Friday, 26 May 2017

3 Weeks Older

The past few days have been pretty eventful, and I feel like those eventfulness-ness is about to burn out as soon as school ends. Somehow, the same old end-of-quarter kind of melancholy hits me.

I actually am so annoyed at how much I want her company right now. Like chill~

^Wrote all of that before we spontaneously decided to meet up :)
Glad we can be honest, really tired now. I hope it lasts.
3 weeks older is an obvious reference to a really pertinent song 3 years older by Steven Wilson (the lead to porcupine trees); I'm pretty tipsy at this point and all I can think about is how much nicer it would be to just cuddle with Chris right now.

Monday, 15 May 2017

Ayyyyy oh oh oh oh

Google actually, legitimately, reminded me it's my birthday soon.
I was wondering why the cute mother's day animation which I wanted to watch changed.

I was feeling neither here nor there again. And I think when it comes down to it, most of the melancholy I feel goes that way. (Also the way I speak on my blog is so bourgeoise). I feel this way becomes, I guess economically speaking, there are scarce resources (or opportunities, goals, time) and unlimited wants, or at least, more than the supply.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm going to write when I leave, and I know I will, but maybe separate the opinionated generalizations from the thank yous. And I wonder what I'll forget, because I always do. This is one of them - what is a birthday? How do people spend it? I know that to some degree there's more 'me' here, and I can't really tell if that's good or bad. Reading Katz's book, I remember that one stinging line about so much money being spent on ribbons and medals... it's a little ludicrous to be honest, and yet somehow understandable. I've decided if I'm not going to do some charity work, I'll spend it being productive and helping myself without bothering others. And drink lots of coffee of course.

Karen is leaving, maybe I'll see her in DC.

Friday, 5 May 2017


So 4 parties bailed on me today in one way or another. (5 if you count lunch too.) Which meant a lot of civ topped off with gin and tonic and finishing The Revenant. I'm not sure how I feel now, though I remember anger, annoyance, some sadness and loneliness seeing the house so empty. Nobody tends to invite me out, maybe because it's assumed I don't like to (same as when Sahej assumed my habits). And it is kind of selfish to think that people would, I suppose. A little on one side of the autism spectrum.