Life has to go on

"Human life occurs only once, and the reason we cannot determine which of our decisions are good and which are bad is that in a given situation we can make only one decision; we are not granted second, third or fourth life in which to compare various decisions." ~The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

I am reminded of what my roommate said before about the source of sadness. He shared his idea that sadness manifested in our dreams and imagination, He said our ability to contemplate what could have been, had we done this or that. is sadness. Perhaps he was inspired by book I quoted above and which he gave me as a present later.

I lived life happily then, if that were true, because I didn't look back, I took the imperfections as implicit in our decisions and circumstance. Life goes on, as Robert Frost puts it, perhaps tragically. But it's all really dramatic isn't it. Maybe it's summer that gets me in this mood more than winter for others. So much time and still no time.

It's painful to remember the fear in other people's eyes and behavior. When she sat across, when she leaned on me and then jerked away (maybe it was just my shoulder blades). Do you realize how painful that is? What is it that they're scared of? The answer I guessed is painful. You are left with a conundrum to put your best foot forward or share like they wanted you to.

It's always bitter sweet to watch a choir perform, because of the aforementioned fake-nostalgia-sadness-thing-that-my-room-mate-said. I'm reminded of the choices, not going to VJC where I would have been an assured Tenor, trying but failing to get into RJC's choir (and student council for that matter), writing my sad little goodbye (very dramatic, very pretentious) because I knew. I knew then that the people who carried on the tradition of singing would find themselves their family there, their happiness and identity, and I would walk away into the woods by myself, with my camera, and a pinch of angst.

But life has to go on.

It will. and I'll say it, with the rock and jazz playing in the background. It doesn't wait for us, time. It shoves on relentlessly with the others, churning the coincidences, and I can't wait.