"Writing is easy. All you got to do is cross out the wrong words." - Mark Twain
I started writing a short book a few months ago, and it has been really fun. Like, more addictive than playing video games, if you can believe it. It's probably not good, but it almost, doesn't matter? At least this time. I just wanted to have written. Perhaps the one good idea I will ever have, if it is even good. It's funny. It actually is a lot like the feeling of blogging. Like I'm saying something to the universe in the chance that someone will read it and find something. In this case, I hope they would be entertained. I wonder if there is some deep desire within me to be seen and heard, unconditionally. It feels very narcissistic, if I'm honest. But somehow, because I know it's probably going to be bad and nobody will read it, it becomes not narcissistic. I'm thankful that my older brother tried this too, I sometimes think he has a sense of freedom and agency that I lack at times. Or not even lack, just, self-conditioned, self-censored, like somehow my restraints protect me. All personalities, maladjustments, traumas, if you really want, learned behaviors, positive or negative, serve a purpose, as Dr. K says. I almost have to take how fun it is seriously, as I have begun to write even in transit or during mealtimes.
“The whole ‘What is me?’ thing, you know, how much of it is just training and repetition and am I just doing it to please my parents? But then, you know, I decided that actually, that’s all just a big f*cking cop out. Because if I can ask myself the question, then I can answer it for myself.” - John Stewart in Lanterns. I liked it!
