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Saturday 26 February 2011

Stupid crushes

You know, in some ways, I'm glad I'm not exactly BF material. Being a wimp and a nerd and all. Haha. Cause I know I'll never have a chance at love.

Attention all RI girls, please get out now cause you're very distracting xD

So despo right? Good thing I've been through something like this before. Heh.

Right now, I get this very very odd feeling that a girl in my class keeps looking over at me. Shit. Stupid brain, so naughty, keep on dreaming la, she's not interested in you.

OK I know its dam retarded, but I constructed a way to stop thinking about crushes. Whenever I suddenly start thinking of a image of anyone, I quickly imagine 'thrashing' the 'jpeg file' into the Mac Book Thrash, even got the funky squashing sound effects LOL. Yeah its so dam lame I kind of stop thinking of her altogether.

Another less healthy way is to give myself a thousand reasons why you shouldn't like her.

Best reason so far? Someone else likes her.

Its super coincidental, but I've found much better suitors for most of my crushes (wow see how despo I am? Got more than one some more), for lack of a better word, than me, so I can stop my wishful thinking completely!

And yet. I know. I know my heart burns and my soul aches in agony when I throw away these feelings.

... Haiz... I wish someone else would tell me I'm worth something. That I mean more to them than a typical jock (who don't exist in RI, they all mug.), or mean more to them than that class clown, that drummer, that head prefect. But I'm not. I'm pretty pathetic come to think of it... dam it. Self-pity again. It sucks.

Anyways, back to crushes.
I absolutely don't believe in love at first sight.
I think that its already basing a lot off appearance. And that doesn't last. Beauty detoriates with age.
So I'm patient. I don't look for someone.

Somehow, if you really are meant to be with someone you know, you just naturally incline towards each other and you feel comfortable with each other, which is somewhat the opposite of awkwardness when you like someone and you feel so shy.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just basing of all those movies where lovers really are just good friends at first, then they start to realize, they think about that person everyday, that sometimes you get envious when that person is with someone else...

What do I know about love? I'm young, I'm foolish. So my principle? Don't pursue. Just concentrate on being friends and studying. If there was even something to begin with, it will happen some day.

Problem? What if someone gets to that special someone first. Ouch, I can't help but feel heavy of the thought. This world. Is just too bloody complex to make the right decisions. So just try.

That's what you get when you let your heart win...

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