Headache

I just lost all my energy.
I guess I just don’t ever feel good doing fine dining. It’s a little childish for sure. But I really, really frown upon the whole culture of ‘elite’. And I guess I do believe my elder brother is in part the kind of arrogant, entitled swine that is apparently ‘sad that people don’t know how to dress up’. But then I’m reminded of the uncomfortable feeling I got not wearing a full formal suit for Lambda Chi’s formal. A little hypocrisy there. Then again, there’s a difference between eating just with your family (so really, who the fuck cares if you’re wearing a T-Shirt if there are no restaurant nor social rules to wear a shirt?) If it were up to me… ok goddam it I can’t concentrate with TV on, people in the room, and my thoughts running away as usual.

God I hate it when I have racing thoughts and no way to record it. Pretty much what happened in the steakhouse, a combination of disgust with throwing money away for at best slightly better food, and the caffeine running low, and the alcohol, and just the un-enthusiasm. Sometimes I wonder, incredulously, if I’m adopted, just because I’m so different. I hate privilege, and that’s why I hate me. I just feel undeserving at the moment. I just always see that homeless man, that poor family when my family spends this much money on what I think are frivolous things.