The Uncommitted - Dragging my feet

Raffles Photog Society (RPS) Exco elections ahead.

One of the items I'm to bring are three of my 'best' photos. Shit.

Underpinning the issue is really my inherent 'un-commitment' to anything. I claim to do this, claim to know that, but when it boils down to it, there are always people who are so much more specialized, so much more passionate then me. In photog, some nominees make trips to Jurong Bird Park to take pictures, or just go out one day to take photos. They learn about different equipment, they buy them, they are actual enthusiasts.

Bottom line: I'm lazy.

All I do during the weekends, is relax, play computer, read current affairs, stalk people's blogs, exercise. It's not a matter if I can get in to the exco or not. It's a matter of if I'm even capable of leading. It is not in my interest to bring down a CCA, isn't it better to just drop out and let a more passionate leader take the job? If I fight for it, get in, and become a blur and inactive chair, it not only reflects badly of me, I'll also be pulling the whole gang down with me. I don't really think I have much leadership qualities. I'm just a pathetic follower.

That being said, it may just be because of the CCA itself. If it were the choir, I think I would have a clearer goal on what to do. RPS? Chucks you into elections after 2 weeks (for 2nd round-ers) of being in the club, barely knowing anyone, barely knowing anything at all about the CCA.

Furthermore, there's really just too many people to feel an attachment. Back in VS media club, there was this dedicated handful of students who slaved at the yearbook, and covered every event (I reckon Mr Zabid and Mr Tan had me on speed dial). That made me all the more committed because I had a crack team with me, who shared (oh shit gay part) special moments together, just going lunch at PP and giving up capitalizing people's names. Even in VS choir, despite the throng of singers, I felt an attachment. We bonded with our own section, our own batch-mates, our own small groups, and they just intertwined and made the experience whole. It was a privilege to serve VS choir as a section leader.

However, in RPS, the sessions are helmed by seniors who just lecture us on camera techniques and other related topics like OPs coverage, and members talk among their cliques, seniors among theirs. During outings, the so-called groups stray apart, members don't even share photos with the rest, seniors don't debrief. It's just come for it, sign your attendance, and go. Nowadays I dread CCA, not look forward to it like I used to, and I'm scared it'll remain this way. How can I even be a leader like this? What is with this competitive environment, is it exactly as Joshua said? Could it be because now positions are fought for, no longer chosen by higher authorities? 

The environment is awfully cold in this CCA to me. Members churn out lingo and technical terms I cannot be bothered to comprehend, has photography been reduced to camera models and lens?

And I cannot shake another feeling. That I'm just being a sore loser. Because I'm inadequate, in skill and equipment and passion, so I'm just getting angry at everyone else. That I'm jealous. That everyone's lives in RJC is going great in my eyes. That I'm the bottom feeder of the lot. That I can never be as good as others, that I thought I could be.

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Ironic that I'm not posting a picture and talking about RPS. Or is it a form of silent protest against the whole election process? Or a change of topic meant to balance and give rest to every post? Sounds cheem. I think the best answer is: I JUST LIKE THIS DAM MUSIC.