Issues overload

I don't have a diary or maybe even a good friend to confide in some of my thoughts. Since it's been building up over time, its only natural that a lot will come out at the same time. As I've written earlier, today my 'friends' insulted me again. Maybe they don't know I'm feeling slightly hurt or angry... hehe being emo SIOL. I tried asking them why they insult me so much and all that, DAOED. You know frankly, its hard for me not to dislike them. I'm actually trying hard to avoid vulgar language and keep using some proper english. Sigh...why can't I find a friend like me...or maybe I've already found some but I just don't know yet. Isn't it weird I always argue over my thoughts? Its cause of something I told myself before, to not get all angsty and emo, cause there is no point. If you don't know, in secondary 1 I was pretty angsty and could not get along with my new classmates much. And maybe I'm restarting this blog cause I'm getting angsty again.

Anyway, if your wondering why I went out with them if I don't like them, to be honest, I don't know myself. So I told myself I'm never doing that again. The whole time, those two "friends" just talked to each other the whole way, whispered into each others ears, not showing me anything. IF THEY FISHING DON'T WANT ME THERE THEN JUST SAY SO AND DON'T DRAG ME ALONG DUCKERS...Sorry bout that. Its just, their seriously pissing me off. Bustops. Its also my fault that I went with them anyway... I just "don't wanna miss a thing". But I've learnt, you just can't be part of everything, you just can't. Unfortunately, no matter how many times I tell myself not to act so what I stereotypically say "teenagerish", I still do; I still try and hang out with the 'cool' crowd, I still laugh at my other friends although I know its wrong, I still sometimes tell racist and sick jokes just to impress my friends. But I'm learning, I always tell myself I must. That's why I tell lame jokes instead of those.