FUCK THIS LA.
EVERY FUCKING DAY. I get some hope I'll recover. Then the fucking next morning I have to spend close to an hour churning out all my fucking infected phlegm which is fucking hardcore green. And the fucking problem is that I don't stay fucking 5 mins from school anymore.
Just the previous day the DM was talking about being late and WHAT THE FUCK I was going to being fucking late the next day. SO FUCK LA I'M NOT GOING SCHOOL.
SOME MORE CHOIR AND COUNCIL TRIALS ARE COMING AND I'M FUCKING HAVING THE SAME 4 MONTHS SICKNESS.
Don't fucking tell me everyone has it the same. I'm fucking weak and no strength one don't you know? When I get sick I fucking fall to pieces. Had to take so much anti-biotic it could kill an old lady. And does everyone fucking fall sick just before school starts ALL THE FUCKING TIME? FUCK FUCK FUCK.
JUST LIKE THAT AND I'M FUCKING BEHIND BY 1 LECTURE for econs and chem...
Why didn't I get sick during the holidays? Maybe it really is the sudden stress.
OK sorry... I'm just fucking confused right now. I have no idea what I'm going to do to get over this.
I just hate it when I lag. When I know other people are ahead. It just kills me. Because then its an unfair playing field. And in RI... But I know my OGLs sacrificed a ton of lectures for us also... so I can't be like this.
But yet I shouldn't be lagging. I guess its my fault for getting sick, but why? I didn't do anything that got me sick. It just fucking happened. I fucking hate idling. But I have no notes (were suppose get them today), no experience in JC syllabus, nothing.
And my parents... now I know how it feels to have parents who really are just busy all the time. My fathers overseas and my mum is always busy. I'm left on my own. Probably why I have a blog. But I don't think anyone has a clue what to do except tell me to rest and recover. Since I know no one who experiences this.
And fuck this but my brain is constantly wishing 'someone' is more concerned for me then others. But I know she isn't. Yesterday she just DAOed my limbs off, and the problem with that is I don't know if it was an accident or on purpose. OK maybe it wasn't on purpose but whatever I can't be doing this all the time. So to hell with it.
I don't think I can fucking play touch rugby on friday liao...
There are so many fucking vulgarities in this post I may have missed censoring some. Dam it, if the school found my blog I definitely will lose a lot of chances in council, etc.
I have zero motivation. I have zero solutions. And I've lost so much hope in doctors who give medicine that somehow don't work as fast anymore. I know its because I'm older. Don't have to tell me twice. I know all of it. But I still can't handle it.
Its time like this people turn to prayer. But I can't. I don't believe and I don't want to give myself false hope. If it doesn't work, it'll make it worse. If it does, I won't be grateful enough to my doctor.
Its time like this people turn to prayer. But I can't. I don't believe and I don't want to give myself false hope. If it doesn't work, it'll make it worse. If it does, I won't be grateful enough to my doctor.
I just need someone to tell me what to do. Give me some advice. But who?? Darn it. Need me father. Asking my mother always makes me feel worse. Asking my dad makes things clearer.
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