Day in and day out

In a lull, in a daze. Everyday I stagger on, not in the sense that I'm depressive or in a bad mood all the time, in fact I'm pretty on in camp. No. But the purposeless-ness is killing me. The book outs are all wasted with no sense that I have to apply for university and scholarships.

Feel like writing some poems again...

I miss deep conversations. I don't feel truly deeply connected with anyone in my platoon yet. Not like my school friends.

I re-found my friend's blog. Hoo-rah!

It's late

I should be sleeping I know.
I know.

I may be on about NS but I treasure all the time I have outside camp. The hazy lazy afternoons and the still nights. The coffee. Making me reflective.

Just played a few rounds of Dota 2.
I thoroughly suck at it.

The feeling is different.
The enjoyment is different. Am I even enjoying it?
Different games different pleasures... why do I always long for the lonely single players? Or the small groups? It's like an expression of my ambiversion. (as in ambivert, or both an intro and an extrovert or neither) An escape. A quiet place to think. That's why I just can't let go of all that game music in my playlists. I suspect they'll stay there for a long time.

I constantly wonder if the extroversion is a facade. And yet I only wonder that when I'm feeling introverted. And introversion has a lot to do with overthinking.

What is it then?

I miss the conversations with Gwyneth, those with Yan Mei, those with Clare.
Yeah they're all girls. No shit captain.

I miss the VS bloggers too, but I get to chat with them from time to time.

YZ and Xunny, always enjoy their company.

It's true that with less time, we treasure it more. I'm a hypocrite, a fraud, pretending that I understood everything about life already. Or maybe I do, and that it takes one that hasn't gone through it to understand it from the outside.

I still understand this though. That it's daytime somewhere else. That there's civil war somewhere else. And that the stars above, the night sky, the universe, is just vast but calm.

I should do more poetry.

Service for the country

Haven't posted in a long time (naturally) but I guess I still want the blog to escape a vegetative state and perhaps it's high time I start practicing proper english as well haha. And in just the first sentence I have made an ROS mistake (Run on sentence). Ah well.

My sergeants are relatively nice and I'm not saying that in a disrespectful manner but rather as appreciative of their kindness so far. They've been strict but fair, basically. Hopefully my platoon (and me) are mature enough to toughen up and be disciplined despite.

One annoying thing is the fact that people think I wayang when I say like I'm really enthusiastic for field camp or I want extra training or what. No one for example believes one can honestly be patriotic and not be brainwashed. Thoroughly cynical but understandable. Wasn't much of a problem when I was still in RJ or VS to say that sort of stuff. Different cultures I guess. But you know what I'd totally give my life for Singapore if needed to defend it. Even my commanders don't believe it completely that there are such people.

Really stressed out for US uni and scholarship applications; much more annoying than NS frankly.

Ragnarok

2012 was supposed to be the end after all, so perhaps this is the post-ragnarok, even after the nordic end of the world, the warriors always longed for peace.

I recall I once posted how there was actually no abject meaning to the new year. Winter did not suddenly stop; the earth did not pass some sort of solar systemic "pass go" if you will. But so much meaning is given to it, and it is with this 'cultural' significance that we celebrate. Some things, do not have to based on fundamental logic and science to be worth our time and reflection.

No less, I spent the countdown quite unplanned till a few days ago, at my good friend's house, playing a rather ubiquitous, un-extra-ordinary game of werewolf. Such is the beauty of the mixing of simple and grand events. He could have invited any of us any other day, and we ourselves could have turned up for other things, yet we stood by our ordinary plan to meet on an extra-ordinary last day of 2012. Even if we were not the closest of friends. (But I regard him as such of course)

Glad my helper/housekeeper/maid joined some neighbours for dinner, I think it meant a lot.

In unrelated, less emo news. I have somehow managed to burn most of my allowance. Today was because of a movie, adult fares and HMV Christmas sale.

I love all the quotes in Civ.

Tomorrow shall be my last coffee for a few days.

On FB as well: There was no astronomical or geological signature, no brilliant flash of a solar flare, no alignment of the planets or tectonics, only the symbolism that humanity gives itself. For some it passed in a whimper, as they were driving their train in extended hours, or their cab near countdown parties. For others, it was a short respite in a civil war-torn nation, or a sober realization that a year has passed and their country still faces crisis, be it a fiscal cliff, or corruption and women's rights. But for all, let it be a moment of new found hope for all their challenges. Happy new year everyone :)