Extra

In secondary 2 my senior told me I was a five later word after choir practice one day. I said "Enthu?" He replied "Extra." and he and a group of friends laughed heartily at me.

Does he know how painful it felt then? I remember actually crying silently after that with no one around...

How it feels now even? To be called extra.

Why, why in the world should I be someone I'm not? Why the fuck can't I be a good, enthusiastic student?

Dang, I'm using a lot of vulgarities, should stop.

You know how this world works. The good students or so called 'goody-two-shoes' and made fun off, because apparently they boot licked their way into teacher's favouritism.

Any actual hard work they put in is of course, ignored, because the 'actual' intention is to get into the teacher's good books, since of course, to us students, we're too young to you know, care about our future. And obviously, you can't be a good student and still have fun, that's just not logical.

=_= sigh. The media says it all. Shows like '5th grade recess' and other mostly American shows where the academically inclined students are usually nerds with lots of pimples, wear thick glasses, are arrogant and uncool.

Thought I could, in a way escape it by going to a better JC, but I'm still feeling it wherever I go. That apathy in students because of this cultural stereotype. Only when the teacher offers, say, a free lunch, to whoever does the best for a test for example, do the students start showing their true potential, because it would seem to others as they're just in it for the free lunch, when I think, deep down inside, they really want to work hard themselves.

Yeah, I feel its a bit of a hindrance, because now I care a lot about whether I'm being too extra or not. And I still feel a bit on the DAOed side of my OG mates, mostly from a clique of Christians. Yeah, I'm kind of a free thinker, or agnostic, or atheist, whatever you want to call it. So suddenly, I feel a cold stare from them. Like there's something wrong with me for believing what I believe. It really sucks. I don't know if its true or not, I just feel something's wrong.

Of course, my OG is still fun and awesome, just that sometimes, I feel they are a bit colder towards me than to say, a fellow JAE student who happens to be Catholic.

Really miss 4D that way, the fact that we're so multi-racial and multi-religious, even multi-cultural. Its what I love about Singapore.

But back to being too extra... you know, I don't know if its real or not, but I really feel like I'm getting a little DAOed. Do they really think I'm extra? I'm just trying to integrate into RI faster people =) So please don't ignore me, it kind of hurts.

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Somehow, the Helix was when my bridge photography or photoshopping, if you will, kind of peaked? Wow my consistency sucks. Or is it just that the Double Helix Bridge and its setting is just awesome? This one's a bit slanted I know.

Azure, Magenta & Steel