Oh my... Mood swing to the max.
Maybe its cause we just passed the boundary of half the long weekend...
Feeling rather empty. All the nostalgia of listening to old music over and over, with current affairs somehow eerily similar all the time. Homework that needs to be done but not being done... Old games, finished again and again and longing for the Witcher 2. Little to no contact with my friends, eating the same damn meals. Nothing new. No excitement. Even the election results were expected. I can't tell what I'm feeling, is it sad or is it comfort? When we grow old, what if we're all by ourselves, just watching, and waiting... Boredom? Depression? Feeling really heavy. VERY VERY heavy. Can faith cure it? So far, not yet, it has only made me feel worse most of the time. I just don't have time to do everything, and no one is giving me any instructions.
I need a new game to pre-occupy myself. Or just someone to talk to, or a new movie. I embrace solitude because oft people are so obsessed with socializing they shortchange themselves, they become part of the many, nothing special sometimes. By themselves, I find people at their most interesting, at their most sincere, loneliness and strength. Maybe I need to come out of the closet, start sharing music again, be fearless.
Maybe I've become so anti-superficial I have disconnected with life and the world. Immersed so deeply in literature, lore, history, and fantasies that I have become an empty shell, dissociated.
Maybe huge chunks of myself were lost when I stopped playing Scrabble, when the holidays ended and I no longer see Yan Zhou, Xun Yi, Hong Jie, etc. that often, when I wasn't given the mandate to sing with a group songs of actual calibre and brilliance, when photography became a chore, when I left VS, when I stopped regular Runescaping with Marcus & Rifdi.
Maybe I've just drank too much coffee.
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