Li Keen is confused.
Li Keen used charm!
It is not very effective!
Li Keen is confused.
He hurt himself in his confusion.
Fuck this. How is it some people naturally have popular and cool characteristics. While others, like me, just like doing uncool stuff or just ain't naturally talented at cool things!
Its not uncool to me that I played Runescape more than during Primary School.
It is not lame that I play Pokemon right now.
It is not loner that I like RJ side canteen more than RI one, and I would go there over following the crowd of classmates who won't even talk to me. (Plus the RI canteen gave me a week long stomach infection!)
It is not stupid that I've chosen not to torrent anymore.
It is not bizarre that I prefer to study in school, and that I actually like class.
It is not crazy to want to be punctual for lectures and tutorials, and walk that much faster.
It is not anti-social to dislike talking rubbish during class and not listening.
It is not nice to purposely make the teacher wait for you, or repeat just for you.
It is mean that you would judge me because I attract a lot of uncool friends to sit with me. I want to talk to everyone, and yet, they are the ones that give me a chance and give me decent due respect. So you may think the guy is nerdy, or that guy is unsociable. But they are deeper and more complex than you could ever understand.
What gets me most down? My fitness. Because I am the epitome of unfit. You can count on me to be last in 2.4, in passing NAPFA (if I even). And from there on, people start to stay away from me, as if they'll start to contract my unfit disease. You know how awful it feels? You know I'm doing my best to get better? Nope. You can't see past looks can you? Fucking pity.
People, you know I'd do my best to be your friend, but you don't treat me with any respect. Are you forcing me to short-change myself to become just like you? Fuck no. I'm fucking not going to conform. I am fucking not giving up my ideals, my mantras. You think I'm stubborn? You think I'm just a sad loner?
So if you won't vote for me, then I guess, I'm just not right for it. But you can be damned right I will continue cheering for Raffles no matter what. It is the decent students in this school that prompted me not to just give up on this school completely, and its history, its legacy. It is Singapore that I truly fight for.
Honestly don't believe I can get into council now. Teammates didn't step up their game, so neither did I. On a whole, not very impressive. Only those who really know me, understand me, they know what I'm really capable of. I'm not being arrogant, but I think I'm pretty worthy for this. But unfortunately, the world is a majority of short-sighted, superficial, arrogant, whatever You Duen might say. Before I got to know him even better, people were telling me stuff about You Duen. But even though he judges a lot, or whatever people were telling me, he judges fairly. I could tell it, because deep down I believed it too. That the world, is really really dark and dank. It stinks. He knew it, he wasn't afraid to give him honest opinion on the people whom quite frankly, I would detest too. The difference is, I hate assumptions, so everyone gets a chance to prove me wrong. Usually they don't see it, but I unconsciously analyze people's actions and character.
Another thing, we're all different. No one is generally wrong. Its just what he believes is different.
And to my dearest friends, I know how you must feel about me right now. Why are you putting yourself down, counting yourself out so quickly. Got to believe in yourself right? Maybe. But the odds. Don't stack in my favour. Looks to me like, its going to be exactly what happened in VS. I didn't become a leader, but I still went for all the school events. I still cheered. Nobody noticed. I didn't care. Only problem is I can't play a deeper role in organising and leading anymore.
And if I do get in... You bet I'll be treating all those whom I know voted me in haha.
How am I supposed to be who I am? When doing so gives you major disadvantages?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
This sort of music. Makes a game like The Witcher, whole.
Oh and BTW. This is my number one game. The Witcher
Another good one I don't often mention, but like very much. (I mean both the song and the game)
Thursday 31 March 2011
Wednesday 30 March 2011
Closure
This tumultuous period has been nothing but downs, a a few ups. So its more like rolling down a rocky hillside than facing stormy seas.
Campaigning, in a sense, has ended, as I expect a negligible amount of people to vote only tomorrow.
So many misfortunes of circumstance. So many wasted chances. So many failed gimmicks. So little team support. So much I can say.
I can complain. I can rant. I can lament in self sorrow. I can accept it.
What's left of me if all my good friends join council (deservingly of course), or if less deserving candidates enter, and I don't?
What's left of me, after hard work and painful endurance of my mental and physical state? What happens, if I lose out, and not because of me? Jin Xiang. I hope you know, I understand what it feels like, to be denied something for the wrong reasons, reasons you did not affect in.
Am I pure cynical, pessimistic and hate? Or just trying to find, the pragmatic, politically incorrect truth? Choir was partially my fault. This is not. Or is it? Aren't I just being lazy victim?
And if I get in, will the ones who deserve it get in? Or the ones who are popular jokers who don't do anything else? Will I be working with clowns or real professionals, real Rafflesians who get the job done with pride, passion, soul and speed?
Will I still be able to channel my real spirit in Raffles in council? Or will it succumb to dislike of the scum that possible still reside in such a great institution?
Democracy, is deeply flawed.
At least today, though a tiny class event comparably, we won the debate. Its not just winning that counts, I'm heartened that I have classmates who care about work, even optional ones, because its about passion and enthusiasm.
--------------------------------------------------------------
About growing up and being happy no matter the confusion of adulthood and responsibility. Please do not think it is silly just because it is Spongebob, counter-intuitively, some of the most matured themes and morales are explored in children's shows. Plus the guitar is nice.
Campaigning, in a sense, has ended, as I expect a negligible amount of people to vote only tomorrow.
So many misfortunes of circumstance. So many wasted chances. So many failed gimmicks. So little team support. So much I can say.
I can complain. I can rant. I can lament in self sorrow. I can accept it.
What's left of me if all my good friends join council (deservingly of course), or if less deserving candidates enter, and I don't?
What's left of me, after hard work and painful endurance of my mental and physical state? What happens, if I lose out, and not because of me? Jin Xiang. I hope you know, I understand what it feels like, to be denied something for the wrong reasons, reasons you did not affect in.
Am I pure cynical, pessimistic and hate? Or just trying to find, the pragmatic, politically incorrect truth? Choir was partially my fault. This is not. Or is it? Aren't I just being lazy victim?
And if I get in, will the ones who deserve it get in? Or the ones who are popular jokers who don't do anything else? Will I be working with clowns or real professionals, real Rafflesians who get the job done with pride, passion, soul and speed?
Will I still be able to channel my real spirit in Raffles in council? Or will it succumb to dislike of the scum that possible still reside in such a great institution?
Democracy, is deeply flawed.
At least today, though a tiny class event comparably, we won the debate. Its not just winning that counts, I'm heartened that I have classmates who care about work, even optional ones, because its about passion and enthusiasm.
--------------------------------------------------------------
About growing up and being happy no matter the confusion of adulthood and responsibility. Please do not think it is silly just because it is Spongebob, counter-intuitively, some of the most matured themes and morales are explored in children's shows. Plus the guitar is nice.
Sunday 27 March 2011
I cannot take it. Nothing can help me
At this stage, I think people in my position would consider suicide. I have. But I'll never. Because its stupid. Ending your life before you use it. 'The purpose of life is a life of purpose.' I don't care about my suffering if I'm able to make a contribution to society.
I just want to scream right now.
My circumstance. Cannot be coincidence. But I have no right to believe it is supernatural either. The logic, is just, fundamentally not there. I'm a mostly pro-scientific method, agnostic guy. It pains me even. I'm confused, yet I'm not.
I cannot take it. Yet, I will. Because that has always been me. Basically, living, perhaps optimistic that things will turn around. Perhaps naively optimistic.
I have always dealt with bad luck. I use the word luck, because I believed it in before, back when somehow, circumstances were always against me, in a card game or competition. And maybe I'm starting to believe it again. But that would be wrong. Fuck this. And its times like this, that people tend towards looking at supernatural answers. But I shan't go in to that. Firstly cause I'm bot looking for any religious debate. I definitely can't take it now. And secondly, because it is reasonable to believe that this attitude of victimizing myself is just giving arrogant me excuses, which I detest. There is never any point in complaining, nor being unproductive and unsure of anything.
Why all this depressing talk...?
I "chose" to get some stomach infection right when council campaigning starts. I thought if I could just power through, it'll be alright, I'll suffer, no one else would, nor would my outcome to council, just maybe physical pain. But I've instead become a burden. To my campaign mates, I have brought terrible cost in terms of time and concentration, up till the point today where I really couldn't handle it without posting. The critical factor that made me do so was because I realized, I had every power to meet a certain deadline yesterday, or at least a little late, or even at least tell my teammates there was such a deadline (because the powerpoint was so quick I cannot blame them for missing a few important points, I also missed many). But because I was so blur, deadened, weakened not just by sleep, but by my illness, which entails poor nutrition and hence concentration...
I sound like, I'm just blaming the stomach infection. But fuck it when can I do? And it doesn't matter does it? It happened, I didn't handle it well, I punished my teammate's council chances. And there is always the nagging feeling. I could have avoided this infection for so many reasons. Like maybe I should have taken care by Wednesday after that PE lesson where I was abnormally weak already, or Thursday when I got a fever, or forcing myself to eat properly on Friday and Saturday...
And guess what, it isn't just council. I have systematically left out all my homework. Being super goody-two-shoes. It is one of the most devastating things I can experience. I've shown how weak I am. I've shown how lousy I am. I have shown myself, how lousy I am.
Nothing can help me. Because it happened. I will continue living. I cannot change the past. I can only let it affect my future.
I just want to scream right now.
My circumstance. Cannot be coincidence. But I have no right to believe it is supernatural either. The logic, is just, fundamentally not there. I'm a mostly pro-scientific method, agnostic guy. It pains me even. I'm confused, yet I'm not.
I cannot take it. Yet, I will. Because that has always been me. Basically, living, perhaps optimistic that things will turn around. Perhaps naively optimistic.
I have always dealt with bad luck. I use the word luck, because I believed it in before, back when somehow, circumstances were always against me, in a card game or competition. And maybe I'm starting to believe it again. But that would be wrong. Fuck this. And its times like this, that people tend towards looking at supernatural answers. But I shan't go in to that. Firstly cause I'm bot looking for any religious debate. I definitely can't take it now. And secondly, because it is reasonable to believe that this attitude of victimizing myself is just giving arrogant me excuses, which I detest. There is never any point in complaining, nor being unproductive and unsure of anything.
Why all this depressing talk...?
I "chose" to get some stomach infection right when council campaigning starts. I thought if I could just power through, it'll be alright, I'll suffer, no one else would, nor would my outcome to council, just maybe physical pain. But I've instead become a burden. To my campaign mates, I have brought terrible cost in terms of time and concentration, up till the point today where I really couldn't handle it without posting. The critical factor that made me do so was because I realized, I had every power to meet a certain deadline yesterday, or at least a little late, or even at least tell my teammates there was such a deadline (because the powerpoint was so quick I cannot blame them for missing a few important points, I also missed many). But because I was so blur, deadened, weakened not just by sleep, but by my illness, which entails poor nutrition and hence concentration...
I sound like, I'm just blaming the stomach infection. But fuck it when can I do? And it doesn't matter does it? It happened, I didn't handle it well, I punished my teammate's council chances. And there is always the nagging feeling. I could have avoided this infection for so many reasons. Like maybe I should have taken care by Wednesday after that PE lesson where I was abnormally weak already, or Thursday when I got a fever, or forcing myself to eat properly on Friday and Saturday...
And guess what, it isn't just council. I have systematically left out all my homework. Being super goody-two-shoes. It is one of the most devastating things I can experience. I've shown how weak I am. I've shown how lousy I am. I have shown myself, how lousy I am.
Nothing can help me. Because it happened. I will continue living. I cannot change the past. I can only let it affect my future.
Thursday 24 March 2011
Limit
Do you realize it's oft a string of events that lead to a person's downfall? Similarly, it's always a string of events that lead to me getting sick.
I look set to reach my limit. Should remain ill tomorrow, not only am I missing an entire Friday, the longest day of the week (with the most number of lessons), I'm also missing a council nominee's meeting, vital to my entry, and if the fever persists till Saturday. I'll miss a CIP project with Benedict, my cousin's birthday party, the choir fund-raising concert for Japan, and in a way, Earth Hour.
If I fell ill anytime earlier, I would have only missed 3 lectures (Wednesday). The rest of the day, I didn't have a single piece of homework. Today? Tons.
I'm really suffering here.
The worst part that when you look back at all the things you could have done to stop yourself falling ill, you hate yourself even more.
It's already so late. I hope the others understand.
I look set to reach my limit. Should remain ill tomorrow, not only am I missing an entire Friday, the longest day of the week (with the most number of lessons), I'm also missing a council nominee's meeting, vital to my entry, and if the fever persists till Saturday. I'll miss a CIP project with Benedict, my cousin's birthday party, the choir fund-raising concert for Japan, and in a way, Earth Hour.
If I fell ill anytime earlier, I would have only missed 3 lectures (Wednesday). The rest of the day, I didn't have a single piece of homework. Today? Tons.
I'm really suffering here.
The worst part that when you look back at all the things you could have done to stop yourself falling ill, you hate yourself even more.
It's already so late. I hope the others understand.
Sunday 20 March 2011
Just had to double post. Omnibus again! (I learnt that word from I am Ninja LOL)
I'm posting status like updates which I'm either too paiseh or too long to put on facebook, or prefer to have on a pleasant quiet space, my blog. :D
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you read the paper's err a day ago or something, you can see the ending paragraph of some article on the GE. Something like Senior Minister Teo Ser Luk will be taking out his old VICTORIA SCHOOL UNIFORM as the PAP meeting requires all white. LOL! No wonder VS/SJI/RI produce the leaders hehe.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know if you know Jia Hao, but it was super awesome eating with you. Never thought I'd fine another guy who was willing to eat at a semi-expensive restaurant though it was just two of us, and it wasn't even dinner time. And yeah, don't know why, but I find talking to you pretty easy. Finding a topic and all that.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Woah what the crap? Holidays ended. Dam. I was starting to get into the groove too. I guess its cause I have no CCA right now. Bah. I think its pretty pathetic, but my friends tell me to stop being such an emo basket of depression, so OK. I guess I'll just have fun while you guys have training.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I get really really really pissed at myself when I forgot to do a kind or courteous act, given the opportunity. Seriously! I hate it! Maybe that's why I went a little insane and donated another two dollars to Japan after I rudely tried to scram off the bus, blocking passengers who were boarding >:O (after another 5 dollars a few days ago and a future donation next week watching a combined choir concert for Japan, AND donating 5 dollars to Christchurch) I know I shouldn't be counting, but my Mother doesn't really like me donating that much. I can't help but feel ashamed both ways. I need my own salary!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Woah I didn't know Randy Newman (You've got a friend in me, Short People,etc.) also did the theme song for the awesome show Monk! I somehow got attached to this show because I was similarly a bit OCD, and I liked it that instead of fielding the usual super fit and super smart cop/detective for the show, the main protagonist, Adrian Monk (Duh), is a fallible, vulnerable EX-detective, but with a sharp mind, that at least partially stems from his weakness of OCD. Clever, entertaining, and very deep.
Also, good acting. And of course, the really really catchy, jazzy song that I love. Because it really captures the essence of the show, and its out of the norm. I like jazz and swing, whatever you call this quite a bit ^_^
---------------------------------------------------------------
Since we're on the topic of mock crime shows @_@ Another one that I really enjoyed was Midsomer Murders (used to turn to Hallmark all the time for that!). One, because I love me some British accent and countryside scenes :D and two, because the detective is not a stereotype, young, handsome, bufflord who solves crimes in a big city, but a white-haired, looking like he's retiring soon individual with a wife and a small cottage, helping to put the victim's family to peace in a village on the countryside (Once again, love the scenery)
And yeah, just like Monk, I also love the theme! Very original and recognizable.
Wow I really seem to watch a lot of these kind of shows (mostly cause my father regularly watches them too). For instance, Law and Order, Without a Trace, Criminal Minds, CSI (Though I'm not a fan of the really fake gadgets they use, the acting is decent and the story well played, also. Horatio is cool shit lol.) Though, really, I think Monk and Midsomer Murders would be my top two.
Dislike: Burn Notice. I think they're playing a bit to the trend now and fielding hollywood style actors and actresses. The spy know-how, trivia and decent acting is a save though.
Dislike: 24. Wts. Seriously. Wts is this show. Stoic bufflord, don't play by the rules hero going around chasing terrorists and whatnot SOLO STYLE. Fucking retarded. Cult of personality. Serious.
Dislike: NCIS. SOOO bloody commercialized. Like serious, keeps talking about how their number one all that shit, and look at the cast. I mean, come on you can't be serious. Look at how freaking stereotype they are? Though, I honestly haven't seen the show, maybe I should...
What else have I forgotten? Meh. Must be I don't like.
--------------------------------------------------------
Had half a mind to post my whole 月记 online, but this post was longer than I expected already!
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you read the paper's err a day ago or something, you can see the ending paragraph of some article on the GE. Something like Senior Minister Teo Ser Luk will be taking out his old VICTORIA SCHOOL UNIFORM as the PAP meeting requires all white. LOL! No wonder VS/SJI/RI produce the leaders hehe.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know if you know Jia Hao, but it was super awesome eating with you. Never thought I'd fine another guy who was willing to eat at a semi-expensive restaurant though it was just two of us, and it wasn't even dinner time. And yeah, don't know why, but I find talking to you pretty easy. Finding a topic and all that.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Woah what the crap? Holidays ended. Dam. I was starting to get into the groove too. I guess its cause I have no CCA right now. Bah. I think its pretty pathetic, but my friends tell me to stop being such an emo basket of depression, so OK. I guess I'll just have fun while you guys have training.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I get really really really pissed at myself when I forgot to do a kind or courteous act, given the opportunity. Seriously! I hate it! Maybe that's why I went a little insane and donated another two dollars to Japan after I rudely tried to scram off the bus, blocking passengers who were boarding >:O (after another 5 dollars a few days ago and a future donation next week watching a combined choir concert for Japan, AND donating 5 dollars to Christchurch) I know I shouldn't be counting, but my Mother doesn't really like me donating that much. I can't help but feel ashamed both ways. I need my own salary!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Woah I didn't know Randy Newman (You've got a friend in me, Short People,etc.) also did the theme song for the awesome show Monk! I somehow got attached to this show because I was similarly a bit OCD, and I liked it that instead of fielding the usual super fit and super smart cop/detective for the show, the main protagonist, Adrian Monk (Duh), is a fallible, vulnerable EX-detective, but with a sharp mind, that at least partially stems from his weakness of OCD. Clever, entertaining, and very deep.
Also, good acting. And of course, the really really catchy, jazzy song that I love. Because it really captures the essence of the show, and its out of the norm. I like jazz and swing, whatever you call this quite a bit ^_^
---------------------------------------------------------------
Since we're on the topic of mock crime shows @_@ Another one that I really enjoyed was Midsomer Murders (used to turn to Hallmark all the time for that!). One, because I love me some British accent and countryside scenes :D and two, because the detective is not a stereotype, young, handsome, bufflord who solves crimes in a big city, but a white-haired, looking like he's retiring soon individual with a wife and a small cottage, helping to put the victim's family to peace in a village on the countryside (Once again, love the scenery)
And yeah, just like Monk, I also love the theme! Very original and recognizable.
Wow I really seem to watch a lot of these kind of shows (mostly cause my father regularly watches them too). For instance, Law and Order, Without a Trace, Criminal Minds, CSI (Though I'm not a fan of the really fake gadgets they use, the acting is decent and the story well played, also. Horatio is cool shit lol.) Though, really, I think Monk and Midsomer Murders would be my top two.
Dislike: Burn Notice. I think they're playing a bit to the trend now and fielding hollywood style actors and actresses. The spy know-how, trivia and decent acting is a save though.
Dislike: 24. Wts. Seriously. Wts is this show. Stoic bufflord, don't play by the rules hero going around chasing terrorists and whatnot SOLO STYLE. Fucking retarded. Cult of personality. Serious.
Dislike: NCIS. SOOO bloody commercialized. Like serious, keeps talking about how their number one all that shit, and look at the cast. I mean, come on you can't be serious. Look at how freaking stereotype they are? Though, I honestly haven't seen the show, maybe I should...
What else have I forgotten? Meh. Must be I don't like.
--------------------------------------------------------
Had half a mind to post my whole 月记 online, but this post was longer than I expected already!
Pokemon on the train
So now I'm going for a do what you like social strategy. I already prepared a response for the holiday if asked things like: "Dude, why the hell are you playing pokemon? Its lame."
My response would probably be
"Its the holidays, I do whatever the fuck I want.
I'm not usually vulgar, but I added it especially for these kind of people. I mean, somehow you just communicate better instead of looking pretentious when you talk slang like that.
Since the holidays are kind of over, my response would probably be.
"Its fun."
Or
"Yup. I think its fun, so you can just fuck off."
Ooh wow. Ouch. Why am I being so douche-y and cranky? Cause I'm kind of annoyed that some people would label me in any way, and judge me in any way, just cause I play something that a lot of younger kids play.
Of course, I don't really think people are like that. Often they're just poking fun at me. But yeah, maybe I just can't take that kind of thing very well.
So why do I play pokemon on the train? Because I have nothing else to do. Save listening to music, and I do that too. Why stare into the blank when you can do something fun? I've tried studying before. Firstly it isn't very conducive, secondly I get motion sickness when I read something intensely like that.
The other day some RI guy was watching me play pokemon the whole time on the train. Rather than annoyed, I found it quite flattering, at least I'm entertaining him and he never looked at me weird or anything. I pretended I didn't see him so he won't get paiseh or anything. He looked like Track and Field.
Non-conformism FTW!
This cartoon, I wish man, I wish. Taken from Halolz who took it from another source on the pic.
Saturday 19 March 2011
What do I really want?
Another battle of the conflicting personalities.
I crave attention, but its not as good to me. When you're in the limelight, you sometimes lose yourself. I tried to do whatever I want, you know, like what American Culture strives to achieve, be yourself, individual before the community type liberal democracy, while making new friendships and building up old ones, but it's increasingly impossible.
And then when I'm alone, or with a close group of friends, its easiest to be myself, the real, uncool, wimpy, maybe a little gay me haha. The person who enjoys listening to Runescape and other game music, even playing it on the piano. The person, who spams pokemon, but would love a game of frisbee or table tennis given the chance. But it gets lonely. And its hard to look outside of this micro sphere of joy and see how much fun the others are having. And even those small, close group of friends, have many other friends. They can't be there all the time.
I've actually known this since primary school. I remember even in primary five, myself reflecting over these sentiments. I remember myself choosing between the large group of awesome Five-Oneians with people like Darren and Nurul versus the small but equally awesome group of Five-Oneians like Wei Ge and Dylan. It was easier then, because I didn't really have to choose.
But I felt something for that small group of minorities. I always have, for every underdog, for every unnoticed person in class. I've always had a soft spot, I don't know if its some arrogant crap in my head thinking I need to help them, because they're are fine who they are, unlike me. But I was sure, I wanted to be their friends and support them, sometimes more than others. That's why I often go against the majority, I find it both fun, challenging, and it feels me with satisfaction. When it comes to debates, when it comes to strategy games versus mindless zombie shooting.
There is always a deeper connection between the minds of the conscientious person.
So yeah, Kwang Ik, I get you. I understand why you think democracy is flawed for the reason that the best aren't voted in, the most popular are. I really want to join the Student Council, I really want to contribute, but will the voting do me any favors?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
And when I think of close friends, 4D always seems to welcome me, real me, with open arms. Yesterday's outing, however short, reminded me of that.
I think this should be cropped but I don't know how. I tried making it rule of thirds, didn't work.
I crave attention, but its not as good to me. When you're in the limelight, you sometimes lose yourself. I tried to do whatever I want, you know, like what American Culture strives to achieve, be yourself, individual before the community type liberal democracy, while making new friendships and building up old ones, but it's increasingly impossible.
And then when I'm alone, or with a close group of friends, its easiest to be myself, the real, uncool, wimpy, maybe a little gay me haha. The person who enjoys listening to Runescape and other game music, even playing it on the piano. The person, who spams pokemon, but would love a game of frisbee or table tennis given the chance. But it gets lonely. And its hard to look outside of this micro sphere of joy and see how much fun the others are having. And even those small, close group of friends, have many other friends. They can't be there all the time.
I've actually known this since primary school. I remember even in primary five, myself reflecting over these sentiments. I remember myself choosing between the large group of awesome Five-Oneians with people like Darren and Nurul versus the small but equally awesome group of Five-Oneians like Wei Ge and Dylan. It was easier then, because I didn't really have to choose.
But I felt something for that small group of minorities. I always have, for every underdog, for every unnoticed person in class. I've always had a soft spot, I don't know if its some arrogant crap in my head thinking I need to help them, because they're are fine who they are, unlike me. But I was sure, I wanted to be their friends and support them, sometimes more than others. That's why I often go against the majority, I find it both fun, challenging, and it feels me with satisfaction. When it comes to debates, when it comes to strategy games versus mindless zombie shooting.
There is always a deeper connection between the minds of the conscientious person.
So yeah, Kwang Ik, I get you. I understand why you think democracy is flawed for the reason that the best aren't voted in, the most popular are. I really want to join the Student Council, I really want to contribute, but will the voting do me any favors?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
And when I think of close friends, 4D always seems to welcome me, real me, with open arms. Yesterday's outing, however short, reminded me of that.
I think this should be cropped but I don't know how. I tried making it rule of thirds, didn't work.
Wednesday 16 March 2011
Tiger
I remember when I was little, I threw a tantrum several times. It was my brain's automatic response to fighting hurt emotions. In my mind, the same words would play 'I'll show them.'
To show them, I mean it, to show them, I'm really hurt. To show them, I'm not helpless.
I recall a time, I don't even remember exactly why I was so angry. I think it was because my parents didn't bother switching off the lights, and it pissed me off they didn't give a shit about the environment, not only through this one time, but many times before. But probably more distraught I was, because of the fact, that they didn't give a dam about what I say all the time. So I threw a tantrum and went around the house switching off all the lights and kicking stuff. Yeah I know, dam immature right?
In a way, my tiger mum accelerated my growth out of this nonsense, because even after the tantrum she would calmly laugh me off as childish, and restore the house, leaving me to shut the door in my room and reflect and hate...
So maybe I realized, it was foolish to throw tantrums. And maybe, you shouldn't bother with people so much. Just, be independent, work your own way up. Self-improvement, and self-direction. That's why you'll often hear me say my parents don't care about me. Because they don't, and I don't care that they don't (most of the time). They let me be my own person. Its neither bad nor good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A sad shot. Because I took half an hour to SCAPE just to realize RAFFLES STREET DANCE was over, I went there for absolutely nothing. Oh and later that day I found out my phone's entire list of RI contacts were gone.
Before Photoshop
After Photoshop
To show them, I mean it, to show them, I'm really hurt. To show them, I'm not helpless.
I recall a time, I don't even remember exactly why I was so angry. I think it was because my parents didn't bother switching off the lights, and it pissed me off they didn't give a shit about the environment, not only through this one time, but many times before. But probably more distraught I was, because of the fact, that they didn't give a dam about what I say all the time. So I threw a tantrum and went around the house switching off all the lights and kicking stuff. Yeah I know, dam immature right?
In a way, my tiger mum accelerated my growth out of this nonsense, because even after the tantrum she would calmly laugh me off as childish, and restore the house, leaving me to shut the door in my room and reflect and hate...
So maybe I realized, it was foolish to throw tantrums. And maybe, you shouldn't bother with people so much. Just, be independent, work your own way up. Self-improvement, and self-direction. That's why you'll often hear me say my parents don't care about me. Because they don't, and I don't care that they don't (most of the time). They let me be my own person. Its neither bad nor good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A sad shot. Because I took half an hour to SCAPE just to realize RAFFLES STREET DANCE was over, I went there for absolutely nothing. Oh and later that day I found out my phone's entire list of RI contacts were gone.
Before Photoshop
Monday 14 March 2011
Leadership - I recall another event
Certain events in your life, can affect you significantly. Sometimes, it needs to hurt before you remember it for life.
I'm recalling a time in secondary two during the planning stages of Choir Camp, where the tradition of Sec 2 BBQ was implemented.
I remember I was kind of screwed up. Fuck, I'm feeling depressed over it now...
I remember I was appointed the assistant in charge. What an awesome opportunity! What I didn't fathom, was that opportunities like that were meant to be seized and not exploited, they're different things.
Shit, what I'd give to go back now and tell myself to stop playing a fool.
As you can see, I'm dodging around telling you what happened, maybe its cause its one of the shittier things I regret in VS.
K, so I was appointed assistant in charge, but when it came to planning and co-ordinating, being committed, taking initiative, actually acting out my position, I didn't do a single fuck. Compared to the other group members, especially Yao Sheng, I really was the fucking slacker. I only started to realize this later on, when it was obvious no one could trust me in a leadership position again.
I count myself lucky that this event knocked some sense into me about stepping up to the plate when you must, and about steering your group, not letting others steer you, when you're supposed to be a leader. I'm so grateful I had another chance to prove my commitment when they let us take sectionals closer to the handover date for choir. Come to think of it now, I know why they didn't first add me to the list of possible committee members at first.
All those times we were discussing, I was in my own world thinking up lame jokes, goofing off, trying to be popular and all that fucking superficial shit. Yeah I admit, I'm an attention whore, still am, but maybe much less now. When you get lost in these sort of things, you sometimes lose yourself and forget what really matters. I think all this talk about having to win votes to join SC is making me lose myself a little.
Maybe that's why I'm so stuck up now about helping out, and taking initiative. Because I felt useless then, empty, and I felt the cold glance of my peers who saw me as only a fucking joker.
I've changed.
----------------------------
Hmmm I think I should have cropped it. What do you think?
I'm recalling a time in secondary two during the planning stages of Choir Camp, where the tradition of Sec 2 BBQ was implemented.
I remember I was kind of screwed up. Fuck, I'm feeling depressed over it now...
I remember I was appointed the assistant in charge. What an awesome opportunity! What I didn't fathom, was that opportunities like that were meant to be seized and not exploited, they're different things.
Shit, what I'd give to go back now and tell myself to stop playing a fool.
As you can see, I'm dodging around telling you what happened, maybe its cause its one of the shittier things I regret in VS.
K, so I was appointed assistant in charge, but when it came to planning and co-ordinating, being committed, taking initiative, actually acting out my position, I didn't do a single fuck. Compared to the other group members, especially Yao Sheng, I really was the fucking slacker. I only started to realize this later on, when it was obvious no one could trust me in a leadership position again.
I count myself lucky that this event knocked some sense into me about stepping up to the plate when you must, and about steering your group, not letting others steer you, when you're supposed to be a leader. I'm so grateful I had another chance to prove my commitment when they let us take sectionals closer to the handover date for choir. Come to think of it now, I know why they didn't first add me to the list of possible committee members at first.
All those times we were discussing, I was in my own world thinking up lame jokes, goofing off, trying to be popular and all that fucking superficial shit. Yeah I admit, I'm an attention whore, still am, but maybe much less now. When you get lost in these sort of things, you sometimes lose yourself and forget what really matters. I think all this talk about having to win votes to join SC is making me lose myself a little.
Maybe that's why I'm so stuck up now about helping out, and taking initiative. Because I felt useless then, empty, and I felt the cold glance of my peers who saw me as only a fucking joker.
I've changed.
----------------------------
Hmmm I think I should have cropped it. What do you think?
To whom it may concern (if any) up there, I'm getting your message
Lately, been facing a lot of setbacks, problems or annoyances. But hey, I guess, it's bound to happen to anyone.
Another thing though. Getting a lot of Dejavu lately. Sometimes, its pretty scary. But I don't want to act on it. My principle belief is not to change my mindset in any way until proven wrong. In a sense, I cannot be sure of this feeling, so I'll just let it slide. Its a logical fallacy to think that because something can be explained be in a certain way, means it has to be true if it happens. What we know as 'truth' is only belief. I could explain it, but maybe you'd prefer to watch this crude and ridiculously educational and hilarious clip, part of a series.
WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT
Another thing though. Getting a lot of Dejavu lately. Sometimes, its pretty scary. But I don't want to act on it. My principle belief is not to change my mindset in any way until proven wrong. In a sense, I cannot be sure of this feeling, so I'll just let it slide. Its a logical fallacy to think that because something can be explained be in a certain way, means it has to be true if it happens. What we know as 'truth' is only belief. I could explain it, but maybe you'd prefer to watch this crude and ridiculously educational and hilarious clip, part of a series.
WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT
Sunday 13 March 2011
Time away in Ubin part 2
Night
We played Giant, Wizard, Dwarf, a mimic of Gorilla, Jane, Tarzan, or the ever existing scissors paper stone. It soon became apparent that only sports enthusiast and enthu people like me would play. And it was screwed up by the usual disruptive people. Not that its a bad thing, sometimes these things make it more fun I assume, but I'd really rather have fun ACTUALLY playing the game.
Afterwards, we showered and fractured into splinter cells (did I use the term correctly O_o?). And I watched the stars with Kwang Ik (eww sounds so gay xD) just lying on our ground sheet and sleeping bag respectively (which I later regret because it soaked up all the dew). For the first time I actually properly did some existential contemplating and discussion while reading constellations (OK it was just Orion we don't know anything else haha) and imagining, soaking in the vast universe. I drifted into a dream of being on other planets with different but spectacular views and sceneries.
Our Earth is so majestic and magical already, its hard to imagine anything else, or anyone who would, in their power, choose not to recycle, or choose not to switch the fan off.
After that, we attempted to gather as a class and play some games. But failed utterly, no thanks to the usual people. Dang I'm making them sound like awful people! I wish I would stop thinking it that way, but I get really frustrated when there are people like Elizabeth and Kaushik in class, who are nice in general, but are so apathetic when it comes to anything out of their stride like class bonding or listening in class... Sigh, I'm still lucky though, that there are awesome people like Kwang Ik and Rachel in class haha.
So we split up. And I tried that tight rope thing my instructor set up. Quite fun bah, trying to walk on it, with the occasional awfully painful cramp on your feet haha. Then some social games like truth or dare (which I personally don't see the big deal about it is, it always ends up stopped halfway).
The Interim (Midnight to Sunrise)
Possibly the darkest time of the camp (no pun intended). It made it all the more memorable.
The thunderstorm and chilly winds cut through our tents and our skins like ice. Everyone was now awake at 4 am, barely having slept 3 hours, holding the tent together against the elements. At this point, I was only concerned at passing this storm.
The teacher ran over and told us to run for proper shelter with our stuff. I was last to go, having assumed that there would be no rain that night since it rained in the afternoon already.
My prime concern when reaching the shelter: My poor, soaked, D90.
Screen didn't work.
I think it was only then that I realized how much I loved my camera.
Having lost my confidence in singing, my entire persona collapsed.
For the length of time I couldn't use my camera. I was just lost.
That piece of equipment was more than a machine. It was my friend.
It didn't need to say a word to cheer me up. Just the sound of the shutter was enough to bring my delight. I didn't need the approval, nor the praise that anyone would give me. The camera accepted me openly, and often it is with some reluctance that I lend it away. When I didn't feel like talking, it was there for me to grasp it tightly, and just click away and stand in a little corner, analyzing my own shots mechanically but emotionally too.
I remember one of the earliest advice that Mr Zabid gave us as photographers was that we must be unseen...
Just like my blog, its where my C personality shines the most. The quiet, modest one, just seeing the world through a lens or what you post.
So it was to my utmost horror that my screen didn't work. Sure I could take pictures. But how could OCD me stand not being able to see and readjust my shots? What the hell was my use now that my camera was broken? How can my parents trust me with such equipment ever again? Identity, completely lost now.
And with the exception of closer friends, nobody gives a shit about the photographer. Who cares if he actually obliges to bring his camera, risking it against the rain. Its his problem. Its his responsibility. Yeah. That's the point of being unseen all the time.
The frosty breeze didn't help. My instructor's coffee did. And after that, became a lot of emotional again. Lately lapsing into that a bit too often. So while everyone was bothered about their own business, complaining about their wet shoes and what not, I sang my time away against a little pillar watching the sunrise, uncaringly humming away a lot of Coldplay and Muse. Its OK. I am stronger than I look people. I'm more independent than you think. So while I'm still healing. Just have a little patience.
Here comes the sun. Doo do do do. And miraculously, Japanese technology redeems itself as my camera snaps back into action with some of my thumping and cleaning. Happiest moment in my life: SYF 2009 Results. Second Happiest: My Camera is OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Celebratory jump shots were calling, so I happily obliged with some close friends and heard my camera's shutter again. Clicking happily, I felt my D90 sharing my joy with me, as if it could do its job for its owner again. From then on, never let it out of my grasp or sight during the camp again.
Morning
Some inter-class games involving a series of activities that must be mastered as a team. So obviously, we didn't do as well as we could have, given the few ADHD people we have in our class. In the end, we didn't do so badly, mainly because the final part of the games was to make a catapult, and that only required a few people to construct. Hence allowing the skilled and diligent to work alone and efficiently.
Cleaning and clearing. Half the class helping half the class Lepaking all over again. Gah. At least they know they're really just slacking while we're working. Being appreciative is a start haha. After that was the reflection period. We knew where our class stood I guess, the question was if everyone wanted to make a difference, or just keep to the status quo.
So ends our journey. Some lame photoshopping ensued of course. Also, if your not in to those, some ACTUAL photography. Of course, if you want them all, go facebook! The photos should be chronological, which means it might help you visualize our entire camp! Note the many tumblr references sprinkled around, hope you don't mind haha.
We played Giant, Wizard, Dwarf, a mimic of Gorilla, Jane, Tarzan, or the ever existing scissors paper stone. It soon became apparent that only sports enthusiast and enthu people like me would play. And it was screwed up by the usual disruptive people. Not that its a bad thing, sometimes these things make it more fun I assume, but I'd really rather have fun ACTUALLY playing the game.
Afterwards, we showered and fractured into splinter cells (did I use the term correctly O_o?). And I watched the stars with Kwang Ik (eww sounds so gay xD) just lying on our ground sheet and sleeping bag respectively (which I later regret because it soaked up all the dew). For the first time I actually properly did some existential contemplating and discussion while reading constellations (OK it was just Orion we don't know anything else haha) and imagining, soaking in the vast universe. I drifted into a dream of being on other planets with different but spectacular views and sceneries.
Our Earth is so majestic and magical already, its hard to imagine anything else, or anyone who would, in their power, choose not to recycle, or choose not to switch the fan off.
After that, we attempted to gather as a class and play some games. But failed utterly, no thanks to the usual people. Dang I'm making them sound like awful people! I wish I would stop thinking it that way, but I get really frustrated when there are people like Elizabeth and Kaushik in class, who are nice in general, but are so apathetic when it comes to anything out of their stride like class bonding or listening in class... Sigh, I'm still lucky though, that there are awesome people like Kwang Ik and Rachel in class haha.
So we split up. And I tried that tight rope thing my instructor set up. Quite fun bah, trying to walk on it, with the occasional awfully painful cramp on your feet haha. Then some social games like truth or dare (which I personally don't see the big deal about it is, it always ends up stopped halfway).
The Interim (Midnight to Sunrise)
Possibly the darkest time of the camp (no pun intended). It made it all the more memorable.
The thunderstorm and chilly winds cut through our tents and our skins like ice. Everyone was now awake at 4 am, barely having slept 3 hours, holding the tent together against the elements. At this point, I was only concerned at passing this storm.
The teacher ran over and told us to run for proper shelter with our stuff. I was last to go, having assumed that there would be no rain that night since it rained in the afternoon already.
My prime concern when reaching the shelter: My poor, soaked, D90.
Screen didn't work.
I think it was only then that I realized how much I loved my camera.
Having lost my confidence in singing, my entire persona collapsed.
For the length of time I couldn't use my camera. I was just lost.
That piece of equipment was more than a machine. It was my friend.
It didn't need to say a word to cheer me up. Just the sound of the shutter was enough to bring my delight. I didn't need the approval, nor the praise that anyone would give me. The camera accepted me openly, and often it is with some reluctance that I lend it away. When I didn't feel like talking, it was there for me to grasp it tightly, and just click away and stand in a little corner, analyzing my own shots mechanically but emotionally too.
I remember one of the earliest advice that Mr Zabid gave us as photographers was that we must be unseen...
Just like my blog, its where my C personality shines the most. The quiet, modest one, just seeing the world through a lens or what you post.
So it was to my utmost horror that my screen didn't work. Sure I could take pictures. But how could OCD me stand not being able to see and readjust my shots? What the hell was my use now that my camera was broken? How can my parents trust me with such equipment ever again? Identity, completely lost now.
And with the exception of closer friends, nobody gives a shit about the photographer. Who cares if he actually obliges to bring his camera, risking it against the rain. Its his problem. Its his responsibility. Yeah. That's the point of being unseen all the time.
The frosty breeze didn't help. My instructor's coffee did. And after that, became a lot of emotional again. Lately lapsing into that a bit too often. So while everyone was bothered about their own business, complaining about their wet shoes and what not, I sang my time away against a little pillar watching the sunrise, uncaringly humming away a lot of Coldplay and Muse. Its OK. I am stronger than I look people. I'm more independent than you think. So while I'm still healing. Just have a little patience.
Here comes the sun. Doo do do do. And miraculously, Japanese technology redeems itself as my camera snaps back into action with some of my thumping and cleaning. Happiest moment in my life: SYF 2009 Results. Second Happiest: My Camera is OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Celebratory jump shots were calling, so I happily obliged with some close friends and heard my camera's shutter again. Clicking happily, I felt my D90 sharing my joy with me, as if it could do its job for its owner again. From then on, never let it out of my grasp or sight during the camp again.
Morning
Some inter-class games involving a series of activities that must be mastered as a team. So obviously, we didn't do as well as we could have, given the few ADHD people we have in our class. In the end, we didn't do so badly, mainly because the final part of the games was to make a catapult, and that only required a few people to construct. Hence allowing the skilled and diligent to work alone and efficiently.
Cleaning and clearing. Half the class helping half the class Lepaking all over again. Gah. At least they know they're really just slacking while we're working. Being appreciative is a start haha. After that was the reflection period. We knew where our class stood I guess, the question was if everyone wanted to make a difference, or just keep to the status quo.
So ends our journey. Some lame photoshopping ensued of course. Also, if your not in to those, some ACTUAL photography. Of course, if you want them all, go facebook! The photos should be chronological, which means it might help you visualize our entire camp! Note the many tumblr references sprinkled around, hope you don't mind haha.
I think you're wondering how come I'm so free can post so much. I have no answer.
Saturday 12 March 2011
Bad day TTM
So I went to SCAPE.
So I was alone.
So I didn't have lunch.
So I was late.
So I missed the entire RI Street Dance performance.
So I travelled half an hour there, half an hour back, accomplishing nothing except MRT experience and some Pokemon progress.
So I realized I have lost practically all my RI contacts, including my GP teacher, and I'm the GP rep.
So I'm in a pretty bad shape now.
So I'm goofing off.
So I was alone.
So I didn't have lunch.
So I was late.
So I missed the entire RI Street Dance performance.
So I travelled half an hour there, half an hour back, accomplishing nothing except MRT experience and some Pokemon progress.
So I realized I have lost practically all my RI contacts, including my GP teacher, and I'm the GP rep.
So I'm in a pretty bad shape now.
So I'm goofing off.
Oh shit, still infatuated
Oh my gosh, I have a feeling I'm just going to SCAPE later for the wrong reasons D:
OK wait, its not a feeling, I know it.
A girl in my OG asked everyone to try and make it. And maybe I wasn't thinking, but golly, 2 hours at a semi-far away place eating up my holidays, doesn't sound too good right now since I'm going alone. My gosh what's wrong with me? -.- So easily seduced ar lol.
Dam... plus my father can't make it back in time for lunch, which means eating out alone too I guess. Argh
But I really don't want to break a promise, partially because its not right, and secondly I'm still a bit crush-ish over her. Dang it!! Next time think before you do something like this. OH and if you just so happened to have been in the tent in Ubin when we played Truth or Dare, yeah its the same girl I mentioned. Oops haha.
AIYO AIYO >.>
OK never mind. 塞翁失马，焉知非福。 I guess you could say this is an opportunity to hone a bit of my fast photography skills. And since its street dance, its Street Photography HAHA OK whut. Lame joke.
Lately, my lameness has been peaking again haha xD Cause my class kena influenced and now everyone is laming with me (or at least, my closer RI friends)
In the last few days:
What kind of reaction are lame jokes?
Endothermic, cause they're cold! :D
There were three giants and a dwarf. Naturally, some discrimination and argument ensued between them. Very soon, it escalated and a giant took out a gun... and pressed the trigger.
Why did the dwarf die?
He was sho(r)t.
And of course, the occasional (OK not really, more like super frequent), puns and inside jokes that can't be taken out of context.
The holidays, have started! And............ I've got................ A lot of shit to do. Yay! Haha, no joke people, I love sai kung xD
Ok gtgz now have to get ready for SCAPE heh.
P.S. For convenience sake, the label comic, is also given to any of my lame joke posts. Also, if you notice some of my posts labelled photography have no pictures, its either I have referenced to photography or because the pictures have been removed for miscellaneous reasons such as O levels.
OK wait, its not a feeling, I know it.
A girl in my OG asked everyone to try and make it. And maybe I wasn't thinking, but golly, 2 hours at a semi-far away place eating up my holidays, doesn't sound too good right now since I'm going alone. My gosh what's wrong with me? -.- So easily seduced ar lol.
Dam... plus my father can't make it back in time for lunch, which means eating out alone too I guess. Argh
But I really don't want to break a promise, partially because its not right, and secondly I'm still a bit crush-ish over her. Dang it!! Next time think before you do something like this. OH and if you just so happened to have been in the tent in Ubin when we played Truth or Dare, yeah its the same girl I mentioned. Oops haha.
AIYO AIYO >.>
OK never mind. 塞翁失马，焉知非福。 I guess you could say this is an opportunity to hone a bit of my fast photography skills. And since its street dance, its Street Photography HAHA OK whut. Lame joke.
Lately, my lameness has been peaking again haha xD Cause my class kena influenced and now everyone is laming with me (or at least, my closer RI friends)
In the last few days:
What kind of reaction are lame jokes?
Endothermic, cause they're cold! :D
There were three giants and a dwarf. Naturally, some discrimination and argument ensued between them. Very soon, it escalated and a giant took out a gun... and pressed the trigger.
Why did the dwarf die?
He was sho(r)t.
And of course, the occasional (OK not really, more like super frequent), puns and inside jokes that can't be taken out of context.
The holidays, have started! And............ I've got................ A lot of shit to do. Yay! Haha, no joke people, I love sai kung xD
Ok gtgz now have to get ready for SCAPE heh.
P.S. For convenience sake, the label comic, is also given to any of my lame joke posts. Also, if you notice some of my posts labelled photography have no pictures, its either I have referenced to photography or because the pictures have been removed for miscellaneous reasons such as O levels.
Thursday 10 March 2011
Being of all trades and master of none makes Jack a dull boy
I just realized today.
I have no talent ...
I mean, any talent that I deem as cool, or useful.
And any talent I may have, isn't as refined as the people around me. Look at Bryan, he cooks, plays guitar, can sing (a little), has so many leadership qualities, keeps up with current affairs, such a strong moral figure to top it off. Jing Wei, ultra buff, took PE in the 'O's, beat me at a Maths and Chinese test, also plays guitar, AND plays the drums.
The drawback of coming to RI I guess.
Wasted so many years watching TV and gaming, never even got good at the latter that much. Meanwhile, hardworking students as young as me were learning guitar, piano, violin, etc. Bah. I haven't really gotten over this funk spilling over from my failed choir auditions.
You can say my singing doesn't suck, but compared to Jia Lok and Yan Mei, it does like hell, what, cracking every 5 notes or something. And that is part of what defines them.
And then, you can talk about photography. But I don't feel like I deserve any praise for that. I don't work as hard as maybe Daniel and Rifdi doing it, cept maybe during coursework. And I don't do it all that often either. In other works, I don't think I've worked hard enough for this talent. Even got a lousy A2 for it. Wasted my parents money.
I love my camera though... always have. I treat it as much as my friend sometimes. When I don't want to talk, when I feel like doing a chameleon and merging into the background, just snapping away. When it spoilt during class camp... well I'll elaborate on it next post? Maybe I really am meant to be a photographer :) At least that's something...
What the fuck else defines me? Nothing the bloody fuck except lame jokes. I'm fucking pathetic and uncool that way. I don't even know whether this blog title is all that accurate anymore.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So resigned to my lame joke persona here's a few I came up with in the last few days.
What did the stem say to the flower? I'm stalking you. (Inspired from Jaren)
What did the bread say to the knife? I loathe (loaf) you. (Inspired from looking at a free loaf of bread taken from class camp WHUTT???)
Why is taking the lift (up) like a party? You go high. (Thought of it TAKING THE LIFT WTS)
See? Fucking lame right? Yeah. Wtf is wrong with me seriously, my brain is weird. O_o
I have no talent ...
I mean, any talent that I deem as cool, or useful.
And any talent I may have, isn't as refined as the people around me. Look at Bryan, he cooks, plays guitar, can sing (a little), has so many leadership qualities, keeps up with current affairs, such a strong moral figure to top it off. Jing Wei, ultra buff, took PE in the 'O's, beat me at a Maths and Chinese test, also plays guitar, AND plays the drums.
The drawback of coming to RI I guess.
Wasted so many years watching TV and gaming, never even got good at the latter that much. Meanwhile, hardworking students as young as me were learning guitar, piano, violin, etc. Bah. I haven't really gotten over this funk spilling over from my failed choir auditions.
You can say my singing doesn't suck, but compared to Jia Lok and Yan Mei, it does like hell, what, cracking every 5 notes or something. And that is part of what defines them.
And then, you can talk about photography. But I don't feel like I deserve any praise for that. I don't work as hard as maybe Daniel and Rifdi doing it, cept maybe during coursework. And I don't do it all that often either. In other works, I don't think I've worked hard enough for this talent. Even got a lousy A2 for it. Wasted my parents money.
I love my camera though... always have. I treat it as much as my friend sometimes. When I don't want to talk, when I feel like doing a chameleon and merging into the background, just snapping away. When it spoilt during class camp... well I'll elaborate on it next post? Maybe I really am meant to be a photographer :) At least that's something...
What the fuck else defines me? Nothing the bloody fuck except lame jokes. I'm fucking pathetic and uncool that way. I don't even know whether this blog title is all that accurate anymore.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So resigned to my lame joke persona here's a few I came up with in the last few days.
What did the stem say to the flower? I'm stalking you. (Inspired from Jaren)
What did the bread say to the knife? I loathe (loaf) you. (Inspired from looking at a free loaf of bread taken from class camp WHUTT???)
Why is taking the lift (up) like a party? You go high. (Thought of it TAKING THE LIFT WTS)
See? Fucking lame right? Yeah. Wtf is wrong with me seriously, my brain is weird. O_o
OK. Got to stop indulging in self-pity. I will just, be myself I guess.
I can't do anything much else...
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Time away in Ubin Part 1
My RI classmate Kwang Ik, whom is now my good friend :), told us in his reflection of the camp. "We only get to see the true colors of people under pressure." But, I think, in some ways, people just have to be put out of their comfort zone to start expressing their inner self, even if its a little.
The class camp, I think, was more meaningful than one would have thought. I myself didn't believe 2 days was enough to open people up. But I realize, a lack of sleep (and cleanliness) can push people over their barriers more than you may think.
Chronologically... my thoughts and experiences. One of the main things I found in the trip, was a clear split between the Workaholics and the Easy Going in my class. To maintain PC, I used those two terms which have both positive and negative connotations. I think, I've learnt I must aim to be less Guai Kia haha.
Day 1 Morning: Report to school, everyone's psyched (I think, oh wait its probably only me haha), I meet my eco lit enrichment program interviewer (whom I rejected over GCEP enrichment program =x), immediately can tell he's cool with it, and really is an awesome guy in general, he turns out to be our camp instructor)
The walk to our campsite indicates individual preferences of friends to chat with on the way. Obviously.
Once again, while he's trying to brief people, a few of my classmates prefer to converse and ignore him. As usual GUAI KIA me is annoyed. Thankfully there are also people annoyed with me like Jia Lok and Kwang Ik.
Afternoon: Everyone's having lunch, suddenly, the big circle decides to partition into two. Not due to a split in the circle, but because a few of the typical 'popular' kids decide to close an inner circle to talk to their friends. A more apparently clique formation begins here.
Its time to have some class bonding sessions. And this was one of the more emotional periods for me...
You know good 'ol DISC profiling? A similar exercise was used, where D was Eagle, I was Peacock, S was Dove, and C was Owl (all birds in this way, and the test is slightly different)
I know I'm an IC, and yeah, I turned out to be a peacock. However, I was still disturbed for a few reasons. Firstly, peacocks already have negative connotations to me, I hate people who show off looks, in this case animals. Secondly, I was grouped with people in my class whom I don't really have a good impression of (Short attention spans, joking among themselves while the teacher is talking, ponning lectures half the time, disturbing teacher, etc.) Naturally, it got me thinking, am I like them? ... I guess I overreacted a little. But I honestly was uncomfortable being labelled as the sort whose all talk no action, preferring to joke over work kind...
Then came the semi-fun game of using the air cannon at the old gun placement on Ubin. Unfortunately, the hi-score timing for classes was ridiculously fast and we quite fail in terms of beating the timing despite our valiant efforts hehe. After that was a secret tunnel thing where our team was very awesome and had many brave souls haha. Great Job people! I mean, compared to the other half of our class with frequent screaming from the girls due to the pitch-black setting we had to navigate, was very fun. TBH, if I was still back in secondary two or three I would probably have been more terrified xD.
Evening: Another major event was next; cooking our own dinner. Why major event? Cause you could really start to see whose interested in helping and whose not. So while some were busy cooking food for the whole class, the rest played Captain's ball. I didn't really have a problem with this, I always liked to work in the background, maybe only recognized by few. So I cooked and took photos of both events (being a good photographer, must cover all events properly hehe) I don't know if the really did it, but the Captain's Ball people were supposed to clean up instead (maybe they felt guilty after all), but I didn't really see it, guess they decided to make an empty promise. Oh wellz, what can we do? Can't pressure people to do things, it wasn't a very serious camp anyway, and I can't expect everyone to be as enthusiastic as us.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What defines me:
Relatively Smart
Choir
Photography
Lame Joker
Wimpy
Nerdy
Hence, my new way of spending free time: Doing lame photoshopping xD
Chair: http://free3d.architecture.sk/2008/01/ea115-eames-chair-free-3d-model/
Guitar: http://professional-guitar.blogspot.com/2010/08/types-of-guitars.html
The class camp, I think, was more meaningful than one would have thought. I myself didn't believe 2 days was enough to open people up. But I realize, a lack of sleep (and cleanliness) can push people over their barriers more than you may think.
Chronologically... my thoughts and experiences. One of the main things I found in the trip, was a clear split between the Workaholics and the Easy Going in my class. To maintain PC, I used those two terms which have both positive and negative connotations. I think, I've learnt I must aim to be less Guai Kia haha.
Day 1 Morning: Report to school, everyone's psyched (I think, oh wait its probably only me haha), I meet my eco lit enrichment program interviewer (whom I rejected over GCEP enrichment program =x), immediately can tell he's cool with it, and really is an awesome guy in general, he turns out to be our camp instructor)
The walk to our campsite indicates individual preferences of friends to chat with on the way. Obviously.
Once again, while he's trying to brief people, a few of my classmates prefer to converse and ignore him. As usual GUAI KIA me is annoyed. Thankfully there are also people annoyed with me like Jia Lok and Kwang Ik.
Afternoon: Everyone's having lunch, suddenly, the big circle decides to partition into two. Not due to a split in the circle, but because a few of the typical 'popular' kids decide to close an inner circle to talk to their friends. A more apparently clique formation begins here.
Its time to have some class bonding sessions. And this was one of the more emotional periods for me...
You know good 'ol DISC profiling? A similar exercise was used, where D was Eagle, I was Peacock, S was Dove, and C was Owl (all birds in this way, and the test is slightly different)
I know I'm an IC, and yeah, I turned out to be a peacock. However, I was still disturbed for a few reasons. Firstly, peacocks already have negative connotations to me, I hate people who show off looks, in this case animals. Secondly, I was grouped with people in my class whom I don't really have a good impression of (Short attention spans, joking among themselves while the teacher is talking, ponning lectures half the time, disturbing teacher, etc.) Naturally, it got me thinking, am I like them? ... I guess I overreacted a little. But I honestly was uncomfortable being labelled as the sort whose all talk no action, preferring to joke over work kind...
Then came the semi-fun game of using the air cannon at the old gun placement on Ubin. Unfortunately, the hi-score timing for classes was ridiculously fast and we quite fail in terms of beating the timing despite our valiant efforts hehe. After that was a secret tunnel thing where our team was very awesome and had many brave souls haha. Great Job people! I mean, compared to the other half of our class with frequent screaming from the girls due to the pitch-black setting we had to navigate, was very fun. TBH, if I was still back in secondary two or three I would probably have been more terrified xD.
Evening: Another major event was next; cooking our own dinner. Why major event? Cause you could really start to see whose interested in helping and whose not. So while some were busy cooking food for the whole class, the rest played Captain's ball. I didn't really have a problem with this, I always liked to work in the background, maybe only recognized by few. So I cooked and took photos of both events (being a good photographer, must cover all events properly hehe) I don't know if the really did it, but the Captain's Ball people were supposed to clean up instead (maybe they felt guilty after all), but I didn't really see it, guess they decided to make an empty promise. Oh wellz, what can we do? Can't pressure people to do things, it wasn't a very serious camp anyway, and I can't expect everyone to be as enthusiastic as us.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What defines me:
Photography
Lame Joker
Wimpy
Nerdy
Hence, my new way of spending free time: Doing lame photoshopping xD
 |
| Rocking Chair |
Chair: http://free3d.architecture.sk/2008/01/ea115-eames-chair-free-3d-model/
Guitar: http://professional-guitar.blogspot.com/2010/08/types-of-guitars.html
Sunday 6 March 2011
Social Addict
OH manzz. I shall give you a scenario of what happens when you have a Macbook right next to you while you're studying/doing homework.
*Takes out Chemistry* Productivity: Normal
*Sees Mac* Productivity: Less than normal
*Turns Macbook on for music* Productivity: Dropping
*ACTUALLY finishes a chemistry question in under 1 minute waiting for Mac to start* Productivity: ULTRA
*Logs in to Mac* Productivity: Normal
*Does another question! Nearly finishing Chem tutorial 1!* Productivity: Super
*Sees Mac has logged in* Productivity: Meh.
*Turns on Safari and twitches to address bar with following: rew/pot/andw/godz/eup/your-/mar/kee/fac/vis/itsq* Productivity: CRITICALLY DYING
*Surfs blogs and social sites for 1 hour* Productivity: Negative Infinity
MUST STOP STALKING BLOGS!!!! Smack yourself Li Keen!
Constantly failing this song yesterday! xD
*Takes out Chemistry* Productivity: Normal
*Sees Mac* Productivity: Less than normal
*Turns Macbook on for music* Productivity: Dropping
*ACTUALLY finishes a chemistry question in under 1 minute waiting for Mac to start* Productivity: ULTRA
*Logs in to Mac* Productivity: Normal
*Does another question! Nearly finishing Chem tutorial 1!* Productivity: Super
*Sees Mac has logged in* Productivity: Meh.
*Turns on Safari and twitches to address bar with following: rew/pot/andw/godz/eup/your-/mar/kee/fac/vis/itsq* Productivity: CRITICALLY DYING
*Surfs blogs and social sites for 1 hour* Productivity: Negative Infinity
MUST STOP STALKING BLOGS!!!! Smack yourself Li Keen!
Constantly failing this song yesterday! xD
Thursday 3 March 2011
Yay!
Yay! Finally managed to actually achieve SOMETHING in RI. Thought it was impossible.
Firstly, I got through to both Governance & Civics Engagement Program and the Ecological Literature Program, sadly, I could only pick one D:
So I picked the former, because, well, I think its more worth it. If I want eco lit, its quite possible for me to learn more online, even go to Ubin/MacRitchie myself, whereas being an assigned to an MP, going for meet-the-people's session, well, that's quite the rare opportunity.
And another yay! I won 2nd in the IHC (Inter-house competition) photography competition for MORRISON-RICHARDSON <--- that's my house!!! It isn't all that great and prestigious, but at least I did SOMETHING. FYI, it was the fish picture haha! Theme was Vigour.
Don't know if I'm suppose say though, cause I received it by e-mail, so nobody in the school except maybe me and house directorates, judges know.
But but but...
STUPID LEG GOT INJURED. Can't do anything now D: I hate missing PE leh, seriously. OH WELLZ, just got to do my best recover. This is the first time I've got an injury like this, so I really have no idea what to do leh. Should I take the painkillers/anti-inflammatory medicine my doctor gave me? Should I wear the knee guard? blehz. Need an expert.
And all this while, council is still plaguing my mind. If I don't get in, I think you might expect even more emo-ness than the post-choir period (which is still on)
Firstly, I got through to both Governance & Civics Engagement Program and the Ecological Literature Program, sadly, I could only pick one D:
So I picked the former, because, well, I think its more worth it. If I want eco lit, its quite possible for me to learn more online, even go to Ubin/MacRitchie myself, whereas being an assigned to an MP, going for meet-the-people's session, well, that's quite the rare opportunity.
And another yay! I won 2nd in the IHC (Inter-house competition) photography competition for MORRISON-RICHARDSON <--- that's my house!!! It isn't all that great and prestigious, but at least I did SOMETHING. FYI, it was the fish picture haha! Theme was Vigour.
Don't know if I'm suppose say though, cause I received it by e-mail, so nobody in the school except maybe me and house directorates, judges know.
But but but...
STUPID LEG GOT INJURED. Can't do anything now D: I hate missing PE leh, seriously. OH WELLZ, just got to do my best recover. This is the first time I've got an injury like this, so I really have no idea what to do leh. Should I take the painkillers/anti-inflammatory medicine my doctor gave me? Should I wear the knee guard? blehz. Need an expert.
And all this while, council is still plaguing my mind. If I don't get in, I think you might expect even more emo-ness than the post-choir period (which is still on)
Wednesday 2 March 2011
Dear family, please go for skills upgrading
Dang! Its so annoying being the only tech literate person in my house.
It was OK last time, because I thought while I was fixing the modem and all that, my parents/ my younger brother was watching and ACTUALLY DOING SOME LEARNING.
But hell no, they were just ordering me around to fix their problems and read redundant messages from Norton or whatever for them = =
They can't even seem to understand the words "Unable to detect wireless network". DUH. It means UNABLE TO DETECT WIRELESS NETWORK. WHAT ELSE CAN IT POSSIBLY MEAN???? Seriously. My father has to point to the screen and ask, "What does this mean?"
Example 2?
Mum starts shouting and cursing, "HOW DO I USE THIS? WHERE IS INTERNET EXPLORER?" Even though my younger brother keeps pointing to Google Chrome. Then as soon as she finally realizes that the internet ACTUALLY has other browsers, she goes, "HOW DO I GO TO (THIS) WEBSITE? TYPE WHERE? HOW HOW HOW?" COME ON... SERIOUSLY? CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FREAKING ADDRESS BAR WHICH LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS INTERNET EXPLORER?
It doesn't end there. She has to act defiant and start complaining, "HOW COME CHROME IS SO SLOW? MY PAGE ISN'T LOADING." What the shit, its freaking 10 times faster than internet explorer, come on people, stop being so stubborn and open your mind to technology! Complaining for the sake of complaining. Bloody typical Singaporeans.
And can't you see I have my own problems in JC to settle!?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN SOME TROUBLESHOOTING GOSH.
My brother and father interrupted my sleep cause they thought Norton Anti-Virus expired and were panicking. Idiots didn't actually bother to read the message advertising Norton online backing up for files.
And my mother goes on in triumph over her genius-ness in understanding MSN language over my father, though when it actually comes down to practical hardware troubleshooting, my father will bother to play around and try to DIY (eventually calling me again in the end so not much diff, but its the thought that counts)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you're emo, you naturally go for songs with such lyrics and an overdose of synthesizer chords.
It was OK last time, because I thought while I was fixing the modem and all that, my parents/ my younger brother was watching and ACTUALLY DOING SOME LEARNING.
But hell no, they were just ordering me around to fix their problems and read redundant messages from Norton or whatever for them = =
They can't even seem to understand the words "Unable to detect wireless network". DUH. It means UNABLE TO DETECT WIRELESS NETWORK. WHAT ELSE CAN IT POSSIBLY MEAN???? Seriously. My father has to point to the screen and ask, "What does this mean?"
Example 2?
Mum starts shouting and cursing, "HOW DO I USE THIS? WHERE IS INTERNET EXPLORER?" Even though my younger brother keeps pointing to Google Chrome. Then as soon as she finally realizes that the internet ACTUALLY has other browsers, she goes, "HOW DO I GO TO (THIS) WEBSITE? TYPE WHERE? HOW HOW HOW?" COME ON... SERIOUSLY? CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FREAKING ADDRESS BAR WHICH LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS INTERNET EXPLORER?
It doesn't end there. She has to act defiant and start complaining, "HOW COME CHROME IS SO SLOW? MY PAGE ISN'T LOADING." What the shit, its freaking 10 times faster than internet explorer, come on people, stop being so stubborn and open your mind to technology! Complaining for the sake of complaining. Bloody typical Singaporeans.
And can't you see I have my own problems in JC to settle!?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN SOME TROUBLESHOOTING GOSH.
My brother and father interrupted my sleep cause they thought Norton Anti-Virus expired and were panicking. Idiots didn't actually bother to read the message advertising Norton online backing up for files.
And my mother goes on in triumph over her genius-ness in understanding MSN language over my father, though when it actually comes down to practical hardware troubleshooting, my father will bother to play around and try to DIY (eventually calling me again in the end so not much diff, but its the thought that counts)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you're emo, you naturally go for songs with such lyrics and an overdose of synthesizer chords.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Identity Crisis
Going to RI : FREAKING AWESOME
Going to RI with Jia Lok : FREAKING AWESOME x 1000000000000000000000
So glad to have good friends in Raffles. It definitely feels better to talk in person after all.
SO YEAH COUNCIL, PLEASE ACCEPT ME. I honestly love Raffles. Really.
So why is this titled Identity Crisis? Because I came into Raffles with something. But I lost it. I became a zero. I don't even know what I can be proud of anymore, its inferior to anyone else. But thanks to my friends, I guess I feel better now. Yeah I am zero, but that could be tending towards infinity on the y-axis. LAME!!! Yeah I am, got a knee injury after all xD
Going to RI with Jia Lok : FREAKING AWESOME x 1000000000000000000000
So glad to have good friends in Raffles. It definitely feels better to talk in person after all.
SO YEAH COUNCIL, PLEASE ACCEPT ME. I honestly love Raffles. Really.
So why is this titled Identity Crisis? Because I came into Raffles with something. But I lost it. I became a zero. I don't even know what I can be proud of anymore, its inferior to anyone else. But thanks to my friends, I guess I feel better now. Yeah I am zero, but that could be tending towards infinity on the y-axis. LAME!!! Yeah I am, got a knee injury after all xD
 |
| Dynamism of Still Life |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)