Unlocking the Secrets to Lameness: Requested by jaren

Indeed. I could have blogged about other things, but since I'm just spontaneous like that and Jaren suggested it, let's share some secrets to lameness!
Lameness and the pre-requisites.
Let's first define lameness as the state of mind achieved or activated by an individual that translates into getting physically abused or ._. expressions from surrounding homo sapiens.
Anyone can be lame in theory, but not everyone gets injured that easily makes the cut off their leg.
IMO, there are two things one needs to have for one to be lame.

1. ATTENTION
That's right, you need to be paying attention. Paying attention to what your friend just said, something off about that facebook comments' sentence structure, something ironic in that picture.

2. Bravery
It takes guts to be an asshole. It takes guts to risk awkward stares and having no friends. It takes guts to be an idiot and pull it off. You need joker gas genes.

These are the two things that are more difficult to train and hence are pre-requisites.
Here are the skills I think one needs to acquire and hone.

3. Quick Connections 150mbps
Wait too long and the joke turns sour. An individual must be able to make quick connections, flip perspectives, notice pun-ishable moments. Be the first.

4. Stimulus and expansion
Very related to quick connections, but while that's about speed, this is about width. The scope of one's vocabulary and the ability to link several words all at once is a must.

5. Execution
About how you tell the joke, more later.

Now for some guidelines and tips.

Some common forms of lameness will be
Purposeful misunderstanding (Especially in serious situations). Usually involves acting dumb. A common form of bastard-ing people who seem depressed over something. Effective for laid back people or bastards (who don't usually take well to other lame jokes)

Puns. A play on words to invoke comedy. Must be voiced out and executed with degree of obvious-ness to work. More effective when specific to current trend (Bhagi did it after a Chem exam)

Switch-a-roo - Shifting words and phrases

Whimsical mindset - Going against conventional wisdom, and misleading the audience into thinking a certain way before bombarding them with a retarded answer or outcome. Another example is on Jaren's tumblr about a person 'going to jail'

Series - Similar lame jokes grouped together to augment the effect of the "facepalm" or to mislead the receiver into a lame trap at the end. Link to my occupation jokes (expanded from those from general knowledge) http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150098009139692

(For more references, try explosm.net, hejibits.com or buttersafe.com)

Important

Post-joke phase

Its important to give a retarded reaction to lame jokes depending on the type and lame-ness. Generally 'cooler' people might choose to say the kind of (racist) Malay 'che' after each joke, lean back a little and give an epic drowsy smile. Others might choose to chuckle or whatever! Really, it depends on what kind of person you are. Just like executing any joke, delivery is very important. Special case: Marcus Liu ends lame jokes with 'nuuuuu' or starts pointing his fingers up and down at the victim ('like shooting with fingers') while leaning back and smiling or giving a sly expression.

Intellectual prediction

You need to know your audience, how well you think they'd understand the joke, how many clues you give them if it was a riddle, etc when you formulate jokes. This is a given, but many people don't imagine the reactions, are overly pessimistic or overly optimistic. Be tactful and don't downplay the joke too much, people are pretty smart. This will also affect the post-joke phase you should look for.

Originality

There isn't anything stopping you from reciting jokes you found online or in a book! Honestly! But coming up with your own to supplement them is always way more awesome! :) Singaporean Context is one of the ways you can be different from the global lame community

This may sound really serious for joking, but truth is some people are not natural jokers, and even stand-up comedians practice and know how they look on stage! Was quite fun writing this though its not complete!

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Really enjoy it when the band tries to inject some hipness into their performances! Its important not to distance yourself from the crowd when doing performance art! Yes, always have the traditional pieces, the sophisticated music, definitely, but some of the best groups appease the audience especially.