Just Another Winter

An imbalance of chemicals in my bloodstream.

Last year, around the same time, the exact same (or very similar) thing.

But this is the harshness and beauty of the winter, or actually, the year's end, an arbitrary cosmological phenomenon with real artificial meaning. I have always known I'm exceptional. In a 'different' from other people kind of way. Part of the reason is an unforced error of instinct - the need to be contrarian, Nietzsche-like.

I have 7 minutes or so before my bus comes for me to move on.
Very dramatic isn't it? In the end though, I've always reverted to my favourite outlet - anger, music, and angry music. But also solemness and morality, because I know I couldn't be myself if I wasn't exceptionally, stubbornly ethical. It's obviously an arrogant thing to say, but I sometimes think other people, the more privileged perhaps, have never actually had to make an ethical decision. Such a decision is never the confluence of other good things, or selfish things and an ethical position. Such a decision only validates itself, 'strengthens' your ethical 'institutions' (throwing some poli sci here where the individual is the state) when they are diametrically opposed. When taking the hit is not what you want or what would benefit you short-term or superficially. But I know that for me, taking it has never been detrimental, nay it is what enriches my soul and have faith in my character.

And no, this isn't lying either, this is what I want. What I want, and have always wanted, is to do the right thing and not be sulky about it. If you are happy, I am happy - or fulfilled.

Time to put on the angry music and go to SPAC, maybe bang the drums.