I've had a lot to think about, and I feel like I'm already in post exam phase halfway into the quarter. C'est la vie, ou peut être, c'est l'hiver.
Unfortunately, I think I am a little tired after all and won't write at length. Realism is how I cope but not what I ultimately want. It's hard to accept this pilgrimage status.
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I penned that a while ago, but today is a different story. A turn for the worse, unfortunately.
Surprise surprise, another 'frat' guy speaking about recent events. To be clear, I'm speaking as an individual here. I do not generally like to make too many public reactionary political comments (for reasons not relating to apathy), and especially for an issue like this, where I completely understand anybody who might feel my comments disingenuous or tokenist in nature. (And on the opposite end, making a big deal out of nothing) But honestly, I feel pretty strongly about it. And by strongly, I mean extremely disgusted, and extremely frustrated. I'm talking to fellow guys here. (and yes I acknowledge guys get raped too) Here goes the (calm-ish), admittedly preachy, rant.
First of all, while I acknowledge these are still 'allegations', it matters very little to my intention - whether they are found guilty or not, I'm going to use this unfortunately-realistic scenario as a good time to say something.
Actually, that's my second point. I believe the survivors, and I admire and respect their bravery. A lot of people question this assumption, alluding to 'due process of law, presumption of innocence'. It's unreal how frustrating this is, because while I respect it in principle, this is just not something tenable in practice. Many of these cases is one person's word against another. You know who wins then? The privileged guy with more money, contacts, and 'reputation at stake'. I hear people say 'this will open the gates of false rape accusations'. What person would go through all the legal and public trouble, on a lie? Why are we presuming the guy's innocence but imagining the girl to be some 'nasty woman'? What about her innocence? It is already not easy to relive trauma in court, let's not dissuade testimony on what are a minority of guys repeatedly violating HUMAN rights.
Another thing. Why the hell do we have a fraternity (and national HQ) on campus whose nickname at other schools is literally Sexual Assault Expected?! Actually, don't tell me, I know why, and I disagree. Yes, not all guys are bad. Heck, not all the brothers there are bad. But when this issue literally earns you a nickname, and there's been no institutional/cultural/leadership change (you can't just keep excusing yourself that 'oh this happened at another school we're fine', when you are supposed to be the national example/leadership), one has to seriously question their sincerity. Also, do not give these guys a space on campus when other less privileged groups don't.
That's my third point: it's a culture problem. If this was just a guy stealing property and UNLESS the frat was known to tell it's members 'taking people's property is fine, it's obvious the owner was careless', people will more likely believe it was an eccentric individual. But this isn't. We KNOW 'locker room talk' exists, because I've heard it, and all of us heard Mr. '10 minutes of action'. These are guys who treated women LIKE property, probably in part because they've heard brothers imply that they are, and that 'it's fine because she wants it, playing hard to get', or whatever nonsense.
And my last point. To my fellow brothers, to other guys, to myself, don't forget to always say something, and do something. Some people have given me dirty looks today, and I want to say, I welcome them. It's a fallacy in my opinion, that we call people 'woke'; awareness isn't past tense, it's present continuous. We should be 'staying woke'. It's a culture problem, and culture is an aggregation of habits. It's impossible to pretend your character developed in a vacuum, we have to check/remind ourselves always. I've caught myself saying or thinking or believing or feeling stupidly sexist things like 'dang this (female) professor is really annoying' and then imagining if a male professor had said the same thing, I wouldn't have batted an eye. Side note to my Singaporean friends, if you think this culture isn't in our society too, that it's an American hookup culture problem, I strongly ask you to reconsider.
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I penned that a while ago, but today is a different story. A turn for the worse, unfortunately.
Surprise surprise, another 'frat' guy speaking about recent events. To be clear, I'm speaking as an individual here. I do not generally like to make too many public reactionary political comments (for reasons not relating to apathy), and especially for an issue like this, where I completely understand anybody who might feel my comments disingenuous or tokenist in nature. (And on the opposite end, making a big deal out of nothing) But honestly, I feel pretty strongly about it. And by strongly, I mean extremely disgusted, and extremely frustrated. I'm talking to fellow guys here. (and yes I acknowledge guys get raped too) Here goes the (calm-ish), admittedly preachy, rant.
First of all, while I acknowledge these are still 'allegations', it matters very little to my intention - whether they are found guilty or not, I'm going to use this unfortunately-realistic scenario as a good time to say something.
Actually, that's my second point. I believe the survivors, and I admire and respect their bravery. A lot of people question this assumption, alluding to 'due process of law, presumption of innocence'. It's unreal how frustrating this is, because while I respect it in principle, this is just not something tenable in practice. Many of these cases is one person's word against another. You know who wins then? The privileged guy with more money, contacts, and 'reputation at stake'. I hear people say 'this will open the gates of false rape accusations'. What person would go through all the legal and public trouble, on a lie? Why are we presuming the guy's innocence but imagining the girl to be some 'nasty woman'? What about her innocence? It is already not easy to relive trauma in court, let's not dissuade testimony on what are a minority of guys repeatedly violating HUMAN rights.
Another thing. Why the hell do we have a fraternity (and national HQ) on campus whose nickname at other schools is literally Sexual Assault Expected?! Actually, don't tell me, I know why, and I disagree. Yes, not all guys are bad. Heck, not all the brothers there are bad. But when this issue literally earns you a nickname, and there's been no institutional/cultural/leadership change (you can't just keep excusing yourself that 'oh this happened at another school we're fine', when you are supposed to be the national example/leadership), one has to seriously question their sincerity. Also, do not give these guys a space on campus when other less privileged groups don't.
That's my third point: it's a culture problem. If this was just a guy stealing property and UNLESS the frat was known to tell it's members 'taking people's property is fine, it's obvious the owner was careless', people will more likely believe it was an eccentric individual. But this isn't. We KNOW 'locker room talk' exists, because I've heard it, and all of us heard Mr. '10 minutes of action'. These are guys who treated women LIKE property, probably in part because they've heard brothers imply that they are, and that 'it's fine because she wants it, playing hard to get', or whatever nonsense.
And my last point. To my fellow brothers, to other guys, to myself, don't forget to always say something, and do something. Some people have given me dirty looks today, and I want to say, I welcome them. It's a fallacy in my opinion, that we call people 'woke'; awareness isn't past tense, it's present continuous. We should be 'staying woke'. It's a culture problem, and culture is an aggregation of habits. It's impossible to pretend your character developed in a vacuum, we have to check/remind ourselves always. I've caught myself saying or thinking or believing or feeling stupidly sexist things like 'dang this (female) professor is really annoying' and then imagining if a male professor had said the same thing, I wouldn't have batted an eye. Side note to my Singaporean friends, if you think this culture isn't in our society too, that it's an American hookup culture problem, I strongly ask you to reconsider.
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