Policy of Isolationism

I've always been afraid of being left out. I don't know when it started, but for all I could remember I've always been afraid of being stupid. Its a blessing and a curse. It has made me more aware of the world around me, it had honed my ears to listen to the sharpest details of any conversation. Haiz.

You know, I'm getting a bit lonely nowadays, when I'm at home just playing single player by myself I wish I was out with my friends. When I'm out with my friends I wish I was at home just soloing. Am I getting more anti-social? Haiz I don't know. I used to be very enthusiastic about going out. Well now I'm just an exhausted little fellow. Err I have no idea why I changed the subject all of a sudden either, think theres a lot going on in my mind since I haven't been blogging, yeah sorry bout that if you like reading my blog. Then again, is anyone even reading? Ho ho cheem siol.

Well back to being afraid of being right left out. Is that why I like reading the newspaper? No I don't think so. I genuinely like thinking. Thinking of what I would do in different situations. I like thinking of which side I would take, like say, red shirts or Abhisit. I like talking about politics and current events, sharing opinions, finding like-minded individuals. Unfortunately...its almost like no one reads the newspaper as explicitly me as me. I feel really depressed when they don't. I try to start a conversation on something like that and they glare at me as if I said something wrong. Do they think I'm showing off? Do they think talking about current affairs makes you a boring adult? Can they be that senseless? ....Partly why I like Wei Chung's and Marcus's (both of 'em) company. They are aware of these events and its really fun talking to them about it, having a good laugh together at like 'alabama teacher being investigated' (for teaching geometry by giving the anellergy of 'which angle to shoot the president from') =) At least there are people around me who don't think I'm a show off...

You know its ironic. I mean displaying your knowledge in a field you find interesting applies to everyone. I mean Rifdi does tell me all about Adam Lambert and Black Sabbath etc. Do I think his showing off? No. I know he genuinely loves this topic. Why are they condemning me for reading MM Lee's interview with a japanese reporter word for word when they probably do the same on wikipedia on Robert Downey Jr? Just yesterday Rifdi was talking to me during Iron Man 2 about the Australian band A.C.D.C and a few other things I couldn't hear. I didn't mean to offend him when I said I couldn't hear him a few times. I couldn't tell if he was disappointed, but I was really disappointed myself. I wanted to hear him out, give him a chance to tell me what he knows about something he likes, in hopes that he would hear me out too and we both learn something. Its these mistakes and missed oppotunities that often get me down when I'm out with my friends. I'm making socializing sound like a business venture sighz... "Just enjoy yourself =) " I say.

And I did, Iron Man 2 was a very good movie with plenty of action and witty or just plain slapstick jokes. Plot was built upon nicely from the first although supervillian (Whiplash)'s side story was not fully elaborated, it was a bit of a squeeze for so many different character developments but I still think the script is hell better than Transformer's dialogue... seriously don't understand why anyone would think transformer's is better that any Disney Movie, I'm not insulting the latter, they really do a fine job with their animations and all those kiddish characters or morales and way better than a lof of movies today. I do like Disney movies you know? Its not being childish to watch them, their stories are usually interesting (who would imagine WE landing on an alien planet and not the other way around!) and frankly, I feel a lot of youngsters my age ought to listen to values they teach because they don't seem to practice them.

If you read my blog, would you like me to comment on movies (aka review them?) or talk about current events? Tell me K?

Hey just because its by the same band that sang Teen Titans doesn't mean their songs aren't nice, I mean how does that even make sense TELL ME? Very nice jazz and jovial song, which I prefer most of the time to songs with a lot of emoing, shouting and screaming. You don't have to like it. And yes it does sound like xishuashua

Excerpts from my mobile blog

I'm writing in my diary now because I don't have time to blog much. I've been reflecting and thinking a lot again ever since Rhapsody <----awesome. Don't know why, maybe because when I reflect on choir, I also reflect on half of my secondary school life isn't it? Maybe even more.

So now I've started writing in my untouched school journal. Here are some excerpts.

20/4 : Today I'm starting what madam Ow told us to do. To write down lines in our head we think are awesome. Finally I have a use for the school journal =) (Describing a crystal) It was crystal clear, hard to the touch, soft on the eyes.

22/4: 'Integrity will get you no marks but will get you further in life' - Mr Wong, my chemistry teacher. There is something about teachers, that just makes me smile.

23/4: Argh, lost my to do list... Fail.

26/4: Today I awoke like yesterday was a dream. It was sobering as I remembered I had SPA2 and English Oral today. I hadn't finished any homework and am going to start Night Study Program (NSP) today. It feels oddly like a game campaign. Where this 'semi-powerful' enemy appears from the blue while you are fighting the main one. So you join forces with your old enemy or concentrate on fighting it first. Then after you finish the mission killing this enemy. You get this partly nostalgic, partly driven, partly accomplished feeling; Your done here, but it isn't over. Rhapsody was a success, time for the O levels.

28/4: I sat at the 4C table today. Colin was really nice. But then he left. Who was to take his place? Euy Gnos. I don't know why, I just hate him. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, people whom I know are decent seem to like him, and he is a wise cracker. He hasn't done anything unpleasant to me. So why? Am I wrong to breed hatred to people whom just aren't like me? Who have different ways of living? Came to AEP with everyone lazing around playing rock music. Its times like this when I want to quit AEP... I thought Jia Lok coming to sit next to me will make me less lonely. Instead, it has made me more lonely than ever. I'm so selfish, I should let Jia Lok talk to my other friends while I do my own work, for them. Don't know why, I'm just so emo today.

29/4: Looked through my photos today. I realized there is a stark difference between my holiday photos and work portfolio. And it has dawned on me just how limited AEP really is. Is art really freedom of expression? On holiday, where I have no subject matter, and I have all the time in the world, my shots become interesting and less confined to conventions and technicalities.

30/4: I don't know what to do. Everday I see people around me flaring up. Teachers picking on students. Students protesting back by showing apathy in class. There is mutual dislike, I can see it in their eyes, no matter what Marcus says. He is such a good friend, I should take some of his advice a bit more. I just... I just feel it is up to them to decide whether they are above hatred and see good in people they dislike, U.S-Sino? They should have inter-faith dialogue haha... Still, what are their objectives? Why remain defiant and anger the teachers even more? Why scold the students indifferently and anger THEM even more? Is it unjustified to act in sacrifice of the other if the other doesn't give a damn? Is it wrong to try and keep trying to find a connection you see impossible? I choose the moral route, not the logical one. Even though common sense knows nothing will change, but I still want to try, in hope that someday, some of my words will affect them positively. I know how Marcus feels. Is it wrong of me to try and preach to people. Well if you put it that way... should I stop interfering with other people's affairs even if I mean good? No one is absolute truth, I need to understand that too.

'Because we are short of time, sharing is caring.' - Ms Ho Don't really see how that makes sense but it was funny the was she said it. I feel that HODs and SHs have this higher level of teaching, this added awareness, this heightened knowledge even outside their area of expertise. I really respect this kind of openness and professionalism.

Playing with color temperature

It's complicated part 2

There is always a line. Its this line that prevents me from conformity. Its this line that makes all the difference.

I never want to cross it, I'm not afraid, its me. People often say you can't blame them for being lazy, because its an innate thing. I'm not agreeing to the lazy part. I'm agreeing to the innate thing. Who knows if I'm right or wrong?

I want to be a good student. I want to listen to the teacher. I want to sit in front of the class. I want to learn, to explore, to teach. I want to tell jokes. I want to make people laugh. I want to make friends. I want to learn history. I want to share with the world what I know, to teach them to appreciate things they never do. I want people to listen when I talk about current affairs. I want them to show polite interest, to converse with me about the events of today. I want to play runescape. I want to listen to game music. I want to be patriotic.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't want me to be like that. They want me to listen to punk & metal. To pon classes and CCA. To go to parkway for no reason and be unproductive. They want me to procrastinate. They want me to be like them. They want me to talk about how teachers suck, how schools suck, how the system is screwed up. They want me to be defiant. They want me to tuck out my shirt. They want me to get a skull design bag. They want me to shout vulgarities. They want me not to care about my homework. They want me to play mousehunt for 12 hours straight. They want me to be pervetic. They want me to play left for dead.

I say neigh. If I have to compromise so much for the sake of admiration, for the sake of popularity. I say neigh.

I am blessed with friends that made me realize that. I am blessed with teachers who care, who point me in the right direction. I am blessed to be in Singapore and not fighting a meaningless civil war in Ethiopia. I am blessed to live in the garden city in a beautiful home. I am blessed with this blog and especially the readers who put in that extra effort to make me feel cared, noticed, like I mean something to them in their lives. That our friendship is important. Its the most wonderful thing in the world.

Thanks X for showing me this =) The first part is very disturbing. But pull through it.

It's complicated part 1?

No I'm not talking about my dating life (How could you even excuse me of that!!), its my personality.

I can really be a hippocrite you know? I say I love casual games like plants vs zombies but hate it when people play games on their phone or iphone. I play halo and fifa all the time with my friends but say I hate science fi and prefer historical games like Age of Mythology.

Its hard to keep my words and promises sometimes, but I do try. Which is what I advocate all the time!

Effort and optimism.

In this 'cruel' world we live in, you see many stories of teens abusing drugs, movies GLAMOURIZING them, you see terrorists killing innocents, you see China and the USA squabbling "oh you son of a mother duck your meeting the Dalai Lama!" and US pilots gunning down innocent journalists in Afghanistan as if they were playing  a video game. There's a ton of reasons to be cynical and pessimistic.

But they do try.

Even after all the fights they had over the year, China and the USA still try their best to strengthen ties for a common goal, peace, progress & prosperity. The greatest people on earth are those that work towards something greater than themselves. Those that put aside selfish goals and individualistic thoughts for the betterment of others. I really applaud China and the USA for their initiative, which is much like during the cold war when the USA and USSR displayed such good brinksmanship because they knew a nuclear war meant mutually assured destruction.

Even though the world can be so harsh, it doesn't give us an excuse to give up. It gives us a challenge to overcome. Even though I don't like to hang out with Paikias & Pampered People (yay I used Alliteration), I still try my best to be their friend, to stay nice, in hopes that I can slowly get to them and maybe just maybe they realize their seriously addicted to mousehunt and should seek professional help.

But I do draw the                somewhere. That's where the next part comes in.

Dwarved

Finally, a break.

It seems like my homework pile is finally declining! But that's probably because coursework hasn't really kicked in yet and chinese didn't have much homework...plus we got a lot of tests now... Ok I take it back.

So I'm posting about last friday and saturday cause I didn't yet and it was pretty special, will try and make it short.

Friday
After I was dismissed from school, did Bio homework with Jun Yew (I'm so blessed that Alif and Hendrik don't come to this blog if not there will start making crude references). Then, in an attempt to adopt the principle of 饮水思源, I went back to Ngee Ann for their carnival for an unplanned 3 HOURS. WOW. Mostly playing five stones haha. Worth it, its all about giving back to the school that groomed me, for better or for worse, into who I am now. I don't get why some of my other classmates don't see that. Can't blame them, I mean some people outgrow these things, but I think no matter what they see, inevitably it has affectedly their lives significantly too. You know my teacher once asked us if we believed that everyone is born with a good character or bad character. I say neither, its the way your raised. Donated $10 to their fund raising =) P.S I got very close to SM Goh =P

Saturday

I think the most significant thing that happened on Saturday was Earth Hour.

So one fine day in the media lab Tze Yang and Daniel were watching some light painting video on youtube. Its about using your camera and flashlight as a medium. The trick is to use a camera where you can control the shutter speed like a DSLR. You make the shutter speed very long (I used 16 seconds I think), then in a very dark place, you use a torchlight and 'paint' in mid-air. Of course, I think I'm super noob and utterly failed some of my paintings. (I can't even do normal painting!!) =X

Tried to write my name. Fail.: )Tried to write earth. FailTried to draw a house. Fail.Lightbulb one. Fail.1 + 1 = 2. Fail.Lightbulb 2. Fail.Lightbulb 3. Fail.

And so it begins...my long post

Coursework topic: Bridges. Final product in mind: Photobook
So in the last post I said I would try to post again 'tommorow' but actually its on the same day because I posted at 12am ++ today. Whatever, anyways I shall continue.

Friday: Few things happened that totally changed my view of some classmates.
English teacher scolded us. I sincerely think she made a lot of good points about our class. Therefore was really shocked when Amrit rebutted her. On one hand, his from the debate team so I mean, he DEBATES. On another, he is a student leader and I always thought they were very decent people. I mean its unfair of me to judge, but I assumed he was more of a Jia Lok than a Hendrik ya know? Ok I'm rambling on without telling you what happened.

Well we started the class well enough with her (the teacher) talking about the quote of the day (that she gave). If I remember well enough it was something like. "The best way to spend your life is to do something that outlasts life." Thought it was a very good quote. It really got me thinking. So she went on to talk about how we should become legends and leave behind legacies. So she said something like always remember this L word, when a classmate of mine made a pretty immature remark, saying it was losers or something. I thought it was Justin.

So that's number one, because I always thought the twins were a little on the fun side but otherwise had good character and moral. I really didn't expect Justin to be so immature, even after that he was laughing about it... I thought it was an awful thing to say, seeing as our generation is pretty much the opposite of that quote, thinking about living life to the fullest as in having all your own fun and doing nothing for humanity.

My teacher was evidently angered and frustrated and I could understand why. She's been trying her best to get my class moving towards the O levels but so far my class has been as complacent as the choir. After that she gave us a talk on how complacent our class was and how the top scorer list shows it. I personally felt ashamed. The fact that I only got 'T's for two subjects was starting to sink in. =(

Secondly, was Amrit. He actually dared rebutt on her points about how our class should have a lot of people on the top scorer's list but weren't. I used to be like that. I used to make excuses about every mistake I did. Was it pride? Was it self-deception? Whatever it is, I'm trying my best to change. Now, whenever a senior or teacher gives a pep talk, EVEN THOUGH I feel it's not my fault AT FIRST, I will always find fault in myself INSTEAD of finding excuses. Then, even if the truth is its not my fault, I will try and change from the experience. Sometimes, I realize I really am at fault, sometimes I'm really not the one, but whatever the case, any change for the better is always good. Think your chemistry is pro? Think again. Think your a good singer? Improve more. Think your exercising enough? Try harder.

Geez I think I'm turning a bit HUSAIN. Never happy with who you are, always try and improve kind of thing. Thirdly, was You Duen. I don't know when I got the idea that You Duen was SELFLESS. So in case you don't know yet, my timetable on thursday extends all the way into choir time. So the choir teacher-in-charge, Ms Lau (who just so happens to be an awesome maths teacher), made an arrangement to have maths on thursdays for the period that eats into choir, in other words, the class has maths while we have choir. Then the next day, we have lesson with Ms Lau on Friday. The issue is that by changing the periods, the class now has 5 periods of maths in a row.

Then in term 2, our timetable was err TWISTED up again. So our teacher... OK NVM I think I'm going too long. You Duen apparently thinks they (the rest of the class) shouldn't have to "SACRIFICE" themselves for "THE MINORITY", alleging that they can't concentrate on the lesson if they have consecutive 2hrs 55 mins of maths in a row. NUMBER 1, IT ISN'T IN A ROW. There is a lunch break in the middle for pete's sake. Number 2, do you realize how selfish that is!! Look I've had it with all this nonsense about "stop accusing me of being selfish!" or "this is what I think, you can't hold that against me". OMGOSH, do you know how steorotypical teenagers are these days!!! Are they THIS spoilt and pampered. SO NOW TEENAGERS ARE ACTUALLY ALLOWED TO ARGUE AGAINST MORAL VALUE? AGAINST HELPING YOUR FELLOW MAN? Only one thing to say. AMERICAN. I had to censor that because its racist so I apologize in advance if I offended anyone. <---- YOU SEE WHAT I JUST DID? I JUST DID EXACTLY WHAT TEENAGERS ARE DOING NOW. Getting away with things BY REASONING? Seriously, some things, cannot be explained unless you have the basic moral compass.

Which is what I'm driving at this whole time. Both Amrit and You Duen reason and give excuses. Which are logical on one hand. BUT TOTALLY WRONG on another! Maybe some of you are thinking: You Duen's right because its unfair for the whole class to 'suffer' for four choir members. Think about what your saying! "SUFFER?" So 5 periods of maths is considered 'SUFFERING' to our generation is it? Then think deeper, your willing to let 4 of us take the bullet and FAIL GEOGRAPHY (the subject we are switching the periods with) so you guys can continue NOT LISTENING in maths class anyway!? Just the thursday before, You Duen was doing chinese homework during class. How can I trust his views if he can't even put in effort to listen to maths class in the first place!? Maybe if he was at least trying his best to listen and concentrate, I'd understand his situation because he really can't concentrate. Unfortunately, its not the case. Unfortunately, generation Y (our generation) is really a STRAWBERRY GENERATION. You know that video poem you showed me the other day X? Its looking a bit too optimistic now.

Guess what? I'm not finished. After that was Hendrik. When I talked to him, I SAW a bit of my old self in him... I was requesting that he be a bit more serious regarding choir, and set good examples outside too. I also asked that he stopped joking about stuff like "let's pon choir" even though he doesn't mean it. There were three things I saw that I could relate...
The first was that in choir he claims he is serious and outside he can be happy go lucky and have fun. I really thought like that too, I thought if you do your own thing all the time, you can be happy go lucky all the time. Then I realized, there are somethings in life you need to be serious about, that inevitably, your going to affect other people in bad ways even though you don't mean to. That sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit of your own fun for the sake of a something larger than you. In this case, the choir. So I stopped being all fun and games, stopped being happy go lucky all the time. There are times when you can't take things lightly or take the 'soft' approach. Sometimes you have to get emo or angry to not just wake yourself up, but others around you.

World Peace? To me, it won't and shouldn't happen. Some wars change people's mindsets. With peace all the time, some things never change. The pacific war showed how discriminated Asians were to some extent. I'm not advocating war, no way, war sucks. I'm saying, nothing is perfect, nothing can go your way all the time.

Secondly, was pride. But I'll talk about that next time.

Thirdly, was joking. I thought once, that by making lame jokes, I was trying to make people laugh, not to annoy them. I thought then, that it wasn't my fault that people take it the wrong way, that "its their problem" as Hendrik so aptly commented. However, sometimes in life, even though you don't mean it, there will always be people who take jokes seriously, some people who can't understand your intentions. In that case, its your job to be mindful of what you say instead of excusing yourself "its not my problem if he takes it the wrong way".

I understand how Hendrik feels, it feels so unfair that he has to change for other people, that he has to do all the sacrificing. That he has to change his lifestyle for others. But that to me, is being individualistic. Life is unfair. When people are mean to me, I tolerate them. When people are not doing their part of the project work, I cover up for them. When people think my jokes are annoying, I control my itching tongue around them, I change a bit of who I am. When a friend whom I know never does works hard or studies asks a question, I answer them. When you sacrifice for others, you become the better person in hopes that others will follow suit. Selflessness.

I try my best not to complain or brag about this kind of thing, you just have to be true to yourself and your heart. I know I'm still arrogant. I want to be humble, maybe I'll get there one day. Of course, I'm not saying you don't always tell others how you feel if they are mean to you, if you don't it might sometimes eat you up inside, you have to try and convince them without getting agitated. I'm also not saying you keep helping lazy students as well. I'm saying you still help them, but convince them along their way to see the err of their ways and change for the better.

We are all human afterall. Btw I'm still not done with Friday. I'm so long-winded
At the bottom right is a hint of what happened the rest of Friday.

I'm busy

I'm busy.

OK now use your inferencing skills to decipher that. lolz.

Why was this message written? [5m]
L1/1m (Answer based on only on provenance): Li Keen is busy so he wrote this.
L2/2m (Answer based on only on content): It is to tell readers he is busy.

L3/3-4m (Answer based on content and provenance): The author is Li Keen, so he wrote this message because he is busy in real life, having 10 subjects, and thus has a lot of school work.

L4/5m (Answer based on purpose): The author Li Keen wrote this because he hasn't posted in a long time and its actually an apology to readers of his blog and also explaining that he is going to be busy for a while.

Haha, actually had a lot going on I wanted to share.

 Sunday: My house is bugged!!!!!!! Yah I know I've posted before, probably cause of the rain. I shouldn't be whining cause everyone probably has it like me. Its just I have sinus so it gets worse. Plus they always creep into my room at night.

Monday: Woke up with a bad headache and cold, think it was the flies last night. First day of school, holiday homework all managed in time.

Tuesday: Homework piling again, no time to post. Decided to sleep in elder brother's room. Don't know why, feels much better than my room

Wednesday: Woohoo Cross-Country!!! Cheered my heart out. Highlight of the day: A Cedar Girls' runner collasped near the finish line. Team from St. John's Ambulance stationed nearby at first 不知所措 then went to try and carry legs and arms...then DROPPED THEM WHAT THE. One of my school's junior leaders EPICLY jumped over the fence and carried her single handedly away from the other runners! WOAHH. So awesome, great guy. I assure you, NEXT PRESIDENT OF SINGAPORE.

Then another group of St. John's Ambulance, carrying a stretcher, ran out HEROIC STYLE and RAN PAST where my schoolmate had earlier carried to safety LOLS It was so fail. However, on a more serious note, the school should really look at the preparedness of the paramedics, we're dealing with people's lives here. Too bad I was so stunned I didn't capture the moment on my D90. If I'd taken a picture I would have captioned: "St John's sit on the fence. VS jumps over the fence." CAN YOU GIVE E A HIGH FIVE!. lolz. I really suck at sports photography. Also got to PAW-FIVE the YOG mascots Merly (WHO HAS LEGS) and Leo (WHO WALKS ON TWOS). Haha, so cute!! Who cares whether their realistic, Singapore is AWESOME. No I'm not being politcally correct so I don't get called up. I mean seriously man, I've been to other countries and the best they've shown me. I'm really grateful for Singapore. You know I wish I could tell all those idiots who act cool and talk about propaganda and all that, PATRIOTISM IS NOT BRAINWASH. BTW I compress pictures cause my D90 shots are way overpowered.

Just cause something is awesome doesn't mean theres some scandal belieing it. I can talk about bad aspects about Singapore too, I'm not saying their perfect, neither am I gullible enough to believe everything the government tells us. I really dislike people for acting all superior as if they know something I don't just cause I'm patriotic. Haiyo. That brings me to what put me off that day. A bunch of clowns sitting at a table behind the stadium playing Iphone. I really cannot tell you how much hatred I feel. No no not as much as Sasuke. I used to think that those American shows depicting school life were exeggerated. Frankly, their not far from the truth. Btw we won both C division and B division titles!

Thursday: I'm getting so much better sleeping in my bro's room! In fact I went for 2.4 but only ran about 2/3 of the course. No I'm not a wuss, I just haven't recovered. I am so unfit now! T.T All of a sudden Jia Lok can do pull-ups!? I feel so emo. On a more serious matter, the choir is getting more and more complacent...I really don't know how to whip them back into shape like last year's SYF if they are going to continue like this.

Well I'm going to stop here, will try post about what happened on Friday and Saturday tommorow cause I'm tired and cause there were a lot of things then also. The elusive red dragonfly. The best I could do with a D90, couldn't get behind it. I know my photography so louzy =(