There are things I wished worked out a different way or in a different time, but I've arrived at the airport too early or maybe too late, and now you wait there neither here nor there. I wake up these mornings with my head racing randomly but interspersed with lucid questions of my identity and career especially, the two intertwined though often people tell you not to let that happen. There are so many crashing waves of contradictions, and the noise is being amplified by how much caffeine I'm drinking all the time now. I need to let it be, breath and just see and accept things as they are. My anxiousness, imposter syndrome, fear, need to be felt out from the past and understood for what they compel me to do. Would I be okay with the worst? Is that a good question?
I've gotten married! I love her very much and dream of growing old with her. Now comes the easy and hard parts of living. Many things resurfaced this week as I saw old faces and relived old fears and wants. I wish for someone sometimes that I could invoke to talk deeply with, but hear about theirs too. There is a level of understandable superficialness in the material reality of adult lives that can be tiring, and I understand why people seek spirituality better perhaps. Let it be. You are not a loser (from little miss sunshine).
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