Can't supply it.
What is the price on me then?
Sometimes I wonder if you could just peak into my soul, see all my hopes and dreams, all my angst and struggles, all my good and wicked, I wonder how things would change.
As I sit here in the peace and quiet I do not tire in my speech, only responsibility beckons me to bed.
What if I said I think I can do this and I don't give a damn what you think?
What if I said those were my ideas and sorry but I hate them being stolen or getting ignored?
What if I said I always liked you but I made the sound choice not to pursue and ruin?
What if I told you I've had suicidal thoughts before but I stay here firmly grounded in hopes of Jesus Christ and that contrary to whatever you may think, it is not a psychological crutch, but an obligated suffering to follow him?
So much to say and here I lay, just trying to figure a way to express myself everyday.
Its really high time I change those two pics right?
Monday, 6 February 2012
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Shit just got real
Outburst
Why you so angsty li keen?
Maybe because i bottle up anger, repress my emotions, only for me to snap later on. Not that these emotions never get resolved, no, they do dissolve... But when the accumulation overcomes the neutralization of stress and getting pushed around, when you don't want to bombard your good friends with all your problems but instead throw them all over your not so good friends or even people you're harbouring malice against... I'm just scared of myself sometimes.
Biblical wisdom says we should never swear...
----------------------------------------------------------
When you try your best and you don't succeed, when you get what you wan but not what you need. When you feel so tired you can't sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------
Judgement
Are we entitled to judge? The immediate answer is no. What if you have to make realistic decisions? The answer isn't very clear then. Are we suppose to take the heat from everything? The direct answer is no. What if you know not doing so will make things less efficient, implicate others, and stir up trouble? Grayscales again.
What does it mean to be a new christian if the old habits kick in again?
----------------------------------------------------------
Attention
When I rant or whine I always feel nasty, feel guilty. I dislike people who do that all the time and now I seem to be doing the same thing. I whine and rant or inconclusive assumptions and rabble that only through the worst emotions will they surface. What is it I truly want? Attention. Told Kwang Ik about this ordeal and he said 'everyone wants it'. Are you sure? I'm not. And Sometimes I don't like talking to anyone at all! No time to post properly...
---------------------------------------------------------
A beautiful song... with for once, a clear yet deep meaning
Why you so angsty li keen?
Maybe because i bottle up anger, repress my emotions, only for me to snap later on. Not that these emotions never get resolved, no, they do dissolve... But when the accumulation overcomes the neutralization of stress and getting pushed around, when you don't want to bombard your good friends with all your problems but instead throw them all over your not so good friends or even people you're harbouring malice against... I'm just scared of myself sometimes.
Biblical wisdom says we should never swear...
----------------------------------------------------------
When you try your best and you don't succeed, when you get what you wan but not what you need. When you feel so tired you can't sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------
Judgement
Are we entitled to judge? The immediate answer is no. What if you have to make realistic decisions? The answer isn't very clear then. Are we suppose to take the heat from everything? The direct answer is no. What if you know not doing so will make things less efficient, implicate others, and stir up trouble? Grayscales again.
What does it mean to be a new christian if the old habits kick in again?
----------------------------------------------------------
Attention
When I rant or whine I always feel nasty, feel guilty. I dislike people who do that all the time and now I seem to be doing the same thing. I whine and rant or inconclusive assumptions and rabble that only through the worst emotions will they surface. What is it I truly want? Attention. Told Kwang Ik about this ordeal and he said 'everyone wants it'. Are you sure? I'm not. And Sometimes I don't like talking to anyone at all! No time to post properly...
---------------------------------------------------------
A beautiful song... with for once, a clear yet deep meaning
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Waxing and Waning
After all this time I'm still trying to figure myself out.
Don't know bout you but I think when people just stop questioning themselves, when they stop trying to figure themselves out, they resort to 'its just me'. But is it really you? Are you really that lazy? Are you really that scared?...
Ever so often I feel high with energy and ready to take on so many things, meet new people, have fun with old friends.
And after some slump, after disappointments maybe, or possibly just ran out of steam, I find myself doing a hell lot of soul-searching and yes, God-searching too.
And like Collin said sometimes we look back on ourselves and just ask what we were doing all this time in the first place.
Saw a Ted talk about the 3As of awesome, one of them was 'authenticity'. Be yourself and be cool with it.
Another Ted talk on 'there are no scraps of men'. Teared a little on the train listening to it... these kind of displacing elements, those times I just empathize and see different worlds, its an exhausting experience.
And these moodswings are usually characterized by being more quiet in class, more efficient to some extent, not caring much how others see you, a playlist going through your head all the time. More single-player, more loner-ing, more nostalgia, more of looking back, at those blissful childhood times. Sabrina told me its a good thing to be able to be an introvert and an extrovert, but I'm not so sure. Its unsettling, confusing. I don't have a clear path to follow, I don't know where I'm going with things.
Lately people have been asking me what I'm going to take in Uni. I don't know guys.
Super random spontaneous poem
Just waxing and waning
Like the moon and tide
Smiling and fading
A widow, or a bride?
Did you see me where I wasn't?
Could you know my thoughts?
Atop the blue mountains, a valley across
To reach this snowy chamber of my conscious
I just thought and wrote that in the last 5 minutes, quite fun.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I swear the sound quality is much more awesome from my CD version (its kind of a duh but I just had to say xD)
Don't know bout you but I think when people just stop questioning themselves, when they stop trying to figure themselves out, they resort to 'its just me'. But is it really you? Are you really that lazy? Are you really that scared?...
Ever so often I feel high with energy and ready to take on so many things, meet new people, have fun with old friends.
And after some slump, after disappointments maybe, or possibly just ran out of steam, I find myself doing a hell lot of soul-searching and yes, God-searching too.
And like Collin said sometimes we look back on ourselves and just ask what we were doing all this time in the first place.
Saw a Ted talk about the 3As of awesome, one of them was 'authenticity'. Be yourself and be cool with it.
Another Ted talk on 'there are no scraps of men'. Teared a little on the train listening to it... these kind of displacing elements, those times I just empathize and see different worlds, its an exhausting experience.
And these moodswings are usually characterized by being more quiet in class, more efficient to some extent, not caring much how others see you, a playlist going through your head all the time. More single-player, more loner-ing, more nostalgia, more of looking back, at those blissful childhood times. Sabrina told me its a good thing to be able to be an introvert and an extrovert, but I'm not so sure. Its unsettling, confusing. I don't have a clear path to follow, I don't know where I'm going with things.
Lately people have been asking me what I'm going to take in Uni. I don't know guys.
Super random spontaneous poem
Just waxing and waning
Like the moon and tide
Smiling and fading
A widow, or a bride?
Did you see me where I wasn't?
Could you know my thoughts?
Atop the blue mountains, a valley across
To reach this snowy chamber of my conscious
I just thought and wrote that in the last 5 minutes, quite fun.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I swear the sound quality is much more awesome from my CD version (its kind of a duh but I just had to say xD)
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Time Flu Away
Sick ranting post?
Maybe.
Should be doing work?
Maybe.
Mom shouting at younger brother again not helping my sickness?
Maybe.
This flu reminds me strongly of my 4-month long sec 4 flu.
The same stupid mistakes... forgetting to bring medicine to school, accidently (or carelessly) taking in apparently harmless food, late hours, no rest, stubbornness to give up responsibility, relenting to some form of strenuous activity... And its another important year.
But its different isn't it.
Could blame my parents for falling sick (I mean, come on, my mother doesn't even exercise) at the same time, and after holding it out for a week, they finally gave it to me after a particularly tiring PE running 2.4. Could curse and swear for being somewhat irreplaceable, having a busy exco or otherwise, not finishing my holiday homework in Italy. I mean... its so difficult right? Doctors tell you to stay home. Even teachers do, but do they really understand what skipping a day of school means? Heck, a day of doing absolutely nothing? While the rest of the 'competition' speed ahead? And its not like I recover in 1 day. How could you forsake responsibility when it is most crucial? How can one decide between activities he promised he'd do? So many frustrations, worrying, all that jazz. Its just so sickening to be sick, can't eat this and that, drinking 10 tons of water, mind unfocused, having to sneeze and blow and spit your way through 2 hours in the toilet...
But its different isn't it.
The Holy Spirit is in me.
And that's all that matters folks :)
------------------------------------------------------------------
The picture that came second yesterday to the one on my tumblr photo of the day.
Maybe.
Should be doing work?
Maybe.
Mom shouting at younger brother again not helping my sickness?
Maybe.
This flu reminds me strongly of my 4-month long sec 4 flu.
The same stupid mistakes... forgetting to bring medicine to school, accidently (or carelessly) taking in apparently harmless food, late hours, no rest, stubbornness to give up responsibility, relenting to some form of strenuous activity... And its another important year.
But its different isn't it.
Could blame my parents for falling sick (I mean, come on, my mother doesn't even exercise) at the same time, and after holding it out for a week, they finally gave it to me after a particularly tiring PE running 2.4. Could curse and swear for being somewhat irreplaceable, having a busy exco or otherwise, not finishing my holiday homework in Italy. I mean... its so difficult right? Doctors tell you to stay home. Even teachers do, but do they really understand what skipping a day of school means? Heck, a day of doing absolutely nothing? While the rest of the 'competition' speed ahead? And its not like I recover in 1 day. How could you forsake responsibility when it is most crucial? How can one decide between activities he promised he'd do? So many frustrations, worrying, all that jazz. Its just so sickening to be sick, can't eat this and that, drinking 10 tons of water, mind unfocused, having to sneeze and blow and spit your way through 2 hours in the toilet...
But its different isn't it.
The Holy Spirit is in me.
And that's all that matters folks :)
------------------------------------------------------------------
The picture that came second yesterday to the one on my tumblr photo of the day.
Friday, 13 January 2012
Keep Calm and Carry On
No time to blog. So much to do, spare time is for lepaking now. To everyone, keep calm and carry on, and to Christians, remind yourself who's in charge, it really motivates.
Thanks Jaren for this!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This game was really a good run (or drive). It is not for people going for realistic dope (glances over to rewindingmylife.blogspot.com) But the fantastic scenery and gameplay, kickass indie soundtrack and just good 'ol burning rubber and trading paint makes it one of the games that became a part of me free-er, younger days. Perhaps it set the stage for appreciation of more indie stuff. Brings back some nostalgia, this song. Not to mention the artist is speaking of his past.
Thanks Jaren for this!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This game was really a good run (or drive). It is not for people going for realistic dope (glances over to rewindingmylife.blogspot.com) But the fantastic scenery and gameplay, kickass indie soundtrack and just good 'ol burning rubber and trading paint makes it one of the games that became a part of me free-er, younger days. Perhaps it set the stage for appreciation of more indie stuff. Brings back some nostalgia, this song. Not to mention the artist is speaking of his past.
Monday, 9 January 2012
Ooh change in template
I realize they order posts by date, and I started one other post. But before finishing it I finished the last one, so its below that. Don't miss it if you're stalking me! xD
Saturday, 7 January 2012
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