What ifs

Had a deep conversation with Pumai. Bruh is real. And I am sad in the unsustainability of ideals.

~

Although slightly petty, I think I need to talk about Peter. Peter reminds me of myself in many ways (I mean, most people do in some ways, c'est la vie) and yet, to reference Tolstoy yet again, I feel like the later, tempered and more down-to-earth Andrei, while Peter is still convinced of how the world works in a certain way, or at least should follow a certain way. I used to be early for all my meetings, made sure everything was neat and tidy, turned off all the lights and wiped the board and pushed in the chairs in class, and to a large extent, still do. But I no longer hold others to that standard, and have checked my own foolishness in trying to achieve unnecessary perfection in certain things and rules. Of course, I cannot say that either me or Peter is right intrinsically, mais bien sur, I am convinced of my own views. Perhaps I have to once again be convicted in certain ideals, but how can one be if convinced that you know nothing really? But truly, we are opposite results of the same core.

~

I loved that conversation with Daniel... dam he's great to talk to when he's drunk.
I had this sense, that if we were really to talk, on a personal level, we'd actually find so much in common, and I wasn't mistaken. And the truth is, I feel this way with so many people, and it is just such a tragedy that I cannot let each and every one of them know this, or that even if we were different, that I'm willing to share and indulge them in deep conversation.
The question was whether to be open or not, and the answers were understandably vice versa for us; he was more closed and wanted to be open, and I the opposite.

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I just recalled something from so long ago...about Nurul Farahin. I remember I had a dream about her and I actually wrote a written email of apology. Man you have no idea how much impact Zhen Ting made on me.

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The 'friendzone' is a derogatory/patriarchal term; I will never use it. But the pain of imbalanced relationships is real; but I will never show it. Respect your promises and respect your friends' decisions.

~

What Could Have
Have you ever thought
What could have?
Have you, I guess not,
I should have...

If only you could see
There's no fate, no mystery
We're not meant to be
That's not the key

All it takes is time
On quiet afternoons
Simplicity is fine
We don't need full moons

Mais je me suis trompé
We had different visions
Il faisait soleil
现在下雨低声