And I don't feel the same.
In one week, my brother leaves Singapore to study in the UK.
In two weeks, I graduate from four years in a wonderful school.
In four weeks, I head for the major examinations.
In three months I enter JC.
Oh I just finished watching the final episode of Scrubs.
Should I stay in the moment or look to the future?
I feel really emotional now...
Just yesterday I went to Zaki's house for Hari Raya and my mother commented, "So this is the last party before the 'O's eh?" Last. I remember our clique in secondary one, Zaki, Jason, Jian Wen and me in a little corner in the class. I cannot fathom what it would have been like without them. I don't know how to put into words my gratitude for their friendship when I was going through something. It feels like this is it. Out parting, though Jian Wen and Jason moved on, Zaki and I still bonded in AEP. Like-minded individuals to some extent. Now I leave Mother Victoria... bye Zaki. Your mother's cooking is the best.
Then the day before yesterday I accompanied my younger brother back to my Alma Mater Ngee Ann for the Lantern Festival. It was fortunate of me to see my old form teacher and chinese teacher, up till now they still teach me, give me advice. I humble myself before such great people, and I wish I knew how to express my gratitude. My form teacher asked, "So are you coming back next year?" It took me by surprise, and it still gets me thinking now. Am I?
I don't know what I'm feeling now. Is it nostalgia? Insecurity? I'm awash with feelings and I almost don't feel like studying SS. My house has a special way of being silent at times like this. I hear my waterfall flow, the fan in my room swirl. The birds singing their dawn chorus. Do I wish I could go back in time? That feeling was really why I got attached to Age of Mythology. I can imagine and feel the ancient times in their soundtrack, their characters. Perhaps in a time when life was simpler.
I'm tearing up, I should go study now...
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2 comments:
Sorry haven't been here in a while. Everytime I get the computer I basically head off to do things I haven't been doing (and want to do - which you can more or less guess what that means).
Well back to the whole burning of the Qoran/Koran (not sure how it's spelt) I think it's rather foolish really, this whole commotion over nothing. As you said, he's basically proving them right, and the best part is, he didn't know it. I'm not sure how religious you are, but I think I'll remain as a free thinker for now. It's really nice to believe in everything and nothing at the same time if you get what I mean.
And yes, the big bold letters that catches any readers' eyes as they scroll down aimlessly.
"Things always start with a noble cause"
Do they I wonder? I mean, noble to the person then yes it stays true, but would strapping a bomb onto your chest and going into a train station just to blow yourself up be considered 'noble'? I mean, I prefer to see it as mere perception of things. You should read Black Jack NEO, a manga that was remade. It talks about the Golden Pebble. If you can figure out what the Golden Pebble is without the use of googling or friends, then you've really matured past me (since I didn't get it the first time).
And finally down to your latest post. I skipped a lot but basically chose those that I really had something to say. I mean, life is constantly changing, if it didn't, then it wouldn't really be an enjoyable life. A life that remains stagnant and constant can only reap stagnant and constant rewards. Similar to you, in 2 weeks I'm taking my EOYs in place of 'O' levels,and after that I have many plans prepared for my holidays. Just so you know, I'll be away from 7th December till the 15th January next year because I'm off for a school trip. I'm not sure whether to embrace this chance to really study independently or to regret that I am going to miss 1 month's worth of fun, joy and laughter with the friends I love to keep (and if you don't get it yet, I'm implying mainly, the primary school friends, including you ^^). I probably won't sit out on this chance but I guess I won't be entirely happy since most of my Hwa Chong friends aren't going either. It's going to be a real test of independence for me... for 6 weeks. Damn.
Just some food for thought, this exchange stuck in my head. I was watching some Chinese show about a real life story before China, it's basically a war movie with strategies, love and sacrifice, the usual themes for traditional Chinese war stories. But the conversation eventually reached these few sentences.
Note: Universal Love in this case means to love everyone equally regardless of race, lang- blah blah blah.
"So you follow Mozi's philosophy of 'Universal Love'?"
"Yes."
"I think, you only follow this philosophy because you don't know who to love."
Which, after a moment's thought, brought me to think of Winston Churchill's quote about how we should have enemies because enemies prove that you're standing up for something. I don't think this has much relation to your posts recently but I guess I just wanted to share.
Anyway, feeling emotional isn't particularly bad as long as you recover in time. You can actually force yourself out of it if you really wanted to; emotions are overrated.
I'm going for the 6/1 chalet btw. Or now the official "6/1(+xunyi) chalet"
Para1: Blackshot/Dota? lol
Para2: Yeah! Its like, when people talk about religon you get the chance to mediate and be the middleman, like the decider, haha I'm power hungry
Para3: (Y)
Para5: Yeah, I meant it that way... some people don't think things through and let emotions go ahead of reason. Did you buy e manga?
Para6: I recently discovered that solitude isn't bad... I'm not saying hiding in a corner or locking youself in the room. I mean that living life alone, as soon as people see alone they have negative feelings, but really its a time when you get to do things YOU want, with no peer pressure and what not. Its about reflecting and discovering yourself to me.
Para 9: That actually got me thinking too... but in terms of race not really. I mean loving everyone and everything, I once thought I could do that but now I know its impossible without throwing your mantras away
Para11: Its true you can, but its not good to disrupt natural feelings sometimes, all about balance I guess
Para12: LOL! You know when I talked to Mr Goh he still knows you, anyways we're in secondary school now, there really is no class segregation anymore, its all Ngee Ann Alumnus. You don't have to be loyal to one class and forgo the other, you can do both
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