Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Ich Bin Ein Berliner

Off to Germany

Saturday, 26 November 2011

So not free

So sorry

Monday, 21 November 2011

Strangers like me

Today I woke up with a hunger to talk and a burst of social energy. Perhaps God knew it was a school day. So having been disappointed by the canceling of a spontaneous movie outing, I headed home, after talking to Ben about ImprovEverwhere and how I enjoy having a nice conversation with strangers at times.

Well lo and behold whoever is up there is watching and I met a VS guy planning to appeal into RJ on the way home with Joshua and we had a nice long chat about it. It didn't stop there, heading to the new Bedok bus interchange, I met a person whom asked for a dollar to take the bus. Surprise surprise he happens to be an ex-Rafflesian and we talked about random stuff ranging from housing prices to Christianity. Well well interesting person I would say (ARGH WHY AM I TALKING LIKE KWANG IK) A little queer coming from his loudness in public (and bravery I might add, being able to talk up other random strangers on the way home), and his constant pacing while waiting for the bus. Though let me get back, the christianity part is definitely what most interests me.

So as it turns out, he used to be from Montfort Sec, a catholic school, was president of Youth Christian Movement or something. And... now an atheist. (By the way Kwang Ik if you're reading he was from Adventure Scouts and Interact) Hearing that I was a Christian, he subtly tried to direct my thoughts. First recommending a book called 'why I'm not a Christian', then bringing up random trivia like 'millions of people live on a dollar a day, is God fair?'.

Well guess what mister, God isn't. For now. Coincidentally, I've just read a little about this in Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis. He's not interested in your actions but your spirituality. Jesus lauded a women for giving 2 coins, all she had, to a church, in comparison with a rich jew who gave a thousand, a small fraction of his fortune. He brings up many parables of God exalting the meek, for trying their best, nothing more. He gave one king riches and an empire, another, stripped of all possessions. It seems unfair to humans, duh. But ultimately, we, as immortal beings, are judged and salvation given to those who have gave everything, laid down their lives for Jesus. So if a Somalian believes in Jesus, starves to death, but receives salvation, is it not a far better deal than earning the riches of the world, only to lose it all in the depths of hell?

In fact, I am probably worse off than this Somalian, having been born so fortunately in Singapore, with a proper upbringing and decent standard of living. So think again, if fairness is communism, then by golly God is unfair. But no, he is just. He never asks of anything more than what you can give.

'Better is bread with a happy heart, than wealth with vexation.' -Amenope (by the way this person is an ancient Egyptian and not a Christian)

Well lets talk about this strange character I met again. So he was an engineer, now works in Insurance, is unmarried and 57, says 'in Singapore, everyone is for himself/herself', and began introducing himself by talking about all the important people in his batch and all the people he knows. So you get the rough idea? NO. That's right, I'm not going to judge. This person is wise and has obviously gone through a great much. Why should I condemn his views or shove mine onto his? To some extent, I believe he thinks me of a wishy-washy optimist, so be it. In fact, it is heartening to see a man talking to strangers like that (when I praised him for his bravery he said with an unsurprised tone 'learnt it from America and europe') It is curious that he asked me for money when he believes in general no one in Singapore would give or trust.

So do talk to a stranger given the chance, because people are more open and similar than you think, and it makes for a good story to tell.


Tuesday, 15 November 2011


Civ V is pretty addictive. It actually got me off Facebook. And the game knows it. When you achieve victory they will give you two options: 
Exit to Main Menu
Yes I'm serious, that's the options they give hahahaha.
Back then, I didn't really have a problem with that. Sure I love going out with friends and all, but hey, being alone at home wasn't bad. Now though I'd be "OMG I'M PATHETIC I HAVE NO FRIENDS D:" Heh. First world problems. But still... Civ V... zomg :D
But you know what, perhaps there is an unhealthy stereotype of gamers out there. As my friend Jeremy was saying in his OP script about Autism Spectrum Disorder kids, "They're just normal people, like you and me." xD
There is one thing that breaks the gamers' stereotype, a skill of some sort. 
Eww this guy just plays Dota all day, o wait he knows guitar?? O man cool guy. 
:/ A little sad. Never mind. I'm uncool and I'm proud.


Some quotes from the game (Researching techs and building wonders will trigger specific quotes)
()We have guided missiles and misguided men ~Martin Luther King Jr
(Biology)If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't ~Lyall Watson
(Atomic Theory)The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe ~Albert Einstein
(Archery)The haft of the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagle's own plumes. We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction ~Aesop
(Banking) Happiness: A good bank account, a good cook and a good digestion. ~Jean Jacques Rousseau
(Civil Service) The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency. ~Eugene McCarthy
(Economics) Compound interest is the most powerful force in the universe. ~Albert Einstein
(Flight) Aeronautics was neither an industry nor a science. It was a miracle. ~Igor Sikorsky
Oops went a bit overboard.
(Construct Big Ben) To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time. ~Leonard Bernstein
So many more.. must... keep.... playing... urgh :X


These few days of sitting at home, replying the sporadic text, drinking chocolate milk, managing cities, reading and listening, etc. These few days of staying personal, and how joyful and sorrowful that I am closer to God when away from sinful men.


You thought I'd post something Coldplay? NAHHH I LIKE TO MESS WITH YOU.

Friday, 11 November 2011


OP ended. Well, one would see this:

But I would see this:
No more bonding with groupmates. The last milestone of school has ended, no more school, no more seeing friends on a regular basis :/

So there you have it, since young, I've enjoyed school because I love friends and perhaps you don't realize it, but the most grueling projects, the most infuriating teachers, the most difficult subjects, they bring us all together.

I've said my piece. The holiday season is here.


Class outing was a blast! Haha well 9 hours doing something as a class is no mean feat by our standards and I think it really means something. That people are willing to put in this amount just for the class. And my China bike didn't die from Changi Village and back yay :D
Cheers to 12S06E
P.S sorry marcus lol


In other news. Bought Mylo Xyloto, Rush of blood to the head and Viva la Vida (Comes with Prospekt March) at HMV in one go. Bwahahahahaha

But maybe that's not the important part. The important part is that my good friend accompanied me (and sadly did not find his Queen shirt). Very tocuhing aww. Thanks KI


Sorry, really tired after class outing, and I have to go back to East Coast tomorrow to collect my friend's trapped stuff in the locker xD



Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

When you share music, share a youtube video, share a quote. Do it because you want to convey the message. Do it because it is an amazing inspiration, a good laugh, a soothing tune. Not because you want to be a hipster.

Honestly, I have to keep telling myself that. I wonder if in all my arrogance and showboating, a dark cynicism had manifested - that people all carry this flaw of showing off. Of wanting to be the first to tweet that, knowing some underground music people haven't heard of, spouting trivia, sharing random 'expert' tips.

And because I am aware of it, and because it was so difficult to correct, I decided to re-enter my lonely castle, just so that I will stop sharing for the wrong reasons. I decided, also, that I was just too afraid of being wrong, that my trivia would be beaten, that I am just inferior.

Paul said in Philippians that despite some Christians mere sharing the gospel in competition, in rivalry and jealousy (I've converted X number of people, how many have you brought to God eh?) and not out of love, he rejoiced, because as long as the message stayed true, that the word, that scripture was not compromised. Then why should we be concerned?

Still. It eats me, I hate that anger. I hate this bestial competitiveness inside.
Just moments ago, I saw someone post that Vimeo video of 'Mountain'. Husain shared it on his blog and I thought it was so awesome, extremely wonderful. (Thanks Husain) And then all of a sudden my photog seniors and friends all start commenting "Woah so wonderful! Good find! This is aamzzzinggg". And I couldn't help it, and I hate it, that the nasty thought 'wtf I found it first' just immediately sprang in my head. Why is it that I seek so much attention and likes and comments huh? That video, is just worth sharing with people, and I did share because of that! Btw the vid I'm talking about: http://vimeo.com/22439234 Go watch if you haven't its really spectacular! Full Screen and blast the Nuvole Bianche!

I rarely share anything on Facebook though. Or be the first to share. I just feel undue. I feel that maybe, someone out there was like me, and I know how he feels, when say one person shares, and everyone pays no attention and the next moment this popular kid shares, he gets a thousand likes. Its why I have so few actual photographic shots on Facebook.

So I'll keep to this policy of quiet sharing (trivia, songs, etc.). To just show you I'm sincere about it. So what if I get credit or not.


I was told not to post anything Photog related. Woops.


Do you see someone acting out? Do you see someone telling cliché joke? Do you see a similar photo you've taken before? Do you see that person getting way more appreciation than you?

Do you see someone treating others differently from you? Do you see someone getting compliments for traits you have? Does it irk you? Will you shy away or protest? My OP topic is bullying, believe me when I say I know how it feels.

Take a popular person A. Take a friend B. What if you're friends with A, and you seem to click quite a bit.? What if friend B seems to give you a colder shoulder? A weaker smile? An unexcited conversation? But completely opposite when talking to A? Sometimes even when talking about. The. Exact. Same. Thing. And you just wonder, what is it you've done? What impression did you give? You just can't help but feel insecure. Guess what, its called relational bullying.

They say you can't be friends with everyone. That's true if it was pretty obvious why. (Maybe he's just a Republican and you're a Democrat) But given the above scenario, you just can't help but ask why can't you be better friends with B when B seems to cozy up to A so well, and A has similar mannerisms, characteristics, tastes, as you. Why is it, that they just don't want to engage you.

Why is it that people can't let go of their impressions.

But what is all the fame in the world, compared to having a relationship with God through Jesus? Tell me, what does the emptiness feel like compared to just knowing, that you're truly loved and justified by the Lord? Matthew 16:26 (Also quoted by Clarence on his blog):
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?

Title of the post is from (as I'm sure everyone knows) Mr Brightside ~ The Killers


Its been a long time since I had a proper, raw post like that.
Bryan Lum intro-ed
I enjoy the mellowness, a bit less pop, less mainstream Coldplay. Just pure, soothing listening. Lyrics are meaningful too. Btw I looked it up and the title has nothing to do with the song lol. Chris just wrote it while in Amsterdam

Monday, 7 November 2011

Gonna re-write

Don't care going to re-write.

The music I posted was weird at worst and meaningful at best.
The first part goes
I could stick around and get along with you, hello.
It doesn't really mean that I'm in to you, hello.
You're alright but I'm here darling to enjoy the party
Don't get excited 'cause that's all you'll get from me, hey
Yeah, I think you're cute, but I really think that you should know
I just came to say hello.

The song played for Audio Mob too


What I don't write I imply, either way I'm honest.


Audio Mob recollection
Bonding with 6E and other random VS and RJ friends yay :D
Didn't get to know everyone from RJ who came! Boo :(
Ok that summed it up


I was watching Criminal Minds and the villain had a disorder about obsessing over a girl who gave him glances, gestures, hints. Just sayin~


I do not crawl back into my cave. No. None of us live in caves. We live in castles and citadels, things we built ourselves. Filled with things we treasure and our music pervading the halls, filling the chambers of empty spaces to fill with more. Light spews in through the stained windows rising above the throne room, and I sit there, contemplating. 

Got to let Jesus take the seat


Don't. Rush. Things

I just came to say hello

My brother used to blast this song while he was still in Singapore for Summer

Eh wt fuck. Blogger deleted my whole post because apparently I logged in somewhere else.

Saturday, 5 November 2011

A Year

There's so many things to post about these few days. Where do I begin? What do I title it? The strange moments when I'm blessed with both time and thought. Thank you God.


So be it physical tiredness, mental exhaustion or social weariness, I step back a little. I flip the switch from proactive to reactive. That's enough for me. Time to reconsolidate my life.


Vengeance, laziness, judgement. Let there be none.


One of my friends just used my other friends phone to mess with me. You know, the usual display-affection-all-of-a-sudden. Usually its sending something really outrageous that has to do with... coitus but this one was not, and was a constant stream of mushy messages and replies that couples send each other. Knew in my head it was just a prank (I mean, duh. No one sane would send me that for real) but that's not the point. The point is that, sometimes. I just wish someone would actually send me things like that. And it was fantastic to just pretend in that moment like I had a chance with anyone. Don't we all feel the same need to be wanted? The point is that I'm still, despite the mannerisms and the restraint, a hopeless romantic. But no I will not fall easily as the last time.


Mr Low is leaving VS. A bunch of us Rafflesian Victorians went back to give him a card from all of us and just pay him a visit before he leaves I guess. He was really open with us and talked to us on a very matured level about the school, new IP track, discipline, etc. It was just awesome to put it in youth lingo terms. To put it in my terms, it was real, sincere, meaningful, insightful. A bittersweet visit, I sensed that he was really touched. So were we hearing him speak and reconfirming our trust, our respect, our admiration for this great leader. So long.


Can you sense me? Can you feel me? Can you ever know the experience, the sleepless nights, the considerations that I go through into my views, my attitude, my actions? But let me not forget that every fellow person has done the same.


Jesus is Lord and Saviour.


Singapore experiences no physical winter, but at times, a spiritual winter happens. During the holidays, when school's off, and there's no clear direction, and appointed time to meet your friends in some ways, life becomes a daze. A contemplation and a stupor as I go through each day. Achieving nearly nothing but learning everything. Omg Jaren you're right my writing has become really obscure.


I have Scrabble on my family's iPad. There is reason to live yet.


A year on and what have you done? A step closer to adulthood and where has your life taken you?


Eragon (& sequels)
Chronicles of Narnia (& sequels)
Mere Christianity (& equivalents)
Rock Band 3 (& RHCP online package)
Sim City 4 (& Expansion)
Total War (Napolean and others)
Civilization V
Friends :x
New Tripod, Flash Gun
All Coldplay Albums, misc. other songs.


You can't sustain a post over a few days

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

84CK 2 SQU4R3 1

Such an amalgamation of emotions. Does a dearth of sleep cause or reveal them?


H1MT. Is over. Chinese culture, is far from it. Despite that I don't plan to take it in the future, I plan, to never let go of my roots. Especially if I manage to study overseas.


This omnibus one post many segments broken by dotted lines thing, came from nowhere, and now pervades my posts. This is a small analogy to how I direct my life sometimes. Did you know? The decision making part of your brain, is actually, in the inner-most layer, the feelings, the emotions, the guts, the irrational. Yup. Pragmatic decisions? Get real, people follow a leader for his inspiration and not his structured arguments. Granted, they do matter, but for me, I believe in spontaneity at its core. And the ability, the necessity, to just try things, based on gut feelings and instincts and intuition, stumbling is natural. But sometimes, it just makes life that much more worth living, exciting, and new. Do you really need a reason, for every single thing? Must every idea, or ideal be torn apart, based on past failure? Based on practicality?


I'm back, in my cave. Going to need a new tripod and external flash for the darkness. (No I'm serious, I'm getting both of em soon.)


You think I do not have my doubts? Of course not. But what are doubts to miracles and wisdom?


Marcus was tired of chinese text, so I had not choice but to post. He kidnapped my family you see. Also AOE3 at Zaki's house with him (and Zaki, obviously) was extremely, simply, just fun. :) I'd prefer it to LAN shops anyway. But no time to rant about those dark, loud, profanity-ridden places. Oh wait.


This is not boasting, but what a cruel fate that I love the humanities, and I think more than the sciences, yet find myself only excelling in the latter? People ask me for grades, I tell them. Then they triumphantly exclaim: "AHA so the A is GP or Economics right?" The Jeopardy buzzer sounds and 我怯声怯气地回答: No its Mathematics. (I need not continue to mention their utter astonishment when my only B is not GP or Economics, but Physics) The alarm on their face bespeaks the painful predicament of passion ≠ prominence. And I disappointingly crawl into my little shelter, watching the Chinese Scholars and students from Chinese speaking homes celebrate their As, Bs and Cs.

Yes! Jealousy! What can I say? Do I lie? No. God. Hates. Lying. (But loves the Liars, I do add) And I confess I am sinful, weak and a disappointment.


If the eyes are the window to the heart then lyrics are the words of a song. Anti-climax :P
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
So get back back back to where we lasted!
So we were an accident, you were my favourite one.
Out on the main streets completing your mission.
Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, telling me what a fool I've been
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on.
Can you let me try? Tell me its alright! Just for one night! (Yes Jaren, listen to some He is We now haha)
Shoulders toes and knees, I'm 36 degrees
You'll never change what's been and gone


I type this for the first time while on my bed.
I realize these:
1. I am sitting on my bed, with sheets of faint pink.
2. There are numerous soft toys hanging around.
3. I am posting emotionally
I conclude:
I'm a lonely teenage girl. Also my nails are really pretty.
I remark: What the hell.
But then:
I turn and see The Victoria School Flag, given as a graduating gift.
I am currently listening to

(The Two Door Cinema Club song Undercover Martyn covered by Bucket of Six, a resident Rafflesian Rock Band sparked a mini-race car soundtrack phase)
I just did 6 pull-ups
Hence: Gender Stereotype Test Inconclusive.


So you might have noticed I changed the picture, well it was about time and anyway am going to use that picture for a competition so heck just change. And because this photo ain't as nice I decided to change the bottom one too! (Yes the bottom has a picture, it usually is just the last picture at the top but since I'm removing it for competition...) Its just three shots I took in the Physics Lab, during Physics Lab session... and then Adobe Lightroom-ed the hell out of each one bwahahaha.
This is the last one I took.