Fantasy escapism

I'm sitting all alone on the 2nd floor of my house. I solemnly like it.
I finished REPLAYING a fantasy game I finished a week ago... I sound like an addict but I'm pretty depressed, mostly because tommorrow is school again.

I'm scared.
I'm scared of the 'O's
I'm scared of my coursework
I'm scared of my life.
I'm scared I'm reverting to an emotional wreck, task-oriented, cold, and unable to control emotions.

I wonder if its why I like fantasy.
Fantasy where I don't have to be scared. (You can load save game)
Fantasy where magic is alive and life is magic.
Everyday is new, a quest, a story, a person, a skill.
I never want to leave, but I know it will end.
I try not to think about it, because I'm scared of that too.
Scared of the end yet long for it. I don't understand. I'm confused.

I read the entire Harry Potter series 6 times.
I go on hours continuously reading mythology and history.
I enjoy fantasy games the most. Mights and magic, sword and sorcery.

Runescape, Age of Empires, Age of Mythology, Kameo, etc.

I'm scared I can't control it.
This affliction, this addiction to fantasy.

Most importantly. I'm alone.
I'm alone in a single player RPG. Powerful enough to defeat my deepest fears, of ghosts & humanoids.
I can control whatever I say, make new friends. My life is planned out for me; I just need to choose the right triggers and finish the right quests.

I used to say I like playing games with people because I find single player boring. I was lying to myself.
I thought that shunning your friends away is anti-social behaviour, and it makes me a freak. I would never forgive myself.

Is it stress?
Do I need help?
I detest being patronized, much like Toph.
Yet I think I need it badly.
Am I overreacting... I'm scared.

They say friends help.
But I admit it, I often seek solace in solitude. I'm scared to be around people when I'm depressed.
I'm not comforted by 'chillax la' or 'it's OK one la don't stress'. I wonder if they really understand.
I think I should be maxed out 'C' personality. I don't know why, is there something wrong with me?

But in the fantasy, in the history and mythology, there is nothing wrong with me. I master my own fate, I spectate the sufferers and I create my own luck.

I feel like crying, and I like to think Jaren's discovered quote is right.
"Crying is not a sign of weakness, since birth, it has been a sign of life."
Is it wrong to get emotional over movies, over games? Should you remain stoic and bottle up feelings?
I don't think you'll enjoy anything as much that way.

I think this blog really helps.

Whoever you are, don't let me get emo. You know that 14-year old who whacked the teacher. I don't want to be like that, yet I'm afraid I might.

I can't say what game I'm playing online. SMS me if you want to know why and what. The sequel is coming, I hope it comes right after 'O' Levels. This is the game I am most willing to spend money on.

I know its runecape music 3 times in a row. I guess I wanted to show it the most, and hope that someone would understand why I love the music. Listen to the flute (if thats what it is). The song is actually based on a barren island, devestated and destroyed by Elvarg (the dragon you PWN in dragon slayer). Yet, it is quiet and peaceful, almost serene; admist all the destruction.

Close your eyes and listen. Don't let doubts and thoughts like 'this is stupid' or whatever spoil it. That's how I feel.