Looking Up?

Nihilist
At the crossroads
Between keeping a little hope
Or throwing it under a rug
And pretending you've lost it all

Does humor lighten or veil
Despair and banality
Does it spring from lost fervor,
Passion, and energy?

Listening to progressive
But none in your own
Laughing it off as if
This was meant to be

I'm making all these changes, trying to improve my outlook. And I just wonder what happens if I lose the support that's my impetus. I wonder if I'll despair or be resilient. I wonder if I'll generate this apathy that those who fought the longest exhume. I'm... supposed to be doing uni apps; the truest real thing that will change after my life in NS.

I'm wondering why I didn't ask Xun Yi for some intro to J-Rock before, or why it didn't appeal to me then. But SCANDAL is good.

It's just too confusing being an ambivert. (Which spelling btw, doesn't register in blogger) You spend a month or a moment, loving the life by yourself, and somehow you thrive in introspection, or was it all just an illusion? The next month or moment, you cannot sit comfortably at home on a Sunday morning, you wonder why you're so lonely, and you get really chatty.

And I just fucking wonder if I'm really happy at all.