Compromise

What do I really want?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday as I was walking home from dancefest, it was uneasily quiet. The evening was high with energetic performances, but by the time I headed for Marymount, the still of the night was evident. I did not meet a single person from the Darkroom to the gates of the station atrium. I checked my watch to find it was 10pm, a few hours without dinner. I guess personality homeostasis kicked in and I decided to just congratulate the Street Dance CCALs I knew for an awesome job.

To be frank, being an audience member for such events has never been easy for me, especially when they call for people to go on stage or anything. I know that status wise I'm not fit for being the sort of popz kid that does random stuff on stage and gets away with it with even more cheering. I still remember being something of a class joker in Primary School and maybe a little in sec 3 and 4.

And I blankly stare at the glass barriers of the train tracks thinking about all these things... again.

And again.

I love to perform...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Its not easy to compromise but its supposedly the right thing to do in many situations. Or is it?
Its natural to feel like you've lost and I'm feeling it more than ever.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Still learning to be a CCAL.
Learning to be mean, an asshole to some people, or they will never work. Totally sucks.
Being lectured by other CCALs is not cool, but I must admit that I have been only good for saikang and not for leading most of the time. Servant leadership in VS only works because a large proportion of Victorians actually have morale values ingrained in the belief of Nil Sine Labore. They tell me not to angst, not to rage, not to get emotional. I'd like to see you try that in my position. And surely it is an indicator that I give a damn right?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Being Christian to me, seems to contradict leadership. Seriously. I mean how can we not judge for examples? Say if you're interviewing someone. How can we be nice and assume nothing and respect people's choices?

--------------------------------------------------------------------