Half of a Yellow Sun

Meant to post this a few months ago but I guess I didn't hit publish.

I just finished reading a very good book by an author I've heard much about but hadn't read anything by. I should warn you that it's bleak (but not in a cold way) and is ultimately a war story (which btw, I didn't know, so it became more engaging in a way). I would liken the feeling to watching Graveyard of the fireflies. 

I'm ultimately shocked by how engaging it was, but I'm not sure how much is in the writing and just my current mood of disengagement with reality, but I wanted to write about the latter today (also should mention I had a bit of urgency to get through the book to not waste my library loan for another that's expiring). Though the book is set in a much different time, it feels weirdly understandable or relatable. The character writing is obviously very good, but again it might be me, reaching a little, in a selfish and privileged way. But this isn't the oppression olympics, it just is maybe. I wonder if maybe it's my own self-judgement, that makes me feel like "first-world problems" are unreal and that only "objectively bad" situations like war and famine are justified. I read once that people on the spectrum enjoy anime precisely because of this exaggeration of real emotions that allows them to feel it. I wonder if it is the same phenomena. 

These days, my malaise feels chosen. It feels petulant, like I'm waiting for somebody to "give me my just rewards" before I relent and feel happiness. It also feels like the real lesson is for me to wait for it, and for that patience to dissolve and in anger realize this is entirely self-inflicted, for believing in some sort of justice or due for doing things nobody asks for. I liked that one of the managers, a wise, mild-mannered, and affable person usually, pushed back quite strongly on me saying I was people pleasing in a half-joking way. I appreciated that he wanted me to take it seriously, and not feed the ironic vanity that came from declaring my people-pleasing attitude in a half-joking way - an act of self-pity.

  

Every Second Counts

I wonder if there's a word for feeling outside of time, of routine. Disconnection? Transit between terminals? Maybe there's a German word for it. Being put on hold. 

Why am I bothered?

Sometimes, I'm bothered, and it's hard to talk about it with Chris as I'm not sure how I would word it non-abstractly, and I sense a tension when I talk about relationship things with her. I am in constant fear she would take it the wrong way or in a negative light. Maybe I lack trust about how much she trusts the core strength of us. Like I'm not sure if she has truly inherited that any issues are for us to work together on, and not meant to be blamed on anyone in particular. Maybe I've been tanking for too long. I will talk to her about it.

Where content ends

She finally replied, essentially asking for space. I guess at least I'm not tone deaf to the point that I can't tell. It really reminds me of the time I upset my sister in law. I'm at a loss... I've been known to be callous, and always I've scaled back, but not in a very refined way. This one hurts so much because I know it's my fault, just like all the other times I've hurt other people... And all those other times I took responsibility too, and I really did try to change, but it still eludes me, I go back like a drunk to the bottle. I don't understand people, or I'm narcissistic. I envy other people to which it comes easily, but I'm wondering if it was a trade off somewhere. Maybe they experienced some pain in the same way. I read a reddit post saying people who think they're sociopaths because they lack empathy are actually attention seeking losers, literally after this morning when I posted my thoughts on it. I hope she gives me another chance, but even when she does, I wouldn't know what to do. I'll have to ask and hope she doesn't give me the cold shoulder. I don't know who else to ask, if I'm completely honest. I don't have a close confidant that could help me in this regard, especially. I don't know how to be gentle, or worse, I don't understand why I need to be, naturally. I'm wondering how all the callous comedians get by, or are those simply acts.

I'm wondering too, the irony that sticking to this pseudo-Buddhist mentality has actually done the opposite for me, in that I've lost the ability to introspect because I'm so blissful in the moment at times. Or is it age, that I've gone through the phase of. I really don't know.

Who are my confidants and good friends? I would surely point to my Singaporean friends. Maybe I should talk to them. I'm feeling sick and out of it. I know I love her because it hurts.

Who's not here

I think about this a lot. About ‘who’s not here’. And maybe I am overthinking it. But I’ve always found it unequal that loud people don’t suffer from quiet people, only the reverse. And in abstract, this is an extrovert’s world, understandably so. I find it odd that quiet people try to sleep, but don’t really, because of loud people in the next room. I don’t know if this is only because I’ve tried to sleep, without success while loud people were in the next room, while my mom was shouting at my younger brother, or while people partied in the room over. I’ve thought about what is fair - that quiet people are naturally quiet, but also loud people are naturally loud, as I am. Probably, it is just a tragedy of contact, an impasse of genetics and environment. And yet Rhiannon walking out of her room, annoyed at Kathryn’s phone ringing all the time, is indicative of the fact that yes, people do ‘tank’, they ‘tahan’, they take it in their stride for other people’s convenience. And that is in a way a choice too. But it is, a tad unfair. Yet it is also true people aren’t born to cater to anyone’s needs, so maybe this consideration was taken into account when making that choice - I want to sleep early, but I understand if others don’t and this is also their house. And I think this is about the number and normality - who is being the odd one in need of accommodation? It is the introverts, mostly, who cater.

Who Am Me?

Church or club

I don't believe in God, but I believe in certain lifestyles.
The party lifestyle is not one of those exactly.
Not college parties, which are with friends and are cheap af really.
But the kind of party like zouk out, where the truth is all I can imagine are people, not bad people mind you, but people spending money to drink and dress and sweat(?), and yeah I guess I can''t escape the prejudice I have of them - entitled and rich. It was this dissonance I was trying to unlock all along, because parties in USA are different than in SG. In the east, the new rich chase after westernized culture like sheep; and this isn't true, or isn't representative - this is what the 'right' way of thinking goes.

And I hate dissonance.
I hate wrong representations.
I hate dishonesty, insincerity, hiding, acting... I don't know.
I hate that a bunch of rich guys can be served by poor(?)/less wealthy locals in a resort - and I hate it that I'm completely unsure what they are thinking. I don't know if they are putting on a show for us, if they hate their job, if they are envious, the small talk(?) The relationship is just different, between a snowboard instructor for example, we can be on 'equal' terms - yes I'm probably more well-off, but he still gets to snowboard and I'm humbly accepting his instruction as a pupil. Then there's the waiter/waitress - and maybe this is just Singapore - we hear their plight; the cliched movies of a hard day's work at the diner. Is it just Hollywood? Are they truly happy? What do they think when a rich businessman pulls out a wad of cash on a drink? Are they disgusted or do they think they would do the same with that much money?

And this was what I was uncomfortable with all along... er maybe.
I cannot stand getting what I get - I did not deserve this. Why am I the person ordering $40 steak and why is the waiter 'in service' to me. Or am I just looking at it the wrong way - I mean, they too get their days off, and they have times when they are being served steak; and it's not like we are bad customers, we aren't at all snobbish or impatient - that I hate the most when my mom does that sometimes. The 'you are serving me' attitude that Asians have.

Point of disgust number 2 - those resort adverts, showing a bunch or rich people drinking champagne on a yacht, relaxing on the beach. I guess it's just a symptom of capitalism. The money goes into a valuable number of jobs in the service industry after all.

Number 3? Younger brother - I really want to know what he thinks, what he's thinking, how he's growing. Something awkward because my elder brother has never really asked the same of me(?) we were too different people maybe. I get this feeling I got more of my dad's character than my elder brother because my dad is reserved, likes rock music, and is pretty down-to-earth in a way.

Or maybe I'm just really really tired, and I just need a simple, real conversation - and my family will never be able to provide for that. Sometimes I wonder if I should just go to CAPS; not because I'm depressed - pretty dam sure when the caffeine gets rolling the hypetrain goes full steam - but because it probably would help.

Or just open a wing in the CAPS office called the friends division - for anyone who just wants a walk-in deep conversation. I feel like this torrent of words ain't going to end for some time.

A good disclaimer!

This was on my friend's blog. Really illustrates what I mentioned in the previous post (completed a few minutes ago). Really respect him as a devout Muslim who is well-read but continues to think and re-think everything he knows.

His blog: eupho-stick.blogspot.com

Disclaimer

With regards to several images and videos, unless mentioned otherwise, they are not my creations and I do not claim to own them. Come on, this blog is maintained gratis! So, I will try to credit the respective sources where possible.

Every reference to sources beyond this blog and hyperlink does not denote my endorsement of views found there.

Readers and myself are expected to uphold professionalism in discussing issues, regardless triviality or touchiness. Let's learn to respect each other's point of view, as long as they are backed by sound reason. If readers are too overwhelmed, press the "Alt" and "F4" keys simulatenously. (Unfortunately, I do not have the privilege of doing so!)

Zaki today may be totally different from Zaki two years back, why even yesterday. The Uranium you bought may not have the same purity as it had a week ago. Chocolate may be tasty then, but your taste may change, or the chocolate may decay, or the circuity between your tongue and brain altered. You can never step on the same river twice.

Random analogies aside, be aware that I am a dynamic individual like everyone else, so, bear in mind that my opinions may change and old posts may be obsolete over time. Readers are reminded to bear some sense of sensibility.

God knows best.

Don't Fear Questioning

A repost?

From my friend's tumblr, which I have read constantly to this day.

10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again

1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.
2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.
5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”
7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
by Kate Bailey

I've got.... some of it down.
(NUMBER 1 IS MY NEW GREATEST REGRET??)

Ooh change in template

I realize they order posts by date, and I started one other post. But before finishing it I finished the last one, so its below that. Don't miss it if you're stalking me! xD

Gonna re-write

Don't care going to re-write.

The music I posted was weird at worst and meaningful at best.
The first part goes
I could stick around and get along with you, hello.
It doesn't really mean that I'm in to you, hello.
You're alright but I'm here darling to enjoy the party
Don't get excited 'cause that's all you'll get from me, hey
Yeah, I think you're cute, but I really think that you should know
I just came to say hello.

The song played for Audio Mob too

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What I don't write I imply, either way I'm honest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Audio Mob recollection
Bonding with 6E and other random VS and RJ friends yay :D
Didn't get to know everyone from RJ who came! Boo :(
Ok that summed it up

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was watching Criminal Minds and the villain had a disorder about obsessing over a girl who gave him glances, gestures, hints. Just sayin~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do not crawl back into my cave. No. None of us live in caves. We live in castles and citadels, things we built ourselves. Filled with things we treasure and our music pervading the halls, filling the chambers of empty spaces to fill with more. Light spews in through the stained windows rising above the throne room, and I sit there, contemplating. 


Got to let Jesus take the seat

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't. Rush. Things

A very strange double post

I cried during Real Steel, or more correctly, teared.
So is that weird. Is it weird for a guy to cry. Is it weird that I'm sensitive? Is it weird that I'm human? Is it gay? Hell no. So you tease me when I'm open with you. Oh well. I'm over-analyzing. Or rather, I'm just afraid. Hmm perhaps I'm a little girly. Ok very. Oh shit. *drinks beer and attempts to be stereotypical*

The chronicles of group work

Its late. I should be mugging. Warrant myself a break, not in the mood whatsoever. WR is finished I guess. Meaning HALF of PW is done. At a time like this, with peaceful music playing in the background and chocolate milk in the fore, its just, a nice time to reflect, and let your spirit slumber. Take a breather. Remember what you're made for. Questions slipping in and out. What (who) am I studying for? A person Myself God Hmm. How queer! One might ask, where art thou parents? (WHY AM I PRETENDING TO LIVE IN CAMELOT) My parents, to my immense relief and warmth, tell me (at different times, paraphrased), 'look son, you've made it to RJ, did you know that was already beyond my dreams and expectations? We're leaving it up to you because you know how to handle yourself' Awww :) (Attempting to love my family more, can see they are trying to make an effort to act like one after I voiced my concerns) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have begun to compartmentalize and destabilize. Do you know how differently I sound to different people? And against conventional wisdom, maybe I'm keeping myself away from you because you're the one I don't want to lose. SIOLLL SWEET SIA LI KEEN. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is where the title begins. Back in Primary 5/6 we had a group in class and the guys in the group, me included, did a terrible thing. In fact, we did not do a damn thing. And hence forth after the teacher's rage in response to the girls' complaints, I set out to do good work. And for some reason my group mates usually ask me to be the leader (they probably know I enjoy Saikang). It has ever since not been only once that I was forced to bear the brunt of the project after all, but unlike the girls I complained not until a moral standing must be upheld. I am sounding sophisticated and sleepy, perhaps another time. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 第一次音乐和摄影被华文upstaged

Unlock the second prison

Was the message of the yellow-ribbon initiative. Profound and meaningful.

You know that person whom I thought still held a grudge to me? Well she re-apologized just today. And even though it is slightly insensitive to double post against a 9/11 memorial, I am doing so with deliberation and reason.

Mending. No one should be stuck in the past. Remembrance doesn't hinder progress. And maybe in some ways, the SMS is symbolic in a surprising way that bespeaks the delayed process of healing. Terror, hate, fear, etc. All a rebellion against God. In his glory even the most evil of devils will be destroyed. And in faith you will find all encompassing peace inside and outside. Christianity has been emphasized to me, as about relationships. With God. With people.

An article in the Straits Times contends about the inappropriate response to the 9/11 attacks. How one President decided to retaliate ferociously, in the end ending even more innocent lives. Indeed, perhaps in times of crisis, it is one of the most crucial, the zenith moment to expound faith, restraint, forgiveness, mercy, and grace. The last word, was emphasized during 'a life worth living' today at church.

The example given? A guy punches you. You don't punch back: Mercy. You don't punch back and you tell him its OK, and you believe so: Forgiveness. You do both and buy him an ice-cream: Grace. Simple, and meaningful. Today I will re-dedicate my life to loving all.

Re-collective blogging

Some time ago I decided I didn't want to blog by recounting the events of the past few days in detail.

Why?

You know that feeling you get when you read about past friend's blogs or their facebook and you feel you don't know them anymore? 

And some people just read your blog to read about themselves haha. So they might just skip to the part about them or something heh.

Lastly, its really exhausting and if you faithfully blog about every single day despite the mundanity, you might just lose the kind of intimacy your blog can express about someone.

But I guess everyone leads their own lives and its just impossible to be that sort of 'best friend' you see on American school series. In a way, if a friend really is a good friend, he/she will take the time to read about your lives anyway, and not feel disconnect. As Jia Lok said, there are two kinds of good friends. One who will talk to you basically everyday about random stuff and hang with you in class, etc. The other, who might be the evolution of the first, the one who can't see you everyday anymore, but when you meet up and talk, you just talk. Forever :) Woo Rifdi I'm always listening!! :D

And I guess its OK if you don't the whole thing anyway (who has the time?). So maybe I'll try it out! (Haha actually its cause I just read someone's blog and I was touched she mentioned me :x)

And of course, if its not on your blog, its almost as if you didn't really care much about it, ya know? I guess its a little selfish to keep all these thoughts to yourself. Arrr I'm not really thinking straight right now, my speech is getting ineligible. Watching NDP parade right now. :>

From my Junior! "The irony of us singing how much we love Singapore when the rest of the 364 days we're complaining about our country."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday

I only knew about the scholarship day when it disrupted photog activities. As you can see, I care a lot about my future. Ma'am Poh asked me to accompany her again and was determined not to be super pang seh this time. Instead, someone else did the pang seh-ing (if you happen to be reading, I read your blog, its OK the almighty chairman forgives you haha joking joking :x) I met my classmate soon after anyway.   Not sure I'm looking at MFA now that I know the competition...

Requiem! Excite excite! Only 5 people! Dislike dislike!

As a young boy it was difficult to sympathize. Watching war flicks and dramas garnered little emotion from me. I tried though. I listened to the stories, and imagined myself in those scenarios. This technique I had to master even more during MPS. So now perhaps I've grown a little more connected. War is truly atrocious. I didn't really understand the importance of photography perhaps only up till now, especially when Shirlene the guide shared about how war veterans visiting the roaming exhibition across the world would share stories and sometimes even spot themselves in the pictures. Really think more people, especially from a generation of peace, needs to see this.

Lunch with Yi Feng and Clare. Great to meet more history fans!! :D I guess I'm not the most well-read but I still love the subject heh. I recall my first encounter with history proper was playing Age of Mythology, used to imagine having a simple life staying on an Olive Farm in Ancient Greece. 

Anyway, to a friend. We've only known each other for so long. I didn't really know what to say heh. Quite honestly coming from a boy's school, I'm a little shyer talking htht with a girl than I might reveal. (but I've been told I'm pretty good at it anyway heh) But I really hope you can get back up and not be afraid of your past or your emotions. I think I understand how you feel, and believe me when I say its worse for a guy to cry and I have. So sorry if I didn't give you advise you were looking for but no matter what I'll always have ears to listen and eyes which prefer a smile anytime OK? :) Haha, but anyway from reading your blog can tell you already have such good friends, always treasure them :)

Had lunch with my family eating Spanish in Vivo. My food photography really sucks :( Going for dinners and eating nice food is probably the only way my family bonds. A little concerned for my younger brother because I know he'll feel lonely when my parents and me and my elder bro start talking about 'adult' stuff. I'm already a little tired writing but must 持之以恒. My mom used to try and get me to drink a little but I always refused, so she stopped. My elder brother drinks... a lot.

------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday

Church in the morning and it happened to be the 25th anniversary of FCBC. Haven't really grown much in the church, more by myself. I guess besides the sermons, I'm not that attached to the church yet. Really liked the junior pastor talking about how we've built four walls around the church when a church is the people, and we should be, as always, more like Jesus, getting up, getting out. So far have been a little subdued in my faith, yet if I want to grow closer, I must somehow, separate myself from humanity because unfortunately, humans fall so short. Reminds me of that episode in Avatar, the last Airbender when Aang had to choose to give up his connection to earth in order to use the Avatar mode freely. Sigh... and in a way I feel in the same position as Aang... whatever is chaining me here I mean.

After that I had to work on PW with Joshua and gang. Bought them KOI because they all deserve something for their past work and to motivate them a little I guess. Was productive at first because I found something for everyone to do but got difficult of course ending with 3 people playing and 2 people doing slow work. I think its OK because its rather difficult to work all day on a Sunday afternoon.

Dinner with the residents of Pasir-Ris Punggol that culminated in the most spectacular fireworks I have ever seen in my life. However due to my abysmal photog skills I didn't get any good fireworks shots.  Shaun/Shawn from HCI slapped me in the face with the comment 'Science students are so boring'. Didn't know how to respond but kind of made me dazed the whole dinner.

The night didn't end after talking with Joy on the train. Reached home just in time to receive more PW work and Joshua giving me another slap in the face with his 'Sam and I think the whole chapter 3 is wrongly done'. (I finished that chapter)... explains my earlier post. But besides that I think some people take professionalism so seriously it actually degrades the quality of work. Kind of difficult to talk about non-PW related stuff to Joshua in that way, but I guess I understand why they try to be serious. Just that I feel some may forget we are friends sometimes, not just project-mates. Really glad I had someone to talk to throughout the night that didn't seemed pissed at me. Heh.

------------------------------------------------------------

Monday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play I had to wake up early despite the 3am madness the day before. So it was by some weird homeostasis that my body reacted to sleepiness with an overdose of highness heh. Unfortunately my class didn't react the same way sigh. Its alright though... let's just be patient. 

After Blum'z house (which I don't have much to say quite frankly), talked to Jeremy, Jia Lok, Zhe Yuan and Yong Xien about different things... don't think I have time to blog about and went to RGS for the first time with Rifdi, Yong Jia and Justin to watch our mutual friend Ash (and my new mutual friend Min Yan!) do the opening act! The overall the concert was stellar anyway :) Too bad didn't get a chance to properly explore RGS heh. Dam Rifdi is so easy to talk to and the VS guys (and RG girls) really appreciate the highness and spontaneity! Love the candidness of the RG girls and how they're so supportive of each other heh.

That was. A mouthful/handful. I don't think I'll ever have time to blog like that in a while.

Wake up to the sound of reality

I decided. To just. Sleep. And inevitably whenever I'm ready to take on things, nothing comes. And when i need rest, everything comes. Raffles Photog. Why?

Then. My class.

Fuck you RJ. Fuck all you Asians.

Will always remember from AEP - My drawing sucks

GUESS WHAT I WAS DOING THE NIGHT BEFORE MATHS PAPER?

NOT MATHS

EWWW SO CARTOON. Ah heck. New plan: Draw a whole bunch of people and send them as a gift some time :)

From all boy's to co-ed

嗨呀。。。这首歌真的很对。我小时候妈妈已经让我听这首歌。



To non-chinese readers:
The girl on the opposite looked over
She looked over, looked over
This performance is really lively
Don't pretend to ignore

The girl on the opposite looked over
She looked over, looked over
Please don't be frightened by my looks
Actually I'm pretty cute :/

A lonely boy's sadness
When expressed, who would understand?
Come on, please give me an inviting look
???

Chorus
I look left, and look right, look up and look down
It seems that every girl isn't that easy
I thought and thought, guessed and guessed,
Girls' hearts and thoughts are really weird

I'll not do the rest, cause its more difficult and I don't have that much time to double post.

Life in Lag - Triple Posting

No strokes.

I remember my English teacher in VS telling the class you need 12 positive strokes a day to survive and function, failing which you'll be depressed or unproductive.

With the sudden loss of adventure and friends in the states... I'm triple posting.

Everyone is studying, everyone is not online, everyone is doing something. Except me. Fuck this teenage mood swings. One moment I NEED to talk to strangers and friends, the next I'd rather be reading the Economist and reading the same damn music over and over again.

My family once again, is not helping. The only social time we have is either in short impromptu conversations or going out for dinner, which is often accompanied with shouting and scolding. "HURRY UP AND CHANGE!", "FASTER CHOOSE." I have a feeling my mother's parents passed that down. Asking for a game of chess or monopoly is often responded by "I need to do work." or "I'm tired, let me sleep." Of course, I could ask my younger brother, but he sucks at playing at my level. Obviously I don't blame him. Even my elder brother coming back isn't that exciting. He'll probably go drinking and stuff.

Nothing new in my life.

OK going to try Frisbee.

Dam freaking public

Shit shit shit shit shit. Too many people reading my blog. Argh argh argh argh argh they are not guys.

PEOPLE, STOP MISINTERPRETING MY POSTS. IF YOU DON'T KNOW FOR SURE JUST ASK ME.


I frankly don't mind anyone reading except those who misread, that's the only thing that will cause a whole lot of problems. Awww fuck this I sound dam freaking despo in all my posts, which only makes things worse. My life does not revolve around anyone, my brain has other things to worry about. Just cause its on my blog does not mean it embodies every part of my soul, rather, its one part of it, and the entire blog brings about a majority of it.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Full album on facebook

Liberation

'Time heals all wounds'

From the last post, I have done a few pull-ups, eaten a decent dinner, listened to music, and cleared several e-mail related tasks. All this, and of course, posting, always helps me somehow. Whether it is waiting for time to really heal my wounds, whether it has sentimental value, whatever it is... I'd like to call it 'post-mortem' hahaha get it? :D

*Ahem*

I have realized that my playlist is made up of both very reclusive, sentimental, soft and emotional songs, as well as upbeat, uplifting, darn it I really have to use it 'happy' songs. And surprisingly, the happy songs are not what one would expect, you know, those pop kind of songs? The problem with them is
A. THEY JUST SUCK
B. They fit the mood... SOMETIMES
C. Other times they make you even more angry and annoyed.
Meanwhile. The songs I listen to, fit most moods, and perhaps to the laymen it seems distant and unfriendly, but to me, the chords are clear and even instrumentals are easy to sing or harmonize with. I am lucky that the pathway to my house is usually secluded enough to sing or hum out loud :D

I digress. I tend to do that when I'm less emotional.

Still... its not like I've gotten over her. But, I see much less hope now. So its obvious I shouldn't care about it.

Or maybe the real therapy is that posting invites people to read, and at least I've confided to someone, or that I don't feel so reclusive and lonely anymore. But what a moodswing isn't it. Sometimes I feel great being by myself, others completely the opposite. But the general rule is friends are always better. Good friends I mean.

The quote 'always be yourself, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind' actually turned out to be so much more apt than I thought, because in the end, even when I have acknowledged and embraced solitude to let say, avoid eating fast food, it turns out my best friends follow me and not forsake me... I just wish I could spend more time with these people.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I miss my elder bro even with all his... habits. His birthday was today. Happy 21st Craig.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Most of the songs I listen to appear on my blog. They're so great IMO I'm worried I repeat songs, forgive me if I do, I don't search for new music as much as others.
Immediately when I listened to it, I could feel the sadness, the remorse, the grief, the hope, and the strength to carry on that the song was meant to depict, of the last few humans of the damned alliance ravaged by the undead in the warcraft saga. I should pick up reading these novels again.