Notes

Follow

Losing steam, while i was ahead

Which track was i meant for?

Someone gave me a map

But i had no compass

Veered left and veered right,

Followed the winds then dug my own tunnels. 

I want to be like him, and him and him.

No, be yourself they told me.

Tell that to a crook, a villain

Is wrong inherent? Or wait like wine, sweeter with age?

Under the oak

I sat and pondered

Silent i soaked

time i squandered

Under the ash 

I dreamed and wondered

Thought i was rash

Really a coward

Was afraid of choosing and losing

Was afraid of commitment to something i couldnt see the end to

Nagging in my head

Procrastinate and hate

Lying on my bed 

The cold bites again

And again and again

Left it to my will

Like a child succumbed

Realized now, forgetting later

Wrong

Knowing but uncontrolling

Left nothing but distaste

Bitter and lingering

Was it the sickness or the medicine?

Which is better - to live or to enjoy a wasted living

Sought refuge in crevices

Fooled only myself

Shadows don't disappear in the dark

They engulf wholly instead

Get out of my head

Never ending feelings against thoughts

the writer, the artist

Unfulfiling.

Every day I live by the superficial things.
The material things.

Wins in dota

Wins in pokemon

Finishing manga

Finishing cartoons

Cups of coffee

Plates of  Bhar Chor Mee

They said it is true joy to live by the simple things such as these.

But is that a delusion?
Is that an excuse for materialism?

Addiction to coffee used to be a joke.
But when my mind becomes so fixated on getting it right before classes, just after lunch, in a rush...

That when I don't get it I sulk and fume, I lose focus for the day.

It's not right is it.

Jia Lok told me frankly how serious it could get.

And I cling on to that dream that nothing anyone says is ever that serious.

Yet everyday I wished my platoon mates were more serious regarding army matters.

Where does the hypocrisy end?

Those solemn moments. Looking out the view just outside my class in camp

Watching the flag lower at sundown...

Blogging...

All the same questions, answered and unanswered again. 

I sought to give Yams a taste of positivity and a strong will, yet it was self-defeating.

Empathy always had it roots in shared mindsets. My off days get worse and drag on.

And it's Sunday again.

I'm a nerd, a loser, an addict.

I stay at home on weekends all day playing the same games with the same people.

Where did everyone go?

I said I hate routine. Is this the effect on my mood now? Why am I scared to exit my comfort zone?
Why do I cling on to the notion that I'm still 'settling into army'.

Where did my courage go?

Where did my camera go?

To the statuses, the people not taking part in activities. Locked in camp.

I wish I had someone.

Or do I really?

Always wanting the benefits but never the baggage.
Laziness and routine.

I wish for so much more. 

There's this manga I'm reading that Yams may like. Yet for all my "honesty" I tell myself it's not right for her, as if I knew best. I care about her, should principle come before that? I know she reads this blog sometimes, so I guess this is the compromise when I hide behind my facade in foolish cowardice.

Poems

Untitled
The truth is in view
The perspective of our world's hue
Our state of mind holds the choice
to what we see as true
our mood dictates
and our emotions inflate
but that's an opinion too,
perhaps we control the way we think
we can choose optimism in a blink
Don't let the blues get you.

Sitting Alone
Sitting alone
in quiet, contemplate
A common sight if only you'd behold,
the behind his shared humanity

For each of us has thought
on a beach on a bench
or just at home.
In a park or on a ledge
All alone.

In it's mysterious power solitude
has ways of letting us know
who we are and how we feel.

What I can't say but have to
Whatever I say
I hide inside
my true intentions
not malice of deceit
just confusion
How do I separate
animal and instinct
from soul and feelings?

A week

So enjoyed this week...

Ending it here.

A old toy from Jia Lok

A more recent toy from Yan Mei

I dislike care bears, just saying. But because it's from her, of course it's an exception. Hm that sign on his belly makes it look like it's from Carl's Jr.
My mother made that little toy house from a set me and my younger brother were meant to play with.
Still love my 50mm.

Wish I finished my tumblr... In the end I didn't make an effort to look for subject matters during exams to take. :/

The 6AM Train

Written a while back

A shooting star at night
Plainly, diligently traveling
Carrying the tired
Waiting in anticipation

Some sit some stand
Most slumber
Or let themselves go
To the sounds of ambiance and stereo

Moments like these
Moments alive
They give me strange comfort
In my existence I recognize theirs

Change

My elder bro's back!

---------------------------

Yams came back the other day and we had outings together for two days ending in a sentimental moment. Wish we could pause. But as the Paramore song goes ~ "It's time to move forward..."
 Going to leave Sierra Wing after 3 months... dam. Don't know where I'm going.
YY was really happy that "I had friends" lol. Shaun pointed out I'm very different in school and in army. Maybe. Or it's just the same and I'm showing more of one side. I just cannot feel free in the army. It's like when I got spectacles haha.

Guess I intended to write this a little earlier. But it's OK.

I love white.

My old friend whom i've known for a while does too... http://keepingcomposure.tumblr.com/
And so does this photographer... http://vincentmunier.com/

Odd hours

Sometimes I can control my sleeping time.

Sometimes I just want to stay up.

And its 1.50am. Not the latest, not early at all.

Detrimental to the body, but what about the soul and mind?

... I have so much work to do. Right before a crazy exercise. I need my rest. I need so much. What about others who need?

Just one more day burnt and its over ain't it. Book outs are too short to grow.

Yong Xin came into my room today to say how soothing my photos are. I know what he means... It's why I put them. It makes me... sober. Maybe a bit melancholic. It reminds me of the places where I feel... I feel.

Times like these. The odd hours.

Tomorrow I will be disciplined.