Sunday, 27 May 2012

How f-ed up life is

I'd rather die a penniless and good man than a deceitful, successful one.
Unfortunately my parents don't think so.
Righteousness may be the folly of some, but it is the very fuel that keeps me going strong.
I don't need God to tell me that.
My grand-uncle is a photographer, but he is poor as he works as a cleaner. He is old and single but I don't care. He did what he loved so why the fuck should you care whether he has 500 shares in Facebook or a dozen square miles of property in New York?


Should I go for tuition?
I just hate the fucking feeling of being patronized. Of attempting to gain an upper hand. I don't like the feeling I've been given an advantage. I hate the that this meritocracy breeds the kind of dirty, back-handed competition that it does. I don't know where all these sentiments come from, but on my list of top hates inequality has to be one of them. And unfortunately, I supposedly have to 'count myself lucky' for being born into a privileged class and society, do you know how fucking shitty that feels? Like as if all my accomplishments were not by my own merit but because I was just fucking born this way? Like I have to live up to expectations from the moment my elder brother topped classes and got scholarships? Inspiring stories out there of people from humble beginnings making their way to the top by hard work and grit... urgh. Has it occurred to anyone that some people are 'born smart' or 'born talented' or 'born rich', but also 'born hardworking', is it really fair to cherish the latter when the first three types did not make the choice to have a tendency to maybe be a little lazier? That maybe they didn't have the same kind of upbringing and hence became complacent or something?

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Church Lurch

Going into Christianity was a sort of 'let's try it and see what happens' thing. Of course if you want to romanticize the statement it would be more like 'exert that little faith, and open your heart to Jesus'.
I was careful to tell myself that it would be insincere and inaccurate to keep any 'safety's on. That is, to erase any misgivings, and accept certain essentials (such as the existence of Jesus) without questioning incessantly. A year later and I'm reminded that it started out as, quite crudely, a little 'adventure'. Of course, it was much more serious than just going to church making friends and singing hymms. I was thinking a lot. A lot a lot a lot. And after truly accepting for a year, its almost a sort of 'control' experiment that I'm doing precisely the opposite and having 'a little adventure' outside of Christianity again.

The simple answer of my current views will likely prove utterly dissatisfying to the reader. 'I. Don't. Know.' It's a little lazy (I need a break from all this existential stuff ok!) but sufficiently justified, at least in my opinion. The short story is that very unfortunately, it is very unclear who is right, and no I can't be bothered for now really. And though it is rather ad hominem, the general trend is that Christians in my class are nice people, possess good attitudes, but very under-read (and sometimes seem disturbingly brainwashed), whilst the atheists can be judgmental, but not unjustified, given that they seem to be the smartest and most well-read in the class. (It is debatable that any of these attributes can be evidence. For one thing truly believing you will be condemned to an eternity of hellfire and burning sulfur should you slack in character can be a pretty good motivator, and possessing world-ly knowledge and smarts could be a catalyst for arrogance, a deterrent to faith) A highly polarized class is not helping. A highly polarized society is not helping. Highly polarized parents are not helping. For now at least, I'll be roaming the unexplored and desolate middle-ground.


All around me there was a wall of fog. It was not a solid barrier able to knock, but a mysterious a threatening aura. It said don't come any closer, I said don't come any closer. Was it not within this fog when I could think calmly? An an eye of a hurricane? And how so; can one proceed in without first understanding the maelstrom's nature? For it is furious but magnificent as anything could have been if it had that specific potent mix of power and unsettlement.


FOO BEATLES?? WHAT?? HUH WHO? Feel that the album version brings out the awesome guitar riff better. (a bit of a duh, but their performance is dam good too)

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

No thank you, romanticized arguments

Professor : You are a Muslim, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

My Short Response

 1. It is not 458 Degrees below Zero, for Celcius its 273.15, for Farenheit its 459.67, :D
2. Evolution is a theory developed via the observance of certain phenomena such as Darwin's Finches, the coloring of moths under smog conditions, and bacterial resistance to anti-biotics. It is at least more observable than creationism, or God, for that matter.
3. We can trust that the brain of the professor exists because we know that species that look like him have a brain from dissection and post-mortem experimentation, we therefore infer that he has a brain as it is more likely that he has one than he doesn't. It is impossible to sample the entire human population and check that have a brain. This is not exactly faith, per se, depending on your definition from it. Neither does science say he has no brain, rather, it is unproven. But of course science cannot be entirely proven, it can only be proven more or less.
4. Of course, arguing there is no duality brings the question of why God is absent in the first place? The theological answer is that we push him away. Of course, this will end up into a longer argument, but the point is that the student makes a straw-man argument by attacking his premise (that ends up irrelevant, as above)

Always carry a salt-shaker with you.


Monday, 7 May 2012


Strolling through the streets of Istanbul,
Watching the flow of Burqas and Levi's
Cycling along the avenues,
I whizzed past stalls of handicraft in Timbuktu

Showering golden leaves and sunlight
Winding around the Great Lakes
Atop a van of fellow travelers
Letting the calm Ontario breeze tickle

And trekking through the Andes
Down narrow passes, up steep crevices
What a sight to behold!
Oh! A sight only travel can bestow...

~Inspired by this song, was used, very appropriately I might add, for a Emirates advert.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

2 hours to sunrise

So much I want to talk about, so much I want to relinquish. The responsibility of this outspoken self.

I feel much clearer now; could be the coffee, could be the time. Just this silence, I want to bask in it. But no, its not complete silence - the dark, ominous creep of a building's storeroom, or the sealed, desperate, desolate corridors that run length across basements and concrete. Its ambient silence. The cool, and unambiguous kind. When the stars and streetlamps are lit dimly but warmly, as if they were there just to keep you company and remind you that even in silence you are not isolated from civilization, albeit a sleeping, and more importantly, uncaring one. When you hear the crickets or the drizzle (but never both, for that is nature's way of balancing the volume). As the south eastern sea breeze blows, as my stand fan spins in protest...

6.00 Wake up
7.45 SAT begins
12.50 SAT ends
1.30 Reach home, lunch
2.20 Vesak Day photography
3.20 Rest and game
5.20 Shower, change, rush off to City Hall
6.40 Mad rush to Singapore Conference Hall with YZ, XY and Eric
7.00 Alfred's CO performance, he does a kick-ass solo.
9.20 Show ends after 3 encores (I kid you not, these people, and alfred especially, are popular!!)
10.20 Spontaneously decide to watch Avengers at midnight, having arrived back in Katong with YZ and XY.
11.10 Supper and Pool
12.40 Avengers!
2.50 A great show ends!
3.30 Reach home...

And I couldn't be happier. (Despite the epic fail SAT sitting)
I used to think that true spirituality can only be obtained through religion. Well in my most earnest opinion, the paradigm doesn't apply anymore. No, in fact it didn't apply even before. This blog, has always been a source of spirituality too.

And off to bed... because its 2 hours to sunrise. I wish I could stay and say more. But I guess... really I just wanted to record this day down. Really awesome Primary School friends... always.

Friday, 4 May 2012


I am deeply exhausted by the sample essays I've read so far on the SAT study guide online. My classmate told me, rather optimistically that the American examiners are open and essays will not be marked based on any sort of structure. However it seems to me that most of the essays that garnered full marks often quote literature and personal anecdotes as examples, and follow an expository, one side one stand structure. This is rather against my beliefs as I am rather skeptical that 'truth' and 'wisdom' can be rationally obtained from literary writers who have innate bias-ness. To put it quite simply, books that are romanticized as truly portraying the 'human condition', do not impress me at all. Rather, learning from history and current affairs is the way to go for me. Personally, no anecdote of any individual should be considered a true and critical analysis of the 'human condition'. What a small sample size you're concluding from! And by God, from popular fiction! Granted, it is derived from observation and experience of real humans, but are these value judgements not magnified through an author's subjective lens?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Slimming Adverts

I'm not just talking about the rubbish and de-grading shit they put on newspapers where overweight women are likely forced to look sad in the 'before' picture and then suddenly super happy in the 'after' picture.

I thought Colgate was bad enough with their utter nonsense of scanning people's teeth outside crowded schools to random passer-bys and saying every other brand causes plaque. But it was borderline amusing anyway.

But no. London Slimming has to come up with the most terrible, pissing advert of all.
Can't find a youtube video but its airing on TV if you want to see it.
Advert is apparently a 'true story' of some woman whom, after giving birth, becomes a little overweight and then starts talking about her husband joking about her figure and she was 'honestly hurt'. Attaching negative connotations to child-bearing and already degrading women into emotional, superficial people who are hopelessly obsessed with their weight so they clearly have to dedicate their lives to their savior London Slimming who died for their fats.Why the fuck did you hide your feelings from the father of your child in the first place?? Is this how you're going to bring up your kid??
So London Slimming changes her life forever cause her friends asked her to go and she lost xxKG.
I haven't even started on something called EXERCISE, BITCH. How can your husband love you for who you are if you can't do it for yourself? I'm being very mean but honestly in this case, the natural way, to work your muscles and watch your nutrition, is the best. You don't need a body-builder figure. You need FITNESS. And we're better than the poachers who feed on our insecurities.

Suddenly Singaporeans are too busy to exercise?? I find that very dangerous thinking. For one thing, although its not easy, you shouldn't be tank-ing a job that forces you to work so long you don't even have time to do sit-ups.

I might get lambasted for apparently taking an irrational, emotional stand on this. Yes sure slimming centers are there to 'help people' with their self-confidence. AND PERMISS THEIR LAZINESS.

I need to continue working on my presentation, so no time to really work out my thoughts on this. (Finding it ironic that I just talked about having no time to exercise? Well frankly exercise is way more important than coherent blogging.)

Indescribably awesome. 50% of the reason why I bought Wasting Light. (40% to Walk, Arlandria, 10% to FF in general)