In ancient Rome there was a park like place with benches on the side and a pedestal at one end. Marble columns, potted plants, archways lined this stepped platform. A platform for the exchange of ideas.
Liken it to the speaker's corner or the wet market, the forums have always been vibrant in liberal republics with freedom of speech.
Now, on the digital plane are vast quantities of threads and discussions on internet forums.
Did you know VS has a forum?
Yup, for ages it stood, populated by the bored and the enthusiastic alike. More than that, it was like a predecessor to my blog and other blogosphere. A large plethora of tag boxes all in one place.
- A small group of usually intelligent individuals well learnt in the topic of discussion
- A central theme to any thread
- Constant updating everyday, but unlike Instant Messaging, was at different times of the day; periodically.
Everyday I posted I was hopeful. Hopeful for a well crafted reply, hopeful that more people will come and join in, but not too many that it turns into a spam box of immature students.
Though it has been long since anyone posted, I ventured in again, and read. I read what used to be my 'blog'. The place I would check everyday and replied. It was well preserved, thank god.
I realized the people who posted there before have changed, for better or worse. It saddened me, it was looking back into a time of joy and new beginnings; now it is coming to stress and an end.
I posted again. In the empty 4D thread. A monument of past exploits it shall be, much like my misadventures with Tze Yang and HWPG, where a blog still stands which I will not delete. Embarrassing or not it does not matter, I am not afraid to show my past and will never be. It was a part of me and maybe still am.
I spent 12 years of my life aiming to be a teacher, Mathematics to be precise, Science to be imprecise.
Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked I went through secondary one. After so long not stopping to think, I realized I don't have to be a teacher to be happy. I assumed being a teacher was my calling, but as a certain GOH said, 'Do what you love, or love what you do.' Combined with the rolling stone's 'You can't always get what you want,' and you can derive that, try to do what you love, your passion, but if you don't get what you want, try your best to love what your doing, no matter how mundane.
Its like after planning for so long, expecting and assuming, it all falls apart. That's when you start to reflect and think it over, and recover even. I guess its learning to be adaptable, flexible. Plan, but don't assume it will.
During Primary Five our school hired Dr Re Jabien (or something like that) to give us a lecture on studying, examinations, etc.
After years of contradictory advice, I'm once again stuck. I'll give you an example. He said 7 hours of sleep is the best option, because studies have shown 8 hours is when you enter deep sleep and dreaming which is difficult to awake from. Then Mdm Ow said 8 hours is just enough for exams, 'proven by scientists'. Mdm Kwok now says sleep less each day, possibly reaching four hours, then rest on the last day of the cycle.
I guess its up to us to choose.
Who we want to trust, whom we respect the most, who is credible, etc. I recently discovered that we place trust in many things and are unaware of it, maybe because we complacently exist in a safe and secure society like Singapore. In a way it was Combined Humanities that made me aware of it.
If you don't understand the title, it means turning point.
I had a dilemma this afternoon. Deciding if I should retake the Chinese Examinations. My mind was quite set on not retaking because 1. My Mother discourages me from doing so and since she usually advocates chinese and studying, she had enhanced reliability 2. My orals was Merit, I thought my paper 2 wouldn't be able to do much better than in May. 3. I can focus on my other subjects that are dropping in standard
Then Ms Ho talked to me and I decided to retake because 1. Merit for orals is not really that bad 2. HMT students would not be counted in the same bell curve and apparently 3. I had potential 4. My AEP was kind of done
Then I talked to Ms Tan and I decided not to retake once again because 1. HMT students WILL be counted in the same bell curve 2. My chinese 'career' isn't really over, I still take it in JC 3. Both my teachers (sec 1/2 & 4) agree it'll be too demanding of me 4. I wasn't prepared, err in general terms. 5. My AEP COURSEWORK was kind of done, but SOVA is still so far away, I wish you were here, in terms of grades I'm getting.
Back to being a Maths teacher, I kind of lost interest in Maths... with increased interest in Humanities. Turning point? Decisions... difficult.
Music is very personal to me, and probably to everyone. Everyone's playlist is different.
Me? I'm a pretty conservative guy. I like a lot of oldies, bands like ABBA and the Beatles first got me interested because my mom likes the former and my dad the latter.
If you look at my playlist, I'm not sure if you can tell if I'm loyal to any artist haha.
In no order of merit.
Some of my favourites:
Linkin Park - For meaningful lyrics and alternative sound. Unique and unforgettable.
Breaking the Habit, Leave out all the rest, Faint, etc.
Green Day - For rock and poetry. The lead singer has a very nice controlled tone.
Boulevard of broken dreams, Holiday, 21 Guns, etc.
Kevin McMullan, Chris Rippy, Stephen Rippy - For their musuc in Ensemble Studios. I JUST REALLY FEEL IT. Lol. I don't know what to say. When I listen to their pieces, I just feel lost in them, I can listen to the music for hours without getting tired.
Behold the Great Science Fi, Of licious, The Ballad of Ace Lebaron, etc.
AHHH need to study BIO! OK I'll make it quick.
Avril Lavigne - For catchy and original sound
Coldplay - For versatility in instruments and deep lyrics.
Maroon 5 - For jazzy pop
U2 - For soulful singing and charity.
Others include: Whoever the damn made all those RS songs, Frank Klepacki, Muse, Electrico, etc.
I emphasize though, some songs are just phases.
Right now into:
Old favourite, gets me hyped up. Techno beat and reminds me of the fun C & C series
Heard my elder brother (who has 3 days worth of music) playing this, very catchy.
Hah! Don't tell me you haven't heard of this. Though the lyrics is very simple (about letting loose and dance!). Really got me cause it was the main song on Fifa 2004, so everytime my elder bro plays I can enjoy it.
Yes this (fan-made) music video was made in Singapore! Evidently, I used to subscribe to this guy on youtube, but he stopped making vids =(
I saw this on Zaki's blog. Though I'm sure his much more a fan of such ochestral music than me, I still love it. Beautiful, story-telling, emotional music does not need lyrics. The cartoon is equally heart-warming, and in just 12 minutes the animation and music moved me to near tears. Classic Disney. I wished they'd continue making cartoons like this.
Artists I fuckinghate dislike include Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.
Sad to say, maybe I had a bad impression of Justin Bieber because I first listened to him watching MTV and I couldn't tell his gender. Seriously. Do I think he is talented? I don't know. How old is he? Too young.
As for Lady Gaga, Paparazzi was nice and Poker face was OK to say the most, but she seemed to think singing in high keys (usually falsetto) was too clean and not freaky original enough. Then she just had to make that NOXIOUS and disgusting Bad Romance. The music video is ARGHHHHH. OK sorry I was trying to recall it to describe it but I blacked out and my brained stopped me from getting traumatised (again).Mainstream is getting from bad to worse.
Many critics are blasting the Youth Olympics for being a louzy copy of the Olympic Games, and I partially agree. Where are the soccer teams from Europe? Not even Malaysia sent a team.
Though to give Singapore credit, this is the first YOG, and perhaps the idea hasn't really taken off yet.
Yesterday was Zimbabwe vs Singapore in the group stage.
After the Straits Times wrote an article on Zimbabwe's confident prediction 5-0 to them, it was quite apparent that the Straits Times MAY have gotten what they REALLY WANTED. Riled Singaporeans. At JB stadium, much of the school, despite being told to also support Zimbabwe, was clearly one sided (for Singapore) to me.
I appreciate that they have passion for Singapore though, and was quite happy to see I was clearly wrong in my earlier post 'National Sigh' ... to some extent. (Hey have to give myself credit OK!?)
You know? I liken the first half of the game to Shaolin Soccer. If you watched, remember the first game the Shaolin team played? Opponents jeering (5-0 confidence), then THEY kick-off (or was it us?), intercepted, pass pass & GOALLLL and spirited team embrace and goal celebration (ours), plus the opponent's goalkeeper didn't notice (Zimbabwe goalee stun).
Though we were supposed to cheer for our partner country (Zimbabwe), it was clear how biased we were lol. That sounds too negative, I'm saying its quite ironic we were meant to help Zimbabwe (who did not have many fans), in the end we made it worse by supporting Singapore lol.
Today's ST article on the event was also quite, I would say, 'edited'. See we actually went there to cheer for Zimbabwe and Singapore, and on a side note watch our VS player Jefferey Litefoot. However, the news seems to think we did it there to support Singapore ONLY because of our VS player! HMMMM, the editor wanted to get Singaporeans to rally and see that VS is patriotic, hence it is biased and I cannot trust this author!!! L5/7 !!!! YES YES YES... Err nvm
Jazz has a kind of swing to it that soothens my senses. Though this also has a bit of rock.
One of the best Outros (Opposite of intro) I've ever heard
I'm sitting all alone on the 2nd floor of my house. I solemnly like it.
I finished REPLAYING a fantasy game I finished a week ago... I sound like an addict but I'm pretty depressed, mostly because tommorrow is school again.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of the 'O's
I'm scared of my coursework
I'm scared of my life.
I'm scared I'm reverting to an emotional wreck, task-oriented, cold, and unable to control emotions.
I wonder if its why I like fantasy.
Fantasy where I don't have to be scared. (You can load save game)
Fantasy where magic is alive and life is magic.
Everyday is new, a quest, a story, a person, a skill.
I never want to leave, but I know it will end.
I try not to think about it, because I'm scared of that too.
Scared of the end yet long for it. I don't understand. I'm confused.
I read the entire Harry Potter series 6 times.
I go on hours continuously reading mythology and history.
I enjoy fantasy games the most. Mights and magic, sword and sorcery.
Runescape, Age of Empires, Age of Mythology, Kameo, etc.
I'm scared I can't control it.
This affliction, this addiction to fantasy.
Most importantly. I'm alone.
I'm alone in a single player RPG. Powerful enough to defeat my deepest fears, of ghosts & humanoids.
I can control whatever I say, make new friends. My life is planned out for me; I just need to choose the right triggers and finish the right quests.
I used to say I like playing games with people because I find single player boring. I was lying to myself.
I thought that shunning your friends away is anti-social behaviour, and it makes me a freak. I would never forgive myself.
Is it stress?
Do I need help?
I detest being patronized, much like Toph.
Yet I think I need it badly.
Am I overreacting... I'm scared.
They say friends help.
But I admit it, I often seek solace in solitude. I'm scared to be around people when I'm depressed.
I'm not comforted by 'chillax la' or 'it's OK one la don't stress'. I wonder if they really understand.
I think I should be maxed out 'C' personality. I don't know why, is there something wrong with me?
But in the fantasy, in the history and mythology, there is nothing wrong with me. I master my own fate, I spectate the sufferers and I create my own luck.
I feel like crying, and I like to think Jaren's discovered quote is right.
"Crying is not a sign of weakness, since birth, it has been a sign of life."
Is it wrong to get emotional over movies, over games? Should you remain stoic and bottle up feelings?
I don't think you'll enjoy anything as much that way.
I think this blog really helps.
Whoever you are, don't let me get emo. You know that 14-year old who whacked the teacher. I don't want to be like that, yet I'm afraid I might.
I can't say what game I'm playing online. SMS me if you want to know why and what. The sequel is coming, I hope it comes right after 'O' Levels. This is the game I am most willing to spend money on.
I know its runecape music 3 times in a row. I guess I wanted to show it the most, and hope that someone would understand why I love the music. Listen to the flute (if thats what it is). The song is actually based on a barren island, devestated and destroyed by Elvarg (the dragon you PWN in dragon slayer). Yet, it is quiet and peaceful, almost serene; admist all the destruction.
Close your eyes and listen. Don't let doubts and thoughts like 'this is stupid' or whatever spoil it. That's how I feel.
Our safe streets. I hate that feeling. That feeling I get in other countries. You got to watch your back. You even have to look foolish and put your bag in front to be cautious. Sometimes you can't even venture out at night, knowing you can get mugged any second. Even in other developed countries like America, where I don't really understand why they even allow guns, maybe because I was born here. I don't like real guns anyway, sure you can play all those FPS games but when it come down to it, I'd hate to wield a real gun; and my assaliant to wield one too.
Our lucky stars Lee Kuan Yew, Goh Keng Swee, Toh Chin Chye, S. Rajaratnam, etc. I cannot fathom what it'd be like without them. I used to think it was because a small country is easier to govern and that we had a very good geographical location for sea trade. Then I realized every country has natural strengths and weaknesses. Capitalizing on strengths, and mitigating weaknesses is no mean feat. I mean, all non-landlocked countries have ports. We don't have an ounce of oil when countries like Iraq, Oman, etc. do, and maybe you haven't noticed, but our population is a tiny ant in a refridgerator.
Our racial harmony. Looking at France banning full veils, looking at Arizona pass its immigration law, Japan's almost non-existent non-Japanese population, I know. I know that being raised in Singapore without prejudice and that much blatant or subtle racism is so, so great.
Even our clean toilets.
If you've been to other countries and listen attentively during humanities classes, you can feel it too.
I cannot fathom what its like without our founding fathers. Look at Ethiopia, Congo. Yes they just made peace ---- after years of civil war. I am so grateful, so appreciative, so lucky.
Yet, my generation has many who think quite the opposite.
Today at National Day observent ceremony, the rich fag and 'cool gang' were standing in front of me. When the national anthem played I sang pretty loud (because the band plays slightly lower so I can reach the notes on real voice), and they gave me that look. That 'what the hell is wrong with you' look. You can't imagine how infuriated I got.
SO NOW ITS WRONG TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM LOUDLY AND PROUDLY IS IT? THAT US TEENAGERS CANNOT BE 'BRAINWASHED' BY 'THE MAN?'
HOW FUCKING IMMATURE CAN THESE PEOPLE GET?
Do they think that they are above Singapore? That, if they were born in another country they'll still be as whats that phrase they usually use nowadays? "Fucking Awesome?" I don't want to lose my temper but I really really hate it. Hate that I'm even associated with these kind of people!
I bet if they read this post they'd think that I'm a lost soul whose been 'brainwashed by the system'. That somehow, 'they know'. Somehow they are better than me, because they are not patriotic. That somethings wrong with me. That I'm a goof, a douchebag in their language.
Am I jumping to conclusions? Making assumptions? I think I've lived to see these students' behaviours too long to be wrong. Do they have so called family problems? "My mom's a faggot." "I hate my dad." Are they molesting you? Did they lock you in a tower far from anyone until you 'let down your hair?'
I'm losing the hope that the friend's around me give me, because of the overwhelming number of teens who can't grow up in my generation.
After that the announcer requested that we remain standing, obviously in respect for the National Day message to all schools. I'm sure you all can guess by now what the response was. 'Sigh!' 'Wah lau!' 'Wtf is their problem!' 'Shit la I knew it!'
Then Jun Yew made the comment, 'Live our dreams, fly our kites haha.' to spoof this years theme. I cannot allow myself to tolerate anyone saying something I dislike, even my best friends. Maybe it was a build up of anger from the idiots in front of me whom I detest, but I called Jun Yew the 'B' word.
Was I overreacting?
Cross Country was quite fun. Somehow or rather I picked up the Glam House flag just lying on the tree. I jokingly quipped it was "my destiny" to my juniors and peers. All of a sudden we were called to do the mass run.
The next thing I knew I was running with the house flag. AWESOME LOL. Super fun and funny, running with Jin Xiang (also from Glam) taking turns to carry the flag. Beat the Whampoa and VS flag bearer who gave up when we passed them. Yeah we were called Yong Weeextra a few times on the way but I didn't care, and neither did Jin Xiang. It was like being an Olympic Torch Bearer or charging the Confederates with Union soldiers behind us.
Just yesterday I finally experienced watching a VS soccer match without being forced to go.
Maybe cause I'm going to graduate soon, so I sort of want to experience everything VS in the short amount of time before the 'O's. So although unconventional, I can now tell my friends I ran the mass run with a house flag lol.
I am awfully embarassed to say I didn't post any RS songs because I was afraid of rejection, but I'm not afraid anymore. I don't care what other people think so much, its for me to enjoy then. My own little world.
I know how Penny feels.
When you've made a plan and it doesn't work out.
Disappointment, despair, hopelessness, pessimism.
When will AEP end I ask?
I broke down today, probably by that enzyme bacteria produce haha.
I cried...
Countless times I prepare myself for this kind of situation and yet...
From a child to an adult, what decisions do we make? E-maths B3.
I used to like maths, it was challenging yet manageable. Now, its boring and difficult to master. Hate maths now. I know I'm contradicting myself.
Back to AEP
I actually thought I could finish today.
Infer please.
Cried my way through the lesson after Quinn and the teachers made me realize it ain't going to happen.
For years now I struggled and fumbled with AEP, I should have seen this coming.
My 'C' stands out when I'm emo. 'I' when I'm happy go lucky.
The other day when I went to celebrate my Primary School's two friends birthdays, met a certain person at Sakae Sushi.
I made a huge mistake last time admitting my crush on MSN.
Things didn't heal for me after that. I still feel ultra awkward around her.
So when she came to wish my friend happy birthday, I just put up a false front, smiled, acted normal; but inside, I just cannot get over the embarrassment. 'C'.
It kind of makes it worse that my siblings are both male and I'm in a boy's school.
Unthinkably stressed and depressed right now.
My 'friends' all try to cheer me up. Is it instinct or true care, I wonder.
Some of these 'friends' I've tried to 'correct' before.
I guess I was wrong to be so arrogant.
Yet I'm angry they are still like that. Are they right? You know, the smoking paikia type. Are they just broken souls who have resigned to failure and stooped so low in humiliation and went into hiding, hiding behind a facade.
The world is so complex.
I don't know if I want people around me when I'm emotional or not. I think the latter. Like I said, 'C'.
So after a slight tantrum I went to the choir room, thankfully unlocked. The piano was on, I pondered if it was a sign. Played Runescape songs, and fuck it whomever think its lame. I cried even more profusely at the sound of the songs. My little world of Runescape. Maybe I'm more 'C' than I think. I prefer small groups of friends and games that my friends don't even play sometimes.
This version is a bit strong and less emo than the way I play it.
