Church Lurch

Going into Christianity was a sort of 'let's try it and see what happens' thing. Of course if you want to romanticize the statement it would be more like 'exert that little faith, and open your heart to Jesus'.
I was careful to tell myself that it would be insincere and inaccurate to keep any 'safety's on. That is, to erase any misgivings, and accept certain essentials (such as the existence of Jesus) without questioning incessantly. A year later and I'm reminded that it started out as, quite crudely, a little 'adventure'. Of course, it was much more serious than just going to church making friends and singing hymms. I was thinking a lot. A lot a lot a lot. And after truly accepting for a year, its almost a sort of 'control' experiment that I'm doing precisely the opposite and having 'a little adventure' outside of Christianity again.

The simple answer of my current views will likely prove utterly dissatisfying to the reader. 'I. Don't. Know.' It's a little lazy (I need a break from all this existential stuff ok!) but sufficiently justified, at least in my opinion. The short story is that very unfortunately, it is very unclear who is right, and no I can't be bothered for now really. And though it is rather ad hominem, the general trend is that Christians in my class are nice people, possess good attitudes, but very under-read (and sometimes seem disturbingly brainwashed), whilst the atheists can be judgmental, but not unjustified, given that they seem to be the smartest and most well-read in the class. (It is debatable that any of these attributes can be evidence. For one thing truly believing you will be condemned to an eternity of hellfire and burning sulfur should you slack in character can be a pretty good motivator, and possessing world-ly knowledge and smarts could be a catalyst for arrogance, a deterrent to faith) A highly polarized class is not helping. A highly polarized society is not helping. Highly polarized parents are not helping. For now at least, I'll be roaming the unexplored and desolate middle-ground.

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All around me there was a wall of fog. It was not a solid barrier able to knock, but a mysterious a threatening aura. It said don't come any closer, I said don't come any closer. Was it not within this fog when I could think calmly? An an eye of a hurricane? And how so; can one proceed in without first understanding the maelstrom's nature? For it is furious but magnificent as anything could have been if it had that specific potent mix of power and unsettlement.

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FOO BEATLES?? WHAT?? HUH WHO? Feel that the album version brings out the awesome guitar riff better. (a bit of a duh, but their performance is dam good too)