Monday, 20 January 2014


Along a shore in the soft lit morning
And barefoot on the shiny sand
A seabreeze catches your shirt
And the salty air in your eyes hurt

I want to cry out in dismay
At how the waves stay calm each day
When the world around it breaks
When my world around it shakes

Making footprints as I go
I will bow my head down low
Instead Ill walk on and on
Ill shut up and carry on

Hands in pockets feeling the chill
Ill take it though the task is uphill
And though I did no wrong
Ill shut up and carry on

Friday, 17 January 2014

Some time

Holy crap I deleted a poem I wrote on my phone by accident. Notes not having undo is terrible.

Leapt across a chasm 
In a barren misty place 
Nobody saw nobody wept 
Just me and the ambient 
Dreamy and free like the windscape 
A palace of me and the world 
Threw caution from judgement and calmly 
Danced and tiptoed in the grey evening 

Should transfer my notes over - if only blogging were that simple - an app that could record offline with ease and then auto upload as soon as there's internet connection.

Runescape had an inherent simplistic beauty in its music and its atmoshere that i love with great nostalgia.
No 3G in my ocs bunk is a real bummer. 

Monday, 13 January 2014


An alto on the inside

 Still plagued by the demons, or were they?

How common you can't tell without comparison. Crossed the boundaries not set by professionals, who could tell, who to kid? Poetry was an excuse born out of despair, justifying lost time and control. Had nights out this evening but decided to stay in. Just took a psychological beating like a girl just and you start to wonder if im supposed to be a guy who just finished teenhood and ocs. All the pent up rage of others and myself especially all the free time... And the dirty toilet led me to the only reasonable action i could take with 2 hrs of spare admin time - clean the toilet with music playing. I can testify it was really annoying havin lost my iphone playlist so i just went for an album - paramore's epogynous one. I had a lot of weird looks from fellow cadets who stayed back and i have to be honest i wasnt sure how to answer the whys. Trying to play hero? Trying to book out earlier with less cleaning to do? (Not like they bother) or is washing the toilet somehow therapeutic...?

Stumbled across 
Laden with debt 
Shadow leading 
Spirit in step 

Across the room
Guilty in dark 
Wandering anxiety 
Biting erratically 

Cant swallow down 
The pills of pride 
Instead i hide 
Bittering my stride 

 Afraid to admit
 Eager to write 
Wanting honesty 
Found wanting myself

Wednesday, 1 January 2014

A new year in poems

I like to surprise people, or turn their heads to the unexpected, unannounced and neglected.
What was my biggest achievements? What really made me feel, just a little bit alive. Writing of course.
The poetry that few people see... and perhaps out of my own choice too.
We all like to think we are victims of some sort. But I hate that arrogant streak. Yet I can't shake it off.

Everyone's got that 'group'. The friends that need you as much as you need them. Where are mine? Or is it that feeling of waking up and realizing how it's already too late? What then? Nobody posts about their solo adventures. Because that's just it. And so maybe there are so many others like me, who spent the new year's, sort of well alone.

I will keep at it. I don't ever want to lose. That touch of difference. I'm not like my brothers, or my friends, or anyone. I'm uncool.. and I'm proud.

A year in green

One full year in the army and I have discovered so much about myself.
Or re-discovered.
Or uncovered... and still no closer to what the protagonist in kite runner found - redemption. A way out.
A way forward.

Bleak, dark.
Lost for words when it's time for them.
Like the moment has passed.
Poetic Inspiration.
They say some of the great poets and inventors always kept a notepad with them, in case of that moment.
The moment just before bed, or staring out the window.

Years came and went like this.
I amble on.

Thoughts on swords and games.
The question is did I have someone to spend new years with, and squandered it.

I wish I had the courage to post and not be frightened by judgement.
Why am I so defensive?
We all know the answers but we don't know or don't want the solutions.