When emotions run wild

When you have just woken up, especially if you were drunk last night.
When your tired, especially after a terrible day at work.
When you're like me, and you have chosen a path of much solitude.
When you're like me, woken up earlier than everyone else on a quiet Sunday morning, lonely.

I advocate a lot lately, that just because you choose not to pursue a choice that leads to friends at the expense of something in you, it doesn't mean your anti-social. So I lived by it for a while.

I look back and I'm slightly confused, regretful even. All those times I chose to eat alone because I refuse fast food, all those times, are they wasted away without friends? Nearing the end of this year, it feels so much like it. I seemed to have forgotten my VS life was coming to a close, and I should make the most of my time with my friends, before I say goodbye.

It's not that I would give up a view, a stance, just to have friends. No, that's just like joining a gang, succumbing to peer pressure. Still, I cannot shake this feeling of loneliness. I just need one. One friend that will follow me.

I'm even mulling over my choice of 'a change in environment' thing right now. Do I really want to go to RJC? Possibly leaving all my friends forever? Of course, some might say its never forever, we'll always remember each other. Yes, remember each other, then. But we won't see each other through the times and things, the friendship may never be restored to its original state. I just wish, hope that at least one good friend will follow me. Don't make me give up my academic dreams, please.

I don't know if you can empathize with me. You didn't choose to go alone when no one else would.

I just... I just want to have so much fun with my friends now, before we all part. I'm so lonely, I wouldn't mind going out to watch a movie I dislike with Alif and Rifdi or something. This is probably exactly how I felt when I left Ngee Ann, just that I couldn't fathom it then, I didn't understand. I still miss all my Ngee Ann friends dearly, but they've changed, and I know that, but its still depressing. I didn't follow them, and now its like I don't know them. Will this happen when I leave VS? Undeniable. You know the answer.

But

All this happens, in the wake of Aung San Suu Kyi release, and I am deeply humbled. I shouldn't fear change, or progress. I'm just afraid, of leaving where I belong, into the great unknown future. Even after two decades of detention, this woman still holds on to her mantras closely. I wondered why she even got a Nobel Peace Prize, now I understand. What will happen to me? Will I change? Forget? What happens when I leave, 4D, will I ever find such a like-minded class ever again?

And all this while, Keane's Everybody's Changing just rings and plays in my lonely head.

How I spend my solitude sometimes. In my childhood? Building lego cities. Now, Sim City 4. I like the myriad of music in the game, it suits the different themes of a city atmosphere, from jazz and bossa nova to techno and electric. A 'life goes on in a bustling city' feel and the 'fast paced development' feel. This is the latter. Why no sim city 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????? Will Wight LEFT DAMMIT.