What do I really want?

Another battle of the conflicting personalities.

I crave attention, but its not as good to me. When you're in the limelight, you sometimes lose yourself. I tried to do whatever I want, you know, like what American Culture strives to achieve, be yourself, individual before the community type liberal democracy, while making new friendships and building up old ones, but it's increasingly impossible.

And then when I'm alone, or with a close group of  friends, its easiest to be myself, the real, uncool, wimpy, maybe a little gay me haha. The person who enjoys listening to Runescape and other game music, even playing it on the piano. The person, who spams pokemon, but would love a game of frisbee or table tennis given the chance. But it gets lonely. And its hard to look outside of this micro sphere of joy and see how much fun the others are having. And even those small, close group of friends, have many other friends. They can't be there all the time.

I've actually known this since primary school. I remember even in primary five, myself reflecting over these sentiments. I remember myself choosing between the large group of awesome Five-Oneians with people like Darren and Nurul versus the small but equally awesome group of Five-Oneians like Wei Ge and Dylan. It was easier then, because I didn't really have to choose.

But I felt something for that small group of minorities. I always have, for every underdog, for every unnoticed person in class. I've always had a soft spot, I don't know if its some arrogant crap in my head thinking I need to help them, because they're are fine who they are, unlike me. But I was sure, I wanted to be their friends and support them, sometimes more than others. That's why I often go against the majority, I find it both fun, challenging, and it feels me with satisfaction. When it comes to debates, when it comes to strategy games versus mindless zombie shooting.

There is always a deeper connection between the minds of the conscientious person.

So yeah, Kwang Ik, I get you. I understand why you think democracy is flawed for the reason that the best aren't voted in, the most popular are. I really want to join the Student Council, I really want to contribute, but will the voting do me any favors?

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And when I think of close friends, 4D always seems to welcome me, real me, with open arms. Yesterday's outing, however short, reminded me of that.

I think this should be cropped but I don't know how. I tried making it rule of thirds, didn't work.