So now I've started writing in my untouched school journal. Here are some excerpts.
20/4 : Today I'm starting what madam Ow told us to do. To write down lines in our head we think are awesome. Finally I have a use for the school journal =) (Describing a crystal) It was crystal clear, hard to the touch, soft on the eyes.
22/4: 'Integrity will get you no marks but will get you further in life' - Mr Wong, my chemistry teacher. There is something about teachers, that just makes me smile.
23/4: Argh, lost my to do list... Fail.
26/4: Today I awoke like yesterday was a dream. It was sobering as I remembered I had SPA2 and English Oral today. I hadn't finished any homework and am going to start Night Study Program (NSP) today. It feels oddly like a game campaign. Where this 'semi-powerful' enemy appears from the blue while you are fighting the main one. So you join forces with your old enemy or concentrate on fighting it first. Then after you finish the mission killing this enemy. You get this partly nostalgic, partly driven, partly accomplished feeling; Your done here, but it isn't over. Rhapsody was a success, time for the O levels.
28/4: I sat at the 4C table today. Colin was really nice. But then he left. Who was to take his place? Euy Gnos. I don't know why, I just hate him. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, people whom I know are decent seem to like him, and he is a wise cracker. He hasn't done anything unpleasant to me. So why? Am I wrong to breed hatred to people whom just aren't like me? Who have different ways of living? Came to AEP with everyone lazing around playing rock music. Its times like this when I want to quit AEP... I thought Jia Lok coming to sit next to me will make me less lonely. Instead, it has made me more lonely than ever. I'm so selfish, I should let Jia Lok talk to my other friends while I do my own work, for them. Don't know why, I'm just so emo today.
29/4: Looked through my photos today. I realized there is a stark difference between my holiday photos and work portfolio. And it has dawned on me just how limited AEP really is. Is art really freedom of expression? On holiday, where I have no subject matter, and I have all the time in the world, my shots become interesting and less confined to conventions and technicalities.
30/4: I don't know what to do. Everday I see people around me flaring up. Teachers picking on students. Students protesting back by showing apathy in class. There is mutual dislike, I can see it in their eyes, no matter what Marcus says. He is such a good friend, I should take some of his advice a bit more. I just... I just feel it is up to them to decide whether they are above hatred and see good in people they dislike, U.S-Sino? They should have inter-faith dialogue haha... Still, what are their objectives? Why remain defiant and anger the teachers even more? Why scold the students indifferently and anger THEM even more? Is it unjustified to act in sacrifice of the other if the other doesn't give a damn? Is it wrong to try and keep trying to find a connection you see impossible? I choose the moral route, not the logical one. Even though common sense knows nothing will change, but I still want to try, in hope that someday, some of my words will affect them positively. I know how Marcus feels. Is it wrong of me to try and preach to people. Well if you put it that way... should I stop interfering with other people's affairs even if I mean good? No one is absolute truth, I need to understand that too.
'Because we are short of time, sharing is caring.' - Ms Ho Don't really see how that makes sense but it was funny the was she said it. I feel that HODs and SHs have this higher level of teaching, this added awareness, this heightened knowledge even outside their area of expertise. I really respect this kind of openness and professionalism.
Playing with color temperature
3 comments:
Okay. My internet was cut a few weeks back and to be honest, I forgot about the blog. Then here I was, at 11pm at night, thinking "wait, wtf is Li Keen's blog url" and honestly, you won't want to know the time I wasted (30++minutes) to find your blog. You definitely wouldn't want to know the different keywords I searched. In the end, I remembered the URL without the help of any search engines. Guess the brain is the best computer.
Anyway, I had to spam through your posts (thankfully/regrettably it's not a lot) so I managed to read the posts until my last read post in 20-30minutes or so. I'll do it systematically and go to the present; I'll begin with the post
"I'm Busy" -
.
Uh nothing much here, except Hwa Chong got B and C div gold in track and field as well o.o
Your 'long post' -
.
It's not that long, trust me. I'm not encouraging long posts either, you might get too long winded like me. Honestly, after reading this much, I begin to see myself in your blog posts. And sadly, it's not in you. I see myself as the people you describe to detest, to despise and to dislike. Being a legend is a good thing, so I won't touch much on that; I assume you understand what your teacher was saying. And there's nothing wrong (and is in fact correct) to find fault with yourself rather than find excuses. But hopefully, you don't become some maniac like me that finds faults in myself 24/7. I guess I'm not totally screwed since I can tell you this. Oh and the 'Lost Generation' poem, I'll never forget it. Naturally I'm pessimistic and realistic, but I can take different POVs pretty easily because I like to. So in this case, I would tell you, that there is nothing such as too optimistic. It's either optimistic, or not. In either case, the poem seeks to be optimistic, and hopes that us readers/listeners develop optimism for the future. If you're 'too optimistic', it just means you aren't. Just food for thought.
"sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit of your own fun for the sake of a something larger than you."
I feel mixed when reading this to be honest. I become confused which are my real thoughts and what I really think. So, whether or not it offends you, I'm going to give you both my views; oddly enough, it's on the 2 opposite ends.
I'm not sure what my first impression was, but I guess I would always love to define what 'larger than you' means. Assuming it is really something 'larger than you' like saving the Earth, than I understand. But I also understand that sometimes, you can't do shit and maybe having fun is the better option. Let's say you have the choice of both. Would you help the world marginally or have some fun. Then the momentary thought processes work. For me, since I'm impulsive, I'll probably have fun. But after that I'm probably going to regret it, as is my life thus far.
On another side, I totally agree with your quote. Fun should always be sacrificed for the greater good. No matter how small that 'good' is, selfishness will lead nowhere.
Not sure if this is directly relevant, but this is my input. Since I can assume you're pretty good in humanities, I wonder what you infer from my statement.
I don't think humans can ever stop being selfish. I think humans are foolish to try and be selfless, as if telling themselves, "I'm not as selfish as you think I am". But humans in general are selfish, that's why we're dominating. And because of that...
suspense, cool huh?
Next one... (it's 12:12am and I have a lit test tommorrow so I'm rushing; I can't put this off till tomorrow cause I am 100% sure I'll forget)
A Break -
.
Earth hour rocks. But I rather do other stuff to save the Earth. I just can't say it here - irrational and illogical, I rather not talk about how my notion came about.
It's Complicated -
.
I never thought about your relationship status to be honest. Sorry, just can't imagine you yet haha. I'm glad your optimistic, I just can't turn optimistic yet. It's a long story and I rather not talk about myself on YOUR BLOG. Although I suspect some of your examples are invalid (USA and China, really? Sorry when I think of that I think of some rich guy who's trying to be friends with a guy who won the lottery, I'll try to look at China from other POVs)
It's Complicated -
.
I didn't bother putting part 1 and 2; lazy. I'm glad you don't conform and I'm glad you can see that you don't want to conform. That being said, I will tell you now that I am currently on the...conformist side. Just to clear up any misunderstandings you might develop. I don't pon cca on a regular basis but I still do. I play left 4 dead on a regular basis. Tuck out my shirt, shout vulgarities, ignore my work, procrastinate etc. But you know, I think when it comes to you, I listen when you talk about current affairs (though I might not understand x.x) and I show 'polite' interest. If I shout the F word, I might still be polite xD (in my books)
Anyway, I hope you don't view this as conforming. Just follow your instincts, listen to your heart. You've heard this many times, probably in movies. I don't know, I guess I'm influenced by the external media too much and have now become an ambassador for their messages and sayings. Either way, even if you eventually fall into the 'rebellious' group, you're not conforming until you want yourself to. Of course, some might live in denial, but ignorance is bliss. My real world view is very different from you. However, I always feel compelled to change my views and outlook after reading your posts; I'm not sure whether it is to agree and appease you or whether you're changing me but my views change. But on a normal basis, I'm sorry, my views probably contradict you (or are against you). *opposites attract*
"Mobile Blog" -
.
Blog and diary. Wows. I like your sense of hope. I won't do anything to it because I'm jealous that you still have that (:
Xun Yi I'm not offended at all! Come on, I've been your friend for some time now, although I don't hand out with you often (maybe that's why =X), but more than that, you show insight and higher thinking, I respect your choices and opinions because they are justified and well thought, I gladly read your comments because I admit I'm a bit of an attention seeker (Yah you probably knew that already lol). Those indicators I listed are indicators, not the actual to me (like development haha). It's true all that you've said, humans are selfish. Well guess what I choose not to be, even though I know I'll never choose to do anything altruistically. But better to do good things for the wrong reasons than to do bad for any reason. I think thats more my philosophy. You don't have to be me to be my friend, because the fact that you respond and care about my views is a better friend than most of the ones I've met. Example: Friend: " Hey what did you get for SS?" Me: "Upon? (although I know but I'm trying to be a bit less snobbish)" Friend: "50" Me: "38." Friend: "Fuck you." Wow. some friend. he thinks his just joking, but after it happens a few times I politely tell them I don't like it I don't think its funny, and they say I'm overreacting. Do they respect my feelings? Maybe I seem a bit selfish. So nowadays I try to care less about what they say, but it still hurts because when I get good marks and the rest of my friends don't, they form a 'group' without me as if I'm not their friend. Then they crack jokes about the subjects together without me and perceive me as a smartass... They have no idea how I feel, its the same expectation that someone else has the same nature as you as I have of them. I mean left 4 dead is fine if you like it! But my friends don't care that I like age of mythology more, they think I'm weird. They come my house and play fifa by themselves and leave me to do my homework! When I finally convince them to at least play naruto, they blantly show their apathy and longing for fifa again. Do they care what I like? I wish they were more like you, to show some polite interest instead of staring at me like I'm a freak when I bring up current affairs and games I like. I mean I show polite interest and do everything for them, I just need them to meet me halfway... but I don't think they see my efforts. But I never want to be pessimistic, so I still hope some day they'll realize what I'm trying to say. I will continue to garner some interest for Jimi Hendrix or Transformers for them. Yeah maybe its not conformity, its just that they just so happen to like the same things, and I'm different, thanks for helping me realize that too.
Post a Comment