Honestly, I have to keep telling myself that. I wonder if in all my arrogance and showboating, a dark cynicism had manifested - that people all carry this flaw of showing off. Of wanting to be the first to tweet that, knowing some underground music people haven't heard of, spouting trivia, sharing random 'expert' tips.
And because I am aware of it, and because it was so difficult to correct, I decided to re-enter my lonely castle, just so that I will stop sharing for the wrong reasons. I decided, also, that I was just too afraid of being wrong, that my trivia would be beaten, that I am just inferior.
Paul said in Philippians that despite some Christians mere sharing the gospel in competition, in rivalry and jealousy (I've converted X number of people, how many have you brought to God eh?) and not out of love, he rejoiced, because as long as the message stayed true, that the word, that scripture was not compromised. Then why should we be concerned?
Still. It eats me, I hate that anger. I hate this bestial competitiveness inside.
Just moments ago, I saw someone post that Vimeo video of 'Mountain'. Husain shared it on his blog and I thought it was so awesome, extremely wonderful. (Thanks Husain) And then all of a sudden my photog seniors and friends all start commenting "Woah so wonderful! Good find! This is aamzzzinggg". And I couldn't help it, and I hate it, that the nasty thought 'wtf I found it first' just immediately sprang in my head. Why is it that I seek so much attention and likes and comments huh? That video, is just worth sharing with people, and I did share because of that! Btw the vid I'm talking about: http://vimeo.com/22439234 Go watch if you haven't its really spectacular! Full Screen and blast the Nuvole Bianche!
I rarely share anything on Facebook though. Or be the first to share. I just feel undue. I feel that maybe, someone out there was like me, and I know how he feels, when say one person shares, and everyone pays no attention and the next moment this popular kid shares, he gets a thousand likes. Its why I have so few actual photographic shots on Facebook.
So I'll keep to this policy of quiet sharing (trivia, songs, etc.). To just show you I'm sincere about it. So what if I get credit or not.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was told not to post anything Photog related. Woops.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you see someone acting out? Do you see someone telling cliché joke? Do you see a similar photo you've taken before? Do you see that person getting way more appreciation than you?
Do you see someone treating others differently from you? Do you see someone getting compliments for traits you have? Does it irk you? Will you shy away or protest? My OP topic is bullying, believe me when I say I know how it feels.
Take a popular person A. Take a friend B. What if you're friends with A, and you seem to click quite a bit.? What if friend B seems to give you a colder shoulder? A weaker smile? An unexcited conversation? But completely opposite when talking to A? Sometimes even when talking about. The. Exact. Same. Thing. And you just wonder, what is it you've done? What impression did you give? You just can't help but feel insecure. Guess what, its called relational bullying.
They say you can't be friends with everyone. That's true if it was pretty obvious why. (Maybe he's just a Republican and you're a Democrat) But given the above scenario, you just can't help but ask why can't you be better friends with B when B seems to cozy up to A so well, and A has similar mannerisms, characteristics, tastes, as you. Why is it, that they just don't want to engage you.
Why is it that people can't let go of their impressions.
But what is all the fame in the world, compared to having a relationship with God through Jesus? Tell me, what does the emptiness feel like compared to just knowing, that you're truly loved and justified by the Lord? Matthew 16:26 (Also quoted by Clarence on his blog):
| |||
Title of the post is from (as I'm sure everyone knows) Mr Brightside ~ The Killers
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its been a long time since I had a proper, raw post like that.
Bryan Lum intro-ed
I enjoy the mellowness, a bit less pop, less mainstream Coldplay. Just pure, soothing listening. Lyrics are meaningful too. Btw I looked it up and the title has nothing to do with the song lol. Chris just wrote it while in Amsterdam
No comments:
Post a Comment