Paranoia

I am known to be a scaredy-cat.

I've turned out to be a pretty paranoid person and it helps sometimes, others it becomes a liability.

Well... my blog isn't exactly dead, its just that.
1. I'm pretty busy having a blast.
2. I'm kind of paranoid of some keylogger on my comp ever since last week.

So yeah. Short post. A QUICKIE MARCUS

HACKED?

I am fucking screwed.

Facebook, most tumblr websites, a lot of other websites.
Error 101 (net::ERR_CONNECTION_RESET): Unknown error.

If you don't see me active online, you'll know why now.

On a private note, I visit 4chan sometimes for the pokemon pics and memes haha. Suddenly:

You have been permanently banned from all boards for the following reason:

"this makes me moist" to child porn

Your ban was filed on June 27th, 2010. This ban will not expire.

According to our server, your IP is: 218.186.11.233. The name you were posting with wasAnonymous.

Your appeal was reviewed and denied. You may not appeal this ban again.

WTF?

I never discovered 4chan until very very recently, like in October earliest. Does this mean I got hacked? Is there a keylogger? I just logged into blogger! Someone help me please. Please text or call, CBox also got error 101.

Some random facts (music)

I'm bored, so I'm going to list some of the most random or interesting facts of anything about my life to see what the response is! =D

Music (either on my playlist, or used to be, some songs that I want I couldn't get so this may not be accurate)

Longest name (in words) on my playlist (English): Black Suits Comin' (Nod ya head) - Will Smith [6 words]

Song with funkiest language: Praan -Gary Schman (Bangladeshi)

Approximate percentage of instrumentals/no lyrics songs: 70%

Song that has been on my playlist for the longest time: Breaking the Habit -Linkin Park (est.5¼ years)

Oldest song: Scarborough Fair - Simon & Garfunkel (1966)


Weirdest song title (subjective): Last name Cranelchabod <----wtf is this! @_@ -Kevin McMullan


And there you have it folks.

WHAT IS WITH THIS SONG THAT MAKES IT TOO AWESOME???
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The IC moodswing

According to DISC I'm some weird opposite blend. Hey that makes me a balanced person right? =D At time bah.

Other times, I just simply stray to the extremes of both ends. Argh, somebody please remind me when I'm in a mood swing to get my head straight. Almost inevitably I become a hypocrite interacting with different groups of people, particularly between age groups... Over my younger brother's age group I become some domineering arrogant bastard. To my friends I'm pretty normal and to adults I become slightly... err docile?

Its like, when interacting with higher status, I lower mine, and with lower status, I raise mine.

New resolution for next year bah.
1. No more pirating stuff.
2. No more shortchanging attitude
3. Exercise more? I actually haven't thought up to 3 new year's resolution yet lol. I don't usually do this every year.

A new day comes

Was it the warmth of the sun?
Was it a good nights sleep?
Was it the blog post?
Was it well wishes on my Cbox?
Or was it just realizing that, as I said in my post, I prefer a small group of my closest friends, and in that respect, I can achieve it.

Even though more than half the class is gone, I know there is still Sam, Jaren, Jin Xiang, etc around. The local crew haha.

Maybe I'm just slightly saddened that You Duen is going on a near perpetual holiday overseas.

And I know we don't have to say our goodbyes anymore. No. There's always facebook lol.

What is with this sudden mood change? I'm not pregnant >.>

The gloominess of the night has just washed away, because I know. I know that I can just pick up the phone and call some friends over, or go out and walk around. Why? CAUSE THE O LEVELS ARE OVER!

And to Bing Yu. Indeed, I'm so glad it happened!! I should just be thankful, and enjoy my break, don't think so much!! Learn something new maybe! Dang why my bro overseas I want learn skateboarding.

Life Goes On

And then there was VS

Left.

Even though the end of 'O's is a joyous occasion for many, I have mixed feelings.

Maybe you don't have classmates who don't stay in Singapore and have fun with you all the way, but for me, without them, its just not the same.

Its like 4D has lost part its flesh and blood, and the holes make the body a divided entity.

I know I should be celebrating, but the holiday is just one month. One month to an unknown future.

Its like the 'O' levels was a period of limbo, like we've officially left but not really physically. Now its really over, and I can't help but feel really depressed for some reason.

The whole feel of it, my life in VS. Everything I could do during the holidays just seems to dwarf in comparism...

Perhaps its as You Duen put it, superficial.

I don't feel attached to some of my 2D and Primary School pals. Not anymore, and not as much as I am to 4D.

It seems so superficial, as he says, not sincere, not deep, not matured, who am I to share these thoughts? Ryan Tan? Oh please. And he still has this notion of inviting millions 20 over people to my house for movie marathon/video games thing. Does he realize I will never fully enjoy these events? Does he realize I prefer a small group of my closest friends? That I prefer hugs to halo? That I prefer world politics to Wii Resort? (BUT WII RESORT IS AWESOME THOUGH... still, no one plays that much with me...)

I need this blog now, not more than ever, but badly still. Why do the people who seem to socially understand me closest have to be so physically far away.

I seem to be talking about 4D and VS at the same time and jumping in here and there randomly, well maybe because they are not different in any way. 4D was the best part of my life in VS, well maybe besides the choir. I'm not afraid of antagonizing any old pals anymore, because this is how I really feel, and this is my blog.

I'm not saying everyone else is bad. No, not Zaki, Marcus, Rifdi, Henry, Extra, a few more maybe.

I'm really confused right now. Maybe I'm just tired after 4D outing.

According to Maslow's law of Heirachy, I haven't satisfied my sense of belonging (which has kind of just been lost), so no pics and music, you know, under Aesthetic purposes which is above sense of belonging.

The timing of my family outing feels a bit off for me. From end Dec to Jan, meaning the end of the holidays, like I'm detaching myself from my friends... before it begins.

At least I have my companion D90... Emo = Art you know.

Random Post

Sooner or later everyone's going to have one.

Soo....

Did anyone notice I changed the blog title caption slightly about a month ago? Added extra phrase.

When emotions run wild

When you have just woken up, especially if you were drunk last night.
When your tired, especially after a terrible day at work.
When you're like me, and you have chosen a path of much solitude.
When you're like me, woken up earlier than everyone else on a quiet Sunday morning, lonely.

I advocate a lot lately, that just because you choose not to pursue a choice that leads to friends at the expense of something in you, it doesn't mean your anti-social. So I lived by it for a while.

I look back and I'm slightly confused, regretful even. All those times I chose to eat alone because I refuse fast food, all those times, are they wasted away without friends? Nearing the end of this year, it feels so much like it. I seemed to have forgotten my VS life was coming to a close, and I should make the most of my time with my friends, before I say goodbye.

It's not that I would give up a view, a stance, just to have friends. No, that's just like joining a gang, succumbing to peer pressure. Still, I cannot shake this feeling of loneliness. I just need one. One friend that will follow me.

I'm even mulling over my choice of 'a change in environment' thing right now. Do I really want to go to RJC? Possibly leaving all my friends forever? Of course, some might say its never forever, we'll always remember each other. Yes, remember each other, then. But we won't see each other through the times and things, the friendship may never be restored to its original state. I just wish, hope that at least one good friend will follow me. Don't make me give up my academic dreams, please.

I don't know if you can empathize with me. You didn't choose to go alone when no one else would.

I just... I just want to have so much fun with my friends now, before we all part. I'm so lonely, I wouldn't mind going out to watch a movie I dislike with Alif and Rifdi or something. This is probably exactly how I felt when I left Ngee Ann, just that I couldn't fathom it then, I didn't understand. I still miss all my Ngee Ann friends dearly, but they've changed, and I know that, but its still depressing. I didn't follow them, and now its like I don't know them. Will this happen when I leave VS? Undeniable. You know the answer.

But

All this happens, in the wake of Aung San Suu Kyi release, and I am deeply humbled. I shouldn't fear change, or progress. I'm just afraid, of leaving where I belong, into the great unknown future. Even after two decades of detention, this woman still holds on to her mantras closely. I wondered why she even got a Nobel Peace Prize, now I understand. What will happen to me? Will I change? Forget? What happens when I leave, 4D, will I ever find such a like-minded class ever again?

And all this while, Keane's Everybody's Changing just rings and plays in my lonely head.

How I spend my solitude sometimes. In my childhood? Building lego cities. Now, Sim City 4. I like the myriad of music in the game, it suits the different themes of a city atmosphere, from jazz and bossa nova to techno and electric. A 'life goes on in a bustling city' feel and the 'fast paced development' feel. This is the latter. Why no sim city 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????? Will Wight LEFT DAMMIT.

Thank you 4D SO LATE SO SORRY

In case you were wondering, the order of the friends are somewhat by when we 'established ties' first, but I can't remember clearly so its all jumbled up. At one point in an effort not to leave anyone out I'll go by register number

Especially for 4D, I want to write nearly the same thing for everyone, THAT ALL OF YOU ARE AWESOME. Yet repeating vocabulary will not do good in the near future, which has an 'O' level English paper.

Hendrik
For being the friend I can disagree with, but a great friend nonetheless

Wei Chung
For versatility in knowledge, from politics to cameras, that makes you the most awesome guy to have a conversation with

Jun Yew
For beating time, lending a listening ear and being the like-minded friend I always look forward to seeing everyday

Xuan Jie
For friendly competition as a deskmate, and plain friendliness and when I say friendly, I mean possibly friendlier than the Thais

Nguyen (Wind)
For being EVIL INDUSTRIALIST with me lol, being the friend I can work with anytime

Darius
For tolerating me haha I know I'm pretty annoying. but more than that, for being the person peer leaders everywhere should be like

Mani
For your spiritedness and great insight in any subject

Bhagirath (Bhagi)
For being unafraid in expressing your views and practicing what you preach

Amrit (Amy?) haha
For being a skilled debater and good friend, you might have touched something in me that is giving me thoughts of becoming a debater myself

Pinak
For your perseverance and outspokenness and though others may put you down, your courage which I admire

Rama
For being you and only you, a uniquely lovable person

Saw
For being 'best friends' with me I'll never forget

Jia Lok
For everything. By everything, I mean literally, all the times we've been through together, nearly every subject and in the same boat that Mdm Ow deemed as the most stressed people in VS haha, I only wish I could give back more to you, DESKMATE

Khanh (Max)
For your sense of humour and being a great monitor

Amirul
For being so upright, decent, diligent, intellectual, you name it, there should be an idiom called 'all work and all play make Amirul an awesome monitor'

Samuel Wee (Jackson)
For being the RS friend I longed for haha, but other than that, also a good friend in my life

Mai Than Nhan (Alex)
For showing me that scholars can be just as aesthetic as academic

Ravi (Kumar)
For being the 'cool' guy, always calm, always hardworking, always awesome

Pisek (Palm)
For appreciating my lameness where many wouldn't

Jirawin (Win)
For adding even more flavour to the already aromatic Thai group!

Justin
For DOMO YAYYYYYY, oh and you of course, of course your more important err whudd OK Serious part for being the friend who thought me how stupid I was to associate all sportsman with Daniel, standing up for what you think is right and showing me the true meaning of hardwork

Marcus
FOR DOMMOO TOOO
For being the awesome friend who laughs, cries or makes an entertaining expression at my jokes, and like your brother, righteousness and hardwork

Calvin
For being a uniquely awesome classmate!

Jetanat
For making me laugh non-stop!

You Duen
For giving your insight and shaping my perspective on many issues

Nithi (Bank)
For being smart, sporty and sincere

Josiah
For being whacky but brilliant in your subjects

Gerard
For being calm and collected all the time, maybe helping me when I have too much coffee

Natdanai (Game)
For insulting Alex with me patiently teaching me and helping everyone else in the class too, your the best welfare secretary I've seen!

Jin Xiang
For sharing lame jokes and table tennis rounds

Ahn Tuan (Victor)
For being a like-minded gamer and student at the same time

Jaren
For listening and engaging in the most interesting discussions, and bringing your own flavour into them

Yong Kiat
For showing me I still have a long way to go before becoming a polite person =D

Hoang (John)
For SOMEHOW always playing with me during floorball lol!

Adrian
For gradually becoming my good friend, I wish I knew you sooner!

Nhat Thang (Ken)
For embodying the principle of being wise without talking

Boiling Point

You know a show called boiling point on TV where they make random people tolerate extremely annoying situations and give them a time limit to tolerate it? Should they pass they get $100 and the revelation they were on the show?

I've been tolerating my new neighbour's 'pets' for over 3 weeks now, so can I get my $100 please? 


Why? Let me tell you why.


*Walks past neighbours house without even looking* "BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK...."

*Sits in front garden reading newspaper* "BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK...."

*About to fall asleep for afternoon nap* "BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK...."


*At 12 midnight* "BARK BARK BARK BARK + CLING CLANG CLING CLANG (hitting its metal dish)


*At 7.00am, sound asleep after late night ventures* "BARK BARK BARK + Cock-A-Do-Da-Doo (Neighbour also has chickens <---wtf.)


*Walks in backgarden to stretch* "BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK...."


And you know what the fucked up part is? My neighbour doesn't seem to give a shit the dog likes to give it at random places though. After patiently requesting they control their dogs, they responded politely and said they were... yet all this while I don't see them doing ANY FUCKING THING.


Oh, did I mention one of the family members smokes?


Argh... yet, I seem to be the only one in the whole dang neighbourhood who is affected. Sensitive hearing? Or just have this ability to hear only noise and annoying sounds? Guess it doesn't help my room is right next to the dogs at the back.


Now there's also construction works at the back of my house. I need a rageguy comic for this.

Helvetica?

Listening to this old song. Not catchy (since I don't speak Cantonese) but just nice? I'm not talking sense. Sleep Deprived

Slacker

I'm a really lazy person when it comes to revising. I hardly do any at all, especially if I know most of it.

I never actually bother to fill in the gaps and so far that hasn't come back to bite me in the butt yet.

I don't even know if when I finally cannot breeze through exams without intensive studying I am concerned at all.

I never seem to give a damn if something goes wrong, as if I can justify my every action... I keep telling people to not make excuses... I'm a real hypocrite. When am I ever going to fall and get back up? Will I be able to get back up? This post isn't going to help