Tuesday, 14 April 2015

The Expensive Son

Now that I sort of lost my scholarship chance (Barring drastic changes to my school/major), I'm officially the most expensive son.

I feel extremely helpless. I don't like to rely on my parent's that much, and the fact is my brother signed on partially for a scholarship.

Where do I go from here, what do I do from here, why and how did I get here. I had a lot of questions and anxiety this afternoon after lunch break, which was evident in my mood because my colleague noticed. Not that good at hiding, don't have much practice. Eh. I asked a lot of questions, and maybe it would have helped if I had time to reflect right after I read that email.

I have to decide, if I'm willing to sacrifice. Or accept the kindness of strangers. Marcus, the ever cynical, was more helpful than Glenn, honestly, in this case. He reminded me there's always someone who's better than you. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself, maybe I've lived with self-placed burdens I've forgotten how to live. Instead of being unhappy at being privileged, isn't it more tactful to be happy I can afford a college education overseas? It's embarrassing, but I find consolation in this: that because I'm going on my parent's savings, I'll work my ass off to make sure I don't squander it.

This is the least I can do. I am not a Jia Lok. Or a Glenn. I'm a tad lousier than that. I have needs, I have selfish needs.