Merry Christmas to myself

I'm an attention seeker at heart I admit. I feel lonely nowadays, maybe that's why I need this blog to cheer myself up that maybe someday someone will read it besides myself. I don't know, I'm just so lonely sometimes. I mean my elder brother already has his own set of friends and his in National Service so at home, I'm the only one in my teens. And unfortunately a lot of people aren't helping. That's why I feel happiest around my friends.

Maybe it's just teenage stuff, but I'm feeling less close to my family than to my friends, or perhaps dependable. Which is wrong, so I'm constantly reminding myself about that thank you very much.

Nowadays I'm so lonely I pace the floor thinking and reflecting... WOW. It was OK in primary school but now I'm kind of sick of it. It sounds stupid but I hate the thought of not being with my friends for something. Whether it's an outing or even an inside joke, I feel lonely when my friends talk about it and I can't relate. Doesn't everyone? Maybe that's why I go for so many activities.

Why am I bringing this up now? It's because I'm going to malaysia with my family, and I've just heard my dad isn't coming, which makes it my mother, younger brother and yes my nikon D90 which I consider more fun than both my mother and younger brother combined. Sorry about that, I can't help it, I need people my age. Another sad part is that I'm missing choir practice on saturday and sunday, and once again the thought of not being there weighs heavily on my mind, in exchange for a trip with my family and a whole lot of aunties and uncles. Pray that I find someone my age there.

Another reason, and I hope this doesn't become a fiasco like in primary 6...is that OK you know what, nevermind. Let's just say its another teenage thing that I cannot help. Ever heard of puppy love? My chinese zodiac is dog anyway haha. I probably have the same state of mind as during primary 6. I'm just going to say, way out of my league and probably going to end badly if it gets out like in primary 6.

I hope the green, photosynthesising one doesn't hear about this. His another reason why I feel lonely, since his turning all my choir people against me. If he finds out I'm like this, he'd suan me for being kind of girly, haiz, if that happens, I will be stronger than I am now. At least I'm not gay, seeing as I still fall for pretty girls hehe. Merry christmas people.