The time I started this post: 0037
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The flow of thoughts have been channeled to various other places
My Black Notebook
Directly to God
Close friends
All of which I didn't have before. Just saying ~
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Every time I pray I get more tired and more rested at the same time
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Relationships are so complex.
Sometimes I wonder what to say to a friend who's not yet close. Take the first step in opening up? I'm optimistic about people, and so far opening up first works to some degree. Maybe I'm just an extrovert.
And then you have close friends. You wonder if you should tell them all your problems. Will it come off as too needy? Hasn't this person talked to you about it before? And what if that person is also always looking to you for comfort? I sometimes feel like a burden to some people. Wait no. All the time x(. But I've discovered to some extent, people genuinely want to listen and help. So I know when a person is always telling me his/her problems, I'll tell him/her my own, because we rely on each other. I know in that person's position I'd feel really awkward and embarrassed, and ever so glad if the person reciprocates, because it kind of signals trust.
And then about advice giving. I guess in a way when people talk to you they are looking for some response, so its definitely good to do so. What's the limit though? Asking from people your own age or worse, below your age, can be a scary thing. Its like establishing that he or she is already 'superior' in that respect. Once again about balancing... I just don't like to give the impression that I'm better in any way. Or that I understand everyone and everything. Obviously not.
If you know a friend who just seems to be perfect at everything, sometimes it just doesn't work out because its as if that person doesn't need you but you need the person. I guess I feel that the best friends complement each other, not revere each other. Heh. Don't be afraid to show a little emotion. Not all the time of course. (Need to learn that haha)
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Constantly trying to 'culture' myself. Its sort of conditioning. My current aim is to appreciate poetry more :) I actually used to write a lot but because I sucked and no one liked them I stopped heh. Likewise I didn't understand it all that well.
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Reading blogs does not mean I'm free luh >< just saying. You know who you are.
Its a gesture and a pleasure. I love people, and perhaps bloggers a little more. I want to be there at their best and at their worst. Its always a pleasant (?) surprise to find an emotional post all of a sudden. Not because I wallow in other people's misery! (ZOMG :<) But because of my perfect mental picture of these awesome people, I discover a clue to their humanity, with all their worries, sins and weariness. Sometimes just knowing a person is not just the superficial high-ness he/she exudes most of the time, is enough for me to give them the highest respect as individuals. To know that inside them, they think, they reflect, they go through grievances and anxiety, etc.
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Bleah. I'm rambling.
Its now 0121. Don't worry, during the post I was doing other things.
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Yesterday
PW with my group the mosquito/bully boys. I'll admit, sometimes I get really nasty thoughts like 'why the hell is my life filled with so many guys ._.' but that's just life. Just God's plan. Cut the despo crap and live. "I'm not the cliqueish kind and I always support being alone if you feel that the people around you do not bring positive benefits to the soul. Being alone is different from being lonely, you make the active choice to have time for yourself to reflect and be a better person. Being lonely is just an act of desperation and a state of mind. " From my friend's blog. Really love it. Thanks.
And that loneliness led me to the RPS outing directly after the PW meeting. I actually till now don't quite understand why I immediately entered emo don't want to talk to people mode as I walked down the busy street with D90 in hand. (Hmm just had an epiphany, need to give my camera a name like Rifdi gives his bike). I reasoned that street and architecture photography just makes me sink into that mood. Artists are moody and eccentric ~ I would talk about it longer, cept its really late.
Upload or don't upload photos on to FB or not... hmm
0137~
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