Something

What does it mean, to be both skinny, and asian?

I do feel judged, by my looks. Of course. this is natural, whether it is desirable doesn't matter, since I'm largely okay with being empiricist. But it does suck, no?

The only people whom I've really connected with, not given kind of 'you're wasting your time looks' (which is already weird in itself because it assumes I want to hook up with you or something when I really don't care if I just become a friend I can say hi to on Sheridan) are minority groups, it's honestly quite tragic. Somehow that's supposed o be okay though, and honestly it kind of is, since to some degree I observe and do compose myself to be so (that is, I be more of that friendly guy than anything else). But maybe it's that third dimension of power Gaventa is talking about - that I've already self-selected, self-constrained, and it sucks.

It's inescapable, because it depends on other people being woke kind of, and that doesn't happen especially in a fraternity party kind of environment, for real. It's all talking a little weird, and I am lonely and sad about it but also understand it very much, it's just a kind of paradox I've accepted and live with, because to talk more 'laymenly' would be to act, and not be myself, which I cannot really do.

I do like to make people laugh, and sometimes I do feel like Naruto in that sense that I'm being the class clown at my own expense.