Keep me Company

A rustle of mellow from my speakers.
Just another silent night, just above rusty red rooftops.
Turn, a grey moonlight seeps into my solitude.

Waxing and waning in nighttime daydreams,
Feeling the scratch of ink on bark, a beep, a buzz?
Not my pen, but my heart.

Stop. Scan Screen. Smile Sheepishly
"Hey!"
"Hello :)"
Its a beautiful night with someone to share it with.

Re-collective blogging

Some time ago I decided I didn't want to blog by recounting the events of the past few days in detail.

Why?

You know that feeling you get when you read about past friend's blogs or their facebook and you feel you don't know them anymore? 

And some people just read your blog to read about themselves haha. So they might just skip to the part about them or something heh.

Lastly, its really exhausting and if you faithfully blog about every single day despite the mundanity, you might just lose the kind of intimacy your blog can express about someone.

But I guess everyone leads their own lives and its just impossible to be that sort of 'best friend' you see on American school series. In a way, if a friend really is a good friend, he/she will take the time to read about your lives anyway, and not feel disconnect. As Jia Lok said, there are two kinds of good friends. One who will talk to you basically everyday about random stuff and hang with you in class, etc. The other, who might be the evolution of the first, the one who can't see you everyday anymore, but when you meet up and talk, you just talk. Forever :) Woo Rifdi I'm always listening!! :D

And I guess its OK if you don't the whole thing anyway (who has the time?). So maybe I'll try it out! (Haha actually its cause I just read someone's blog and I was touched she mentioned me :x)

And of course, if its not on your blog, its almost as if you didn't really care much about it, ya know? I guess its a little selfish to keep all these thoughts to yourself. Arrr I'm not really thinking straight right now, my speech is getting ineligible. Watching NDP parade right now. :>

From my Junior! "The irony of us singing how much we love Singapore when the rest of the 364 days we're complaining about our country."

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Saturday

I only knew about the scholarship day when it disrupted photog activities. As you can see, I care a lot about my future. Ma'am Poh asked me to accompany her again and was determined not to be super pang seh this time. Instead, someone else did the pang seh-ing (if you happen to be reading, I read your blog, its OK the almighty chairman forgives you haha joking joking :x) I met my classmate soon after anyway.   Not sure I'm looking at MFA now that I know the competition...

Requiem! Excite excite! Only 5 people! Dislike dislike!

As a young boy it was difficult to sympathize. Watching war flicks and dramas garnered little emotion from me. I tried though. I listened to the stories, and imagined myself in those scenarios. This technique I had to master even more during MPS. So now perhaps I've grown a little more connected. War is truly atrocious. I didn't really understand the importance of photography perhaps only up till now, especially when Shirlene the guide shared about how war veterans visiting the roaming exhibition across the world would share stories and sometimes even spot themselves in the pictures. Really think more people, especially from a generation of peace, needs to see this.

Lunch with Yi Feng and Clare. Great to meet more history fans!! :D I guess I'm not the most well-read but I still love the subject heh. I recall my first encounter with history proper was playing Age of Mythology, used to imagine having a simple life staying on an Olive Farm in Ancient Greece. 

Anyway, to a friend. We've only known each other for so long. I didn't really know what to say heh. Quite honestly coming from a boy's school, I'm a little shyer talking htht with a girl than I might reveal. (but I've been told I'm pretty good at it anyway heh) But I really hope you can get back up and not be afraid of your past or your emotions. I think I understand how you feel, and believe me when I say its worse for a guy to cry and I have. So sorry if I didn't give you advise you were looking for but no matter what I'll always have ears to listen and eyes which prefer a smile anytime OK? :) Haha, but anyway from reading your blog can tell you already have such good friends, always treasure them :)

Had lunch with my family eating Spanish in Vivo. My food photography really sucks :( Going for dinners and eating nice food is probably the only way my family bonds. A little concerned for my younger brother because I know he'll feel lonely when my parents and me and my elder bro start talking about 'adult' stuff. I'm already a little tired writing but must 持之以恒. My mom used to try and get me to drink a little but I always refused, so she stopped. My elder brother drinks... a lot.

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Sunday

Church in the morning and it happened to be the 25th anniversary of FCBC. Haven't really grown much in the church, more by myself. I guess besides the sermons, I'm not that attached to the church yet. Really liked the junior pastor talking about how we've built four walls around the church when a church is the people, and we should be, as always, more like Jesus, getting up, getting out. So far have been a little subdued in my faith, yet if I want to grow closer, I must somehow, separate myself from humanity because unfortunately, humans fall so short. Reminds me of that episode in Avatar, the last Airbender when Aang had to choose to give up his connection to earth in order to use the Avatar mode freely. Sigh... and in a way I feel in the same position as Aang... whatever is chaining me here I mean.

After that I had to work on PW with Joshua and gang. Bought them KOI because they all deserve something for their past work and to motivate them a little I guess. Was productive at first because I found something for everyone to do but got difficult of course ending with 3 people playing and 2 people doing slow work. I think its OK because its rather difficult to work all day on a Sunday afternoon.

Dinner with the residents of Pasir-Ris Punggol that culminated in the most spectacular fireworks I have ever seen in my life. However due to my abysmal photog skills I didn't get any good fireworks shots.  Shaun/Shawn from HCI slapped me in the face with the comment 'Science students are so boring'. Didn't know how to respond but kind of made me dazed the whole dinner.

The night didn't end after talking with Joy on the train. Reached home just in time to receive more PW work and Joshua giving me another slap in the face with his 'Sam and I think the whole chapter 3 is wrongly done'. (I finished that chapter)... explains my earlier post. But besides that I think some people take professionalism so seriously it actually degrades the quality of work. Kind of difficult to talk about non-PW related stuff to Joshua in that way, but I guess I understand why they try to be serious. Just that I feel some may forget we are friends sometimes, not just project-mates. Really glad I had someone to talk to throughout the night that didn't seemed pissed at me. Heh.

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Monday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play I had to wake up early despite the 3am madness the day before. So it was by some weird homeostasis that my body reacted to sleepiness with an overdose of highness heh. Unfortunately my class didn't react the same way sigh. Its alright though... let's just be patient. 

After Blum'z house (which I don't have much to say quite frankly), talked to Jeremy, Jia Lok, Zhe Yuan and Yong Xien about different things... don't think I have time to blog about and went to RGS for the first time with Rifdi, Yong Jia and Justin to watch our mutual friend Ash (and my new mutual friend Min Yan!) do the opening act! The overall the concert was stellar anyway :) Too bad didn't get a chance to properly explore RGS heh. Dam Rifdi is so easy to talk to and the VS guys (and RG girls) really appreciate the highness and spontaneity! Love the candidness of the RG girls and how they're so supportive of each other heh.

That was. A mouthful/handful. I don't think I'll ever have time to blog like that in a while.

A house divided cannot stand on its own

Abraham Lincoln quoted this from the bible.

In a generation of anti-PAP and indifferent Singaporeans, how long will it take before a crisis strikes and Singapore breaks? What will it take for heroes like Lim Bo Seng, Lee Kuan Yew and Toh Chin Chye to appear? Just a day ago I observed on as my schoolmates laughed when the world war II documentary talked about how disembodied heads were hanged around Singapore by the Japanese to inspire fear and obedience during World War II.

It is true that we can't be stuck in the past and that we should be hopeful and opinionated individuals rather than paranoid and unquestioning youngsters. Yet after all the slander on our Social Studies Textbooks as 'brainwash' and expressed irritancy at all the warnings of our vulnerability, I would say we have become a little too complacent and spoilt, and ungrateful.

Not enough people appreciate the value of History.

I must clarify that not everyone is so, just that there are not enough. I hope no one becomes a fanatic and get angry and every joke thrown against Singapore's quirks, just that I'd like to see more people express some love for their country.

And of course we go back to the same question: Why should we love Singapore?
I guess its true that we didn't choose to be born here, its true we didn't get an ideal life, it is true that we may not be the best country. Yet it is a question of gratefulness and values, are you the kind of person who will be thankful for help, for nurture, even when you didn't ask for it? I didn't choose to go to Ngee Ann Primary, heck, I wasn't very happy at first going into VS.

I implore students to appreciate, accept, and adore your life, because you were born here, not because you chose to be born here. You cannot choose your entire life, you can choose to cherish it nonetheless.

Project Work

I thought I was one of the most enthusiastic and prepared for this.

But all I've managed to do as group leader was screw up and screw up and have Joshua and Sam doing things behind my back, and doing everything right. And Joshua half telling everyone what to do.

Joshua and Megan are kind of alike.

Granted, I think both of them need to trust in people more, and maybe empathize a little, realize others are not the same as them

Back to work.

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So romantic :/

Choir

Sitting next to Lien Chew/talking to him, was a bad idea. Couldn't concentrate for the whole day after that. Shucks. Can't post about that now...
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Looking at my FB picture makes me sick. The smiling, crazy face. Does not. Resonate. The coffee must have ran out.
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I realized I didn't really talk much about it except on my FB note.
But it has insidiously stuck to my lonely singing on the streets, in class, in my room.
I realize now that all the extra air-drumming, conducting, singing and humming are all just the backdrop of a lost time ago.

No amount of photography can replace the choir in my heart. So as Jun Yew once said, "Keep Singing".

I think one of the biggest reasons why I would have joined VJ choir is just to sing 'No man is an Island'.

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Today was a perfect day to do something. I didn't.
Rifdi - what has you done? Another song in my head because of you.

All these coldplay songs are like background music to graduation and handover videos.

You can hope and change

After that post on my class 'spirit', I spoke at lengths with classmates and what not, and they agree with me about the situation. It sucks. But the difference is that they've given up about it and hence have no qualms joking about it, while I continue to hope. Will always hope. It is only with courageous optimism that anything can happen. Evil exists because good men do nothing.

Today in class I fell off my chair by accident. If I were in 4D people would probably immediately go, "OMG LIKEEN ARE YOU OK?" In 6E some turned their heads momentarily and without a trace of concern turned back. One girl laughed at me. Meh. Perhaps they thought I was Ok and there wasn't any point asking. Meh. I'll still hope.

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SINGAPORE!

MPS Escape

I love MPS.

I love... Just helping people.

I love... Being useful.

I love... Singapore.

I love... having a clear priority; the residents come first. Not homework. Not RPS.

I love... the volunteers.

I love... the quiet evening of therapeutic typing

I love... knowing there are less scummy people on earth

Will post a picture of bald me soon.