating a whole lot of it. To put it into an analogy, take this blog. A person who doesn't know me personally and who reads it will likely think I probably like drama flicks, am emotionally attached and acute, am the touchy cry-ey type, etc. If you DO know me, you'll know I'm quite the opposite, and I rather think such types are weak and insecure.
Ah, I've made the cardinal problem with my essays thus far - digressing and going nowhere.
I was beating around the bush.
Last week, I broke up with Melissa. Why? I'm certain it was for a few reasons. One, is my current state of wanting to be by myself and just reading a little. Two, it was not lost on me how different our personalities and outlook were, this probably being the strongest point. Three... well I can't think of any but three's apparently the minimum number of points to give in an essay so three - I had a nudge, a feeling it wasn't right to wait any longer.
She said "I really like you, you're a nice guy." That's not going to cut it... because I know there are plenty of nice guys out there, so what makes me special? Do I really make her happy? Am I happy? The whole thing was a little too polite. I'm not looking for drama, I think it's stupid and unnecessary. But I felt nothing. I wasn't lying what I wrote in her card, or told her, that she's lovely, a listening ear and pretty. And even now, I feel nothing.
I feel terrible because I don't want to hurt her, but I also knew somehow it was now or worse later. I also know perhaps I was expecting too much. I wouldn't know.
I asked myself a few times already these days - am I depressed? Maybe. Couldn't care less though, am not suicidal and life goes on right? Recently I've not been able to stir any excitement in me (aside from learning about all the Gods in American Gods, which I had recently finished). What excitement? That excitement, of the weekend trip you're looking forward to, of that album you can't wait for, of discovering something cool. Enough excitement that I would want to wake up early.
Coffee has been an artificial sweetener to my life. I'm probably addicted to the stuff.
Right now, I need someone to talk to. Someone that listens to indie rock, reads widely and wouldn't mind a good beer or coffee. At the moment, that person doesn't exist. I'd settle for a person who can help me do college apps though...
That's going to suffice for now.
That's going to suffice for now.
This is really good... and not just to describe my feelings melodiously.
Friday, 20 June 2014
Not Shorts
Out the gates by myself
A beep and a swing
Fifty meters from a weekday
Why did I smile to myself?
I was free!
Alone an happy
Have you felt that way before?
Each path new or familiar
Yet all an adventure!
No character to uphold
No pretense was ever needed
In the company of strangers
For the lone traveler
I was free.
Lavender
As a child you remembered
That rush into the tunnel
The hissing of the wind
The sunlight draining
No wonder
As an adult
You didn't pause
Only sped away in thoughts
As fast as this train
Ambivert
In the mellow grey between
A long summer night
A cup of jasmine green
And the company of many
The noise aplenty
When yesterday you said
Lets go
Today I stay
At home
I hoped for company
and wished to be alone
How can it be?
My head's a paradoxical tone
Then all I wanted
Perhaps
Was to be alone
With company.
Who is in the relationship? You and her? Or you and the expectations of society?
A beep and a swing
Fifty meters from a weekday
Why did I smile to myself?
I was free!
Alone an happy
Have you felt that way before?
Each path new or familiar
Yet all an adventure!
No character to uphold
No pretense was ever needed
In the company of strangers
For the lone traveler
I was free.
Lavender
As a child you remembered
That rush into the tunnel
The hissing of the wind
The sunlight draining
No wonder
As an adult
You didn't pause
Only sped away in thoughts
As fast as this train
Ambivert
In the mellow grey between
A long summer night
A cup of jasmine green
And the company of many
The noise aplenty
When yesterday you said
Lets go
Today I stay
At home
I hoped for company
and wished to be alone
How can it be?
My head's a paradoxical tone
Then all I wanted
Perhaps
Was to be alone
With company.
Who is in the relationship? You and her? Or you and the expectations of society?
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
20 ago
I'm writing this on an I-net in camp.
I turned 20 a few days ago in the most uneventful way possible.
It's what I always wanted.
And maybe not.
Maybe I should just admit that like everyone else I do want to feel a little special sometimes.
No.
Maybe I was just put off by that selfishness.
Maybe I don't want to be that person who thinks the world revolves around them.
And yes, I think trying to get everyone to celebrate your birthday and acknowledge it and saying "Happy birthday!" will make me into that person I hate.
Because I don't believe anyone is 'special'. I don't think I'm special.
But because I deprived myself, it backfired.
Every year it's the same. I keep it to myself, but inside I really want to tell someone about it, and I hope so much someone will remember.
And I'm supposed to be 20.
Do you know what people do at 20?!?
DO YOU???
http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/ <--- googled="" i="" just="" p="" this.="">
So it's about time I admit, I was a little sad.
It's about time I admit, I don't just want a good day on my birthday. I want a good day and the company of good friends giving me a good day.
It's about time I admit I really enjoyed my birthday date with Mel, and I really like her...
Till the next.
I turned 20 a few days ago in the most uneventful way possible.
It's what I always wanted.
And maybe not.
Maybe I should just admit that like everyone else I do want to feel a little special sometimes.
No.
Maybe I was just put off by that selfishness.
Maybe I don't want to be that person who thinks the world revolves around them.
And yes, I think trying to get everyone to celebrate your birthday and acknowledge it and saying "Happy birthday!" will make me into that person I hate.
Because I don't believe anyone is 'special'. I don't think I'm special.
But because I deprived myself, it backfired.
Every year it's the same. I keep it to myself, but inside I really want to tell someone about it, and I hope so much someone will remember.
And I'm supposed to be 20.
Do you know what people do at 20?!?
DO YOU???
http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/ <--- googled="" i="" just="" p="" this.="">
So it's about time I admit, I was a little sad.
It's about time I admit, I don't just want a good day on my birthday. I want a good day and the company of good friends giving me a good day.
It's about time I admit I really enjoyed my birthday date with Mel, and I really like her...
Till the next.
Sunday, 20 April 2014
Street
Just playing around with language and stuff.
Street
Was walking down alone
A still and misty street
Kept glancing at my phone
My music on repeat
Unsure where I'm to go
This cold and silent night
Under the eerie glow
Of a warm and orange light
Just around the corner
In a small shelter's shade
I glimpsed a slender figure
She was naturally radiant,
Alike something hand-made
Lit softly by the billboard
Her cheeks a little flushed
That night it started to drizzle
And the ambience became hushed
I sat down right next to her
And watched the sparkling raindrops
Glow orange around the streetlights
No longer an eerie sight.
Ran 20km today. By myself again. Glenn told me even he runs with someone else. *Shrugs* o well.
There are groups of friends whom, when I'm with them, I am almost entirely eradicated of inhibition. (You can really only get this with eccentric art people with sadly lots of issues) And I wish it were that simple, especially with Mel, right? But no. You have to work hard for something you want. I know that. Or does something like ~frequency~ kind of come naturally? Can you get used to, and enjoy somebody's company... over time? Nobody's a carbon-copy. You play out the side that's important. Maybe I just haven't found out which is yet.
Time check: 2.05 AM
It's actually already Sunday eh?
Demons is nice for the lyrics too. Cause ya know everyone kind of thinks they have a dark-side (or at least I do) that's not very pleasant/normal. Ah but this ain't a confidence issue cause I know part of my character ain't gonna conform to societal norms but that's fine with me! The question is, is it fine with you that I don't mind heavy metal/progressive rock and I like to game, and maybe I have really dark humor stemming from nihilist philosophy and that I think most people are under the illusion of too much drama and maybe for some situations people need to quit whining and man up.
J1 "senior crush" hahahaha. Sorry but that's really cute/sweet just because I have no idea why somebody would crush on me (unless I am somehow unaware that I'm ridiculously handsome which is not the case). Crushes to me usually has some superficial connotation to it, so does personality count? By the time I was J2 I was pretty set on being loner and stuff and anyway I always thought that's too young to be in a healthy relationship. So in J1 I liked a lot of girls but I'd just brush any stray thoughts aside since friendship's more important right(?) and maybe MORE importantly... we're just young and stupid and obviously ain't gonna make any sound decisions just yet. What about her right? "Isn't that the question of the day??" ~Harry Osbourne. Well to be honest yes I did like her, but also to be honest not as much as other girls in my batch (the closer you get with someone, the more you tend to obsess a little). Does it matter now though? Not really but it's cute and she's a lovely person.
Time check: 2.25 AM
Brother just got home. "What are you doing?... You have a blog????"
So what if I do actually...? Who really reads my blog nowadays lol. It's sort of an annex to me now. An archive. Something that's written in the SOP that I have to do but not entirely useful except for that one day you decide to read back on your life and basically go 'wtf' when you do.
Time check: 2.29 AM
Brother just switched the lights off. (Wow am I tweeting or what) And I should be ending soon (PLEASE PLEASE DO) Today I traveled to the ends of the earth to see my friend toss his peaked cap and basically have dinner. And yesterday I had lunch with Mel after breakfast with my family. I'm actually still nervous every time I meet her HAHA. But not in a confidence sort of way (I might add!). Does that make any sense? Probably not because
Time check: 2.37 AM
And I'm out of caffeine in my system.
Street
Was walking down alone
A still and misty street
Kept glancing at my phone
My music on repeat
Unsure where I'm to go
This cold and silent night
Under the eerie glow
Of a warm and orange light
Just around the corner
In a small shelter's shade
I glimpsed a slender figure
She was naturally radiant,
Alike something hand-made
Lit softly by the billboard
Her cheeks a little flushed
That night it started to drizzle
And the ambience became hushed
I sat down right next to her
And watched the sparkling raindrops
Glow orange around the streetlights
No longer an eerie sight.
Ran 20km today. By myself again. Glenn told me even he runs with someone else. *Shrugs* o well.
There are groups of friends whom, when I'm with them, I am almost entirely eradicated of inhibition. (You can really only get this with eccentric art people with sadly lots of issues) And I wish it were that simple, especially with Mel, right? But no. You have to work hard for something you want. I know that. Or does something like ~frequency~ kind of come naturally? Can you get used to, and enjoy somebody's company... over time? Nobody's a carbon-copy. You play out the side that's important. Maybe I just haven't found out which is yet.
Time check: 2.05 AM
It's actually already Sunday eh?
Demons is nice for the lyrics too. Cause ya know everyone kind of thinks they have a dark-side (or at least I do) that's not very pleasant/normal. Ah but this ain't a confidence issue cause I know part of my character ain't gonna conform to societal norms but that's fine with me! The question is, is it fine with you that I don't mind heavy metal/progressive rock and I like to game, and maybe I have really dark humor stemming from nihilist philosophy and that I think most people are under the illusion of too much drama and maybe for some situations people need to quit whining and man up.
J1 "senior crush" hahahaha. Sorry but that's really cute/sweet just because I have no idea why somebody would crush on me (unless I am somehow unaware that I'm ridiculously handsome which is not the case). Crushes to me usually has some superficial connotation to it, so does personality count? By the time I was J2 I was pretty set on being loner and stuff and anyway I always thought that's too young to be in a healthy relationship. So in J1 I liked a lot of girls but I'd just brush any stray thoughts aside since friendship's more important right(?) and maybe MORE importantly... we're just young and stupid and obviously ain't gonna make any sound decisions just yet. What about her right? "Isn't that the question of the day??" ~Harry Osbourne. Well to be honest yes I did like her, but also to be honest not as much as other girls in my batch (the closer you get with someone, the more you tend to obsess a little). Does it matter now though? Not really but it's cute and she's a lovely person.
Time check: 2.25 AM
Brother just got home. "What are you doing?... You have a blog????"
So what if I do actually...? Who really reads my blog nowadays lol. It's sort of an annex to me now. An archive. Something that's written in the SOP that I have to do but not entirely useful except for that one day you decide to read back on your life and basically go 'wtf' when you do.
Time check: 2.29 AM
Brother just switched the lights off. (Wow am I tweeting or what) And I should be ending soon (PLEASE PLEASE DO) Today I traveled to the ends of the earth to see my friend toss his peaked cap and basically have dinner. And yesterday I had lunch with Mel after breakfast with my family. I'm actually still nervous every time I meet her HAHA. But not in a confidence sort of way (I might add!). Does that make any sense? Probably not because
Time check: 2.37 AM
And I'm out of caffeine in my system.
Sunday, 13 April 2014
Runner's notice
Yesterday I had to make a different decision. To run or take public transport to POP. I decided the latter too mainstream so I ran the former would free my Sunday morning, killing two birds with one stone so I woke up at 4am on Saturday and took off at 5 to the platform.
When you run long distance, you inevitably get a little bored... a little extra observant. You'll notice stuff. Specific stuff. Shall call it runner's notice.
When you run long distance, you inevitably get a little bored... a little extra observant. You'll notice stuff. Specific stuff. Shall call it runner's notice.
1. Other runners
Cause I'm wondering why the hell are they up at this hour too
2. The lightning storm.
CAT 1? Should I actually be running? What if it rains? What if I get struck by lightning? What has the army been teaching me all this time?!
3. "John Cleese"
I swear when I saw this billboard I thought it was John Cheese. Why is this guy on a billboard? Who is he anyway?
4. The newspaper delivery man
Saw him stack and sort newspaper at the bottom of my house. I think there's something sentimental about seeing such people. Like what are their stories? Are they lonely? What motivates them everyday?
5. Waterbay place?
Just a condo I specifically noticed. Entering into the condo 'division' of Tanjong Rhu. Actually the name probably ain't correct. Water something.
6. That guy sleeping in one of the shelters on Marina Barrage.
Just a random, probably migrant worker.
7. The lone traveler who took a picture on the bridge from Gardens by the Bay to Marina Bay Sands
Self-explanatory.
8. The probably party-going youngsters catching a cab at 6+ near Marina square.
Or people who eat absurdly early breakfast in nice clothes.
Seasons 2
There is a spring
Where the cherry blossom blooms
Where the sun rises first
To bring clear afternoons
There is a summer
Where the ocean waves swell
Along vast golden beaches
Stretching as far as one can tell
There is an autumn
Where the auburn leaves fall
Littering windswept paths
Along meadows and gentle knolls
There is a winter
Where it gently snows
Across a sea of lights
Where warm fires glow
And
There is a place
Where the seasons don't change
Only everlasting sunshine
And never ceasing rain.
And that's where I met you
4. The newspaper delivery man
Saw him stack and sort newspaper at the bottom of my house. I think there's something sentimental about seeing such people. Like what are their stories? Are they lonely? What motivates them everyday?
5. Waterbay place?
Just a condo I specifically noticed. Entering into the condo 'division' of Tanjong Rhu. Actually the name probably ain't correct. Water something.
6. That guy sleeping in one of the shelters on Marina Barrage.
Just a random, probably migrant worker.
7. The lone traveler who took a picture on the bridge from Gardens by the Bay to Marina Bay Sands
Self-explanatory.
8. The probably party-going youngsters catching a cab at 6+ near Marina square.
Or people who eat absurdly early breakfast in nice clothes.
Seasons 2
There is a spring
Where the cherry blossom blooms
Where the sun rises first
To bring clear afternoons
There is a summer
Where the ocean waves swell
Along vast golden beaches
Stretching as far as one can tell
There is an autumn
Where the auburn leaves fall
Littering windswept paths
Along meadows and gentle knolls
There is a winter
Where it gently snows
Across a sea of lights
Where warm fires glow
And
There is a place
Where the seasons don't change
Only everlasting sunshine
And never ceasing rain.
And that's where I met you
Thursday, 13 March 2014
A repost?
From my friend's tumblr, which I have read constantly to this day.
2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.
5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”
7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
by Kate Bailey
I've got.... some of it down.
(NUMBER 1 IS MY NEW GREATEST REGRET??)
10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again
1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.
5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”
7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
by Kate Bailey
I've got.... some of it down.
(NUMBER 1 IS MY NEW GREATEST REGRET??)
Hold tight
Brave
I'll brave confidence
Whatever it took
I'll hold on to doubts
But in knuckle hooks
Because I'm happy
Not in shallow roots
But a tree firmly stood
And I'll stand tall till I fall
And I'll wonder in bliss
If it's all just a miss
But I'll take it, even the pain
In the end with at least something attained
I'll brave confidence
Whatever it took
I'll hold on to doubts
But in knuckle hooks
Because I'm happy
Not in shallow roots
But a tree firmly stood
And I'll stand tall till I fall
And I'll wonder in bliss
If it's all just a miss
But I'll take it, even the pain
In the end with at least something attained
Sunday, 9 March 2014
Looking Up?
Nihilist
At the crossroads
Between keeping a little hope
Or throwing it under a rug
And pretending you've lost it all
Does humor lighten or veil
Despair and banality
Does it spring from lost fervor,
Passion, and energy?
Listening to progressive
But none in your own
Laughing it off as if
This was meant to be
I'm making all these changes, trying to improve my outlook. And I just wonder what happens if I lose the support that's my impetus. I wonder if I'll despair or be resilient. I wonder if I'll generate this apathy that those who fought the longest exhume. I'm... supposed to be doing uni apps; the truest real thing that will change after my life in NS.
I'm wondering why I didn't ask Xun Yi for some intro to J-Rock before, or why it didn't appeal to me then. But SCANDAL is good.
It's just too confusing being an ambivert. (Which spelling btw, doesn't register in blogger) You spend a month or a moment, loving the life by yourself, and somehow you thrive in introspection, or was it all just an illusion? The next month or moment, you cannot sit comfortably at home on a Sunday morning, you wonder why you're so lonely, and you get really chatty.
And I just fucking wonder if I'm really happy at all.
At the crossroads
Between keeping a little hope
Or throwing it under a rug
And pretending you've lost it all
Does humor lighten or veil
Despair and banality
Does it spring from lost fervor,
Passion, and energy?
Listening to progressive
But none in your own
Laughing it off as if
This was meant to be
I'm making all these changes, trying to improve my outlook. And I just wonder what happens if I lose the support that's my impetus. I wonder if I'll despair or be resilient. I wonder if I'll generate this apathy that those who fought the longest exhume. I'm... supposed to be doing uni apps; the truest real thing that will change after my life in NS.
I'm wondering why I didn't ask Xun Yi for some intro to J-Rock before, or why it didn't appeal to me then. But SCANDAL is good.
It's just too confusing being an ambivert. (Which spelling btw, doesn't register in blogger) You spend a month or a moment, loving the life by yourself, and somehow you thrive in introspection, or was it all just an illusion? The next month or moment, you cannot sit comfortably at home on a Sunday morning, you wonder why you're so lonely, and you get really chatty.
And I just fucking wonder if I'm really happy at all.
Saturday, 1 March 2014
Dry Spell
Lately, I've taken more than ever to writing in my phone notes. I grow more decadent and unambitious everyday. And I'm the most selfish as I've ever been.
And this is the first time, that not everything on my phone is going up.
"Do I wanna know... if this feeling flows both ways?" -Arctic Monkeys: Do I wanna know
I'm inclined to write my own poems, and in a way they were the only true escapes from this surreal superfluous life. Each day I'm not sure if I should give up let go and channel nihilism, wondering aloud why the need for drama anyway. Or bank it on her. I'm not sure if I should be independent and force aside the rush, or let it out in overzealous tones~
I like how music writes like me. And I love her blog skins.
And this is the first time, that not everything on my phone is going up.
"Do I wanna know... if this feeling flows both ways?" -Arctic Monkeys: Do I wanna know
I'm inclined to write my own poems, and in a way they were the only true escapes from this surreal superfluous life. Each day I'm not sure if I should give up let go and channel nihilism, wondering aloud why the need for drama anyway. Or bank it on her. I'm not sure if I should be independent and force aside the rush, or let it out in overzealous tones~
I like how music writes like me. And I love her blog skins.
Please Simple
I don't want to be greedy
I just need to know it's right
I just want you to be there and be happy
I just want you to be there and be happy
at a quarter past 2, the deepest night
We should be no trophy or snatch
Just a shoulder, a hand, a lap.
I can't promise you answers I can
only promise ears.
I'll be faithful and sincere even after all the beers.
Simple and plain, an end to the permanent rain...
Ironic that I hate drama and pain.
Ironic that I hate drama and pain.
When something means this much.
I don't like it when my poems get sloppy. Like you sort of know they're not as inspired... but it's therapy. Just a little.. hope that someone reads.
And I don't want to sleep because I feel so fucking empty.
And I don't want to sleep because I feel so fucking empty.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
Two posts one stone
Dug this up from my iPhone. A bit off-timing haha... I guess I didn't want to post it before because... yeah I shy la huh. haha
Never and Maybe
Never and maybe
We'll be together
Someday in the midday
Shady and cool weather
When the dusts settles
And the sober stretch
After all our battles
Still journeys await
This time more calmly
This time I'll walk slower
And I'll meet you in the park
On the bench by the raintree
Someday in the summer
We'll see each other
Tired but wiser
In loving company.
I always believed that people would eventually find that their other half would just be the familiar face of a best friend, after all the whirlwind relationships with others. And that this love was simple yet deeply profound. Maybe its settling or maybe its just realizing both the pragmatism and graceful romance that it brings.
The point was never to be perfect, but to make up for each other's flaws. Sounds like a movie quote.
If she's reading, pinch of salt please.
Never and Maybe
Never and maybe
We'll be together
Someday in the midday
Shady and cool weather
When the dusts settles
And the sober stretch
After all our battles
Still journeys await
This time more calmly
This time I'll walk slower
And I'll meet you in the park
On the bench by the raintree
Someday in the summer
We'll see each other
Tired but wiser
In loving company.
I always believed that people would eventually find that their other half would just be the familiar face of a best friend, after all the whirlwind relationships with others. And that this love was simple yet deeply profound. Maybe its settling or maybe its just realizing both the pragmatism and graceful romance that it brings.
The point was never to be perfect, but to make up for each other's flaws. Sounds like a movie quote.
If she's reading, pinch of salt please.
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