Leadership - I recall another event

Certain events in your life, can affect you significantly. Sometimes, it needs to hurt before you remember it for life.

I'm recalling a time in secondary two during the planning stages of Choir Camp, where the tradition of Sec 2 BBQ was implemented.

I remember I was kind of screwed up. Fuck, I'm feeling depressed over it now...

I remember I was appointed the assistant in charge. What an awesome opportunity! What I didn't fathom, was that opportunities like that were meant to be seized and not exploited, they're different things.

Shit, what I'd give to go back now and tell myself to stop playing a fool.

As you can see, I'm dodging around telling you what happened, maybe its cause its one of the shittier things I regret in VS.

K, so I was appointed assistant in charge, but when it came to planning and co-ordinating, being committed, taking initiative, actually acting out my position, I didn't do a single fuck. Compared to the other group members, especially Yao Sheng, I really was the fucking slacker. I only started to realize this later on, when it was obvious no one could trust me in a leadership position again.

I count myself lucky that this event knocked some sense into me about stepping up to the plate when you must, and about steering your group, not letting others steer you, when you're supposed to be a leader. I'm so grateful I had another chance to prove my commitment when they let us take sectionals closer to the handover date for choir. Come to think of it now, I know why they didn't first add me to the list of possible committee members at first.

All those times we were discussing, I was in my own world thinking up lame jokes, goofing off, trying to be popular and all that fucking superficial shit. Yeah I admit, I'm an attention whore, still am, but maybe much less now. When you get lost in these sort of things, you sometimes lose yourself and forget what really matters.  I think all this talk about having to win votes to join SC is making me lose myself a little.

Maybe that's why I'm so stuck up now about helping out, and taking initiative. Because I felt useless then, empty, and I felt the cold glance of my peers who saw me as only a fucking joker.

I've changed.
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Hmmm I think I should have cropped it. What do you think?